Enlightenment Sounds Like A Lot Of Work

If I'd Known It Was A Meditation CD, I Wouldn't Have Played It While Driving All Night To Flagstaff

As may be apparent, I am a spiritually rudderless person. I know this about myself.

But it's cool. Why? Because I'm looking into it.

Yep, that's me out in the backyard, standing on a webbed lawn chair with my dinosaur floatie and peering into the rusty, above-ground pool that is my soul.

(And while we're on the subject, I don't need a magical third eye in my forehead to see that not everyone is showering off before jumping in there and splashing around, all right? You know who you are.)

Anyway, as you might suspect, a comprehensive discussion on the subject of spiritual enlightenment would take almost an hour to write and could easily fill three pages. And seeing as how some of the broads from my new meditation group are coming over in twenty minutes to play beer pong, that's just not going to happen.

Besides, I've only just launched my quest for enlightenment, so I'm thinking that for now I will instead share a few of my initial questions and observations as I set out on this exciting and probably expensive journey.

For those of you who also are interested in taking this walk along the lonely street of dreams (wait, that's a Whitesnake song) step onto the path toward a shinier, bouncier and more manageable consciousness, hopefully my questions will echo some of your own.

Like A Drifter I Was Born To Walk Alone
(Dammit, there's that song again)

A Few Starter Questions

• If I manifest massive amounts of wealth, say, in my room with the door locked, do I also need to manifest tax-reporting documents to go with them?
• If my consciousness is raised, will it pull other parts of me up with it?
• What's with all those jackets that don't have collars?
  
• So, the deal is that I raise my consciousness, then I recruit others to raise other people's consciousnesses and I get a percentage, right? No?

Hangin' On The Promises...
(Stop that!)

What I've Learned So Far (after watching almost half of a Deepak Chopra DVD)

• We are one with everything and everyone. (And he's not kiddin' around, either - he means everyone.)
• We are the eyes of the universe looking at itself. (Ummm...okay, I've got nothin'.)
  
• There is no need to fear death. (This is right where I stopped the DVD, but I'm pretty sure the next thing he's going to say is, "Once you're dead.")
• There is no distinction between the body and the mind. (I will now hypnotize myself into having firm thighs.)

Can you smell the enlightenment? Because I sure can.

Yes, I know, I've only just scratched the surface and I've got a long way to go, but here I go again on my own Oh, for cryin' out loud!

Going down the only road I've ever known
This is a serious topic you know!

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
That was a cool video, though.

An' I've made up my mind
Tawny Kitaen dancing on the hood of that car, remember?

I ain't wasting no more time
I miss the 80s. All that hair.

But here I go again...

Three words: Brand. New. Blog. Brought to you by Blogtations, In Three Words has now launched. It's all about describing things in just three words. Like your childhood. (So. Long. Ago.) Or your first kiss. (Hold. The. Phone.) Intrigued? Me, too!

And thank you to The Retired One over at The Retirement Chronicles for this pretty package: