Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Excuse Me, I Speak Blog

Yes, That's an "Airplane" Reference
So, anyway, I was thinking about how much information I've absorbed in the six months or so that I've been workin' my corner here in the blogosphere. Anyone who blogs knows there's a bit of a learning curve when you first start - the sure was for me, anyway.

I've relished in my small (okay, microscopic) triumphs as I've felt my way along, figuring out little things about posts and layouts. I think it's kind of tough for non-bloggers to relate, though.

For instance, the other day I scampered into the kitchen, fresh from my desktop, to tell Jon Bon Jovi (not my husband's real name) something I'd just figured out on the ol' blog.


"OK, so the Blogger template wasn't giving me the option I wanted, so I went into the HTML and found the notation for the main background and then I inserted a new hex code and totally changed the color to the one I wanted!"

Poor Jon Bon Jovi. It's just not fair to do that to a husband. I could practically see the thoughts going through his mind as he stood there, frozen, coffee mug in hand:


OK, I know something good just happened and I want to be supportive, but I have no flippin' idea what she's talking about.


Wait, am I
supposed to know what she's talking about?

Oh crap, have we (God forbid) talked about this befo
re and I've forgotten about it? Be cool! Play it off...

Now, hold on, she's usually only this excited when she buys something expensive. What the hell has she bought now?

It's an understandable reaction, after all. If someone had started yammering to me about HTML seven months ago, I'd have advised them to seek counseling.


One aspect of the blog world that fascinates me is the array of acronyms, like ROFL, IMHO, LMAO, etc. I still have to stop and decode them each time (duh!), but I find them very entertaining.


And so, in an effort to do my part to contribute to the lexicon of this new world of which I am so fond, I offer a few blog-specific acronyms of my own:

TBBGIIMC - This Better Be Good - I'm Ignoring My Children

ISSBFMFTC - I Smell Smoke But First Must Finish This Comment

BE
- Banner Envy

PWCEBB
- Proceed With Caution: Extremely Bitter Blogger

JHTMF
- Just Here To Mooch Followers

SICS - Seizure-Inducing Color Scheme

ECIZ
- Extreme Crafts Intimidation Zone

UMO
- Unwarranted Music Onslaught

CPA
- Comment Performance Anxiety

INTGTTBFFHN - I've Needed To Go To The Bathroom For Four Hours Now


This is an encore of a post that originally ran way back in 2008. I was inspired to do so by my bud Kim Moldofsky who blogs at Hormone Colored Days. Kim served as a kick-ass Community Leader in my session at Blissdom and, while we were chatting, she mentioned that she'd always remembered this post and how much it made her laugh.

I hope I conveyed how much her comment meant to me at the time, because it sure made my day. Thanks, Kim. YAOSCAL (You Are One Super Cool-Ass Lady)


97 comments:

Melissa said...

I'm the same way! I get pathetically proud of myself when I learn how to tweak stuff on my blog. I figure you gotta get joy where you can, right?

Braja said...

ILTLACBICTOWTSAIALTGYAABITYBR

I'd love to leave a comment but I can't because I can't think of what to say and I'd also love to give you an award because I think your blog rocks. Yeah. Ha. Add THAT little sucker to your list, moustache lady...

Chase said...

How true is this though.

Have the support groups started yet?
I'm looking for a English-speaking Taiwan Chapter of BA.

Could we have BA meetings over our Twitter-Feed?

Or is that somewhere along the lines of AA meeting in a Bar?



...I don't have a problem though...

Shannon said...

Oh, man... I've got B.E.! I'm diggin' the Santa hat and palm tree you added to your banner!

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO @ SICS

Heather said...

OMG those are all so totally right on!!! I'm stealing them all for my own personal use immediately!

(I frequently suffer from CPA, especially on blogs like yours. Oh, the pressure to be witty in a comment can be sooo overwhelming! Or maybe that's just me.....)

Cheers!

The Mom said...

I am LMAO at ISSBFMFTC!! I've been doing this with Hubby for months too...and he's better at the computer than I am and get's all "well if you do that, then I bet you can do this [something about launching the shuttle]" and then i'm all "AHHH STOP TALKING NOW!" :)

mrsmouthy said...

Wow, I've been here 6 months too and still don't know a smidgin of HTML. I just hand the laptop over to my nerdy husband and remain uneducated. You GO, girl!

Marinka said...

I love these, especially Seizure Inducing Color Scheme.

What about BR? That's Blog Rage, when someone posts about the exact same topic that I did, except better.

essee said...

I relate to the first one (and a few others,) a tad too much.

MuseSwings said...

I thought you were talking about me there for a minute! The first time I figured how to get a (helloooo!) picture on a post I was dancing around like a scientist at Los Alamos. TIJLAAMMSBN Think I'll just look around and mooch me some bloggers now.

Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

You are a genius. You have finally put a name to my disorder. My name is Kirsten and I have CPA.

KiKi said...

AHHAHAAHA! Love this post!!!! And don't call me Shirley. (Airplane is probably my all-time favorite comedy EVER!)

NJDecorator said...

Yea, my darling hubby gives me the same look when I start talking blogging and computers..

Quirkyloon said...

My two personal faves?

ISSFBMFTC and CPA!

Hilarious!

BTW (By the way) hee hee

Maybe one of your intelligent readers can explain this one for me.

LOLWROG? I know the first part (LOL), but what the heck is WROG?

Swirl Girl said...

There should be blogging for dummies book.

SOmetimes I get more excited about figuring something out in THIS world more than in my REAL world.
sad , but true!

can anyone teach me how to slash through workds (or strike out?)

Ann's Rants said...

I love the acronyms. I may need to put them on my sidebar to reference them. Would you mind?

Julia said...

Sadly, I still speak "jive" better than I speak "blog".

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

MNUHESHNUMBS

Me no understand Hubby's engineer speak... Hubby no understand me blog speak...

LMAOAYPT

laughing my ass off at your post today.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

dizzblnd said...

OMG ROTFLMFAO! That is MUCH like a conversation I would have with my hubby as well as the thought process in his head! I loved TBBGIIMC -
ISSBFMFTC - and CPA Clkassics..

You should begin your own Blogging for dummies blog!

Lianne said...

I *WISH* I could speak blog. All I've got is jive. It is useless in the blogosphere, except when I'm on Flavor Flav's blog. If he were here, he'd give you a clock to wear around your neck. It would have a mustache for its hands. It would have been lovely.

*Sigh.*

Tiffany said...

Awesome..I HATE the UMO's. And the fact that they're placed at the BOTTOM of the frickin page kills me...it makes me AVVUBP...A Very Very Unhappy Blogger Person

Blissful Babe said...

You've done it again, my dear Watson.

Swirly Girl, there should just be a button on your toolbar in the blogger compose thingymabob. It'll have ABC with a line through it. At least there is one in the 'blogger in draft' mode...which is fab.

I suffer from CPA ATM (at the moment).

A couple faves: UMO, ECIZ, SICS

So good.

I have no idea what the LOLWROG is supposed to be. Sorry I failed at being helpful there.

FAIL.

The Wife O Riley said...

How about IHSIFDLOOMDANBJTWASA.

"I haven't slept in four days, living off of Mountain Dew and Nutter Butters just to win a stupid award."

Divine Chaos said...

teehee .. when I first started blogging/chatting/web designing, etc., I was so like that .. all excited over the smallest thing I figured out.

Now I have to stop and think sometimes in real life situations "umm, did I actually SAY "L-O-L" or did I laugh?

La Belette Rouge said...

When I learned some HTML code I felt like I was a brilliant tech geek. I was so very proud of myself.

And, OMG, I am with you on the UMO - Unwarranted Music Onslaught. I am not a fan.

Comedy Goddess said...

YAMI= You are my idol

Truly!

See, I'm not always snobby.

horatio salt said...

You forgot the dreaded bane of bloggers everywhere:
IHTTADAHHABNIDHTA

'I had to take a dump a half hour ago but now I don't have to anymore.'

Me? I blog wearin' a diaper, just in case.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh, man - those acro's hurt because they're true!

And do moustached ladies get as much work as bearded ladies?

Natalie said...

LOL! Love this list, and hope they stick.

Is it bad that I haven't learned a single thing about blogging in the time I've been doing it? Zip. Zero. When I see HTML I read it as hot tamale.

Don't even get me started on Twitter.

Elle said...

Becoming proficient on blogger is sort of a big step, like realizing you can finally understand a foreign language.

I have a blogging friend who was so confused by the following option that I actually had to go into his account and fix it for him. Silly boy.

Kimberly said...

If he really looks like Jon Bon Jovi, then it doesn't matter if he doesn't know what you are talking about. In fact, he doesn't even need to speak English. In fact, he can just grunt when he needs you to pass him the ketchup.

LarryG said...

CIMAC (Can i make a comment :)

try sticking your fingers in your ears shouting LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!LA!
At least that seems to be working for my kids - they don't absorb any info (ages 12, 16, 19)
Love the abbrevs!

Hairline Fracture said...

Yes, I definitely suffer from CPA and ECIZ at times. I haven't yet smelled smoke while I type as fast as I can, but I have ignored some serious screaming.

Michele said...

I loooove it! I especially loved your hubby's thoughts on this matter. They are very much reflected in my own hubby's thoughts. You put it so well!

Ma'dame French said...

Love your sense of humor;) It's definitely been a learning experience that's for sure;) I wish they would envent spell check in here though;) French

HappyHourSue said...

When I figured out how to make a third column I was all "What's UP Geek Squad?????????" and my husband was all "is this going to make us money now?" and I was all "No."

only a movie said...

It is weird, isn't it, when you spend hours tweaking the smallest little graphic... BE for that santa hat!!

Denise said...

I loved this post and I am so glad to see I am not the only one with those same exact thoughts!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Awesome, love the new acronyms. But I never ignore my children for the internet, what in the world are you talking about?? (Insert innocent face here)

Ann's Rants said...

Okay, acronyms are up, linky has been activated...collections call coming ;)

Yaya said...

love your acronyms!

Dream Girl said...

Great acronyms! =]

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

OMG, I get CPA all the time.... don't you hate that when you start writing what you think is really clever but then realize that it might be misinterpreted without exactly the right emoticon and that your emoticon library is also short on variety? so then you erase it and then can't come up with something better, or funny, or interesting, but refuse to just say "hey. nice post." Sigh. Yeah, CPA gets me good....

eve cleveland said...

Anna,
I only wish that I could figure out how to do anything! Here's one: IWBJLA. Ok, I will tell y'all once. I wanna be just like Anna. But I'm not sure I can pull off the mustache. BINSICPOTM. Oh, Girl, you make me laugh every time.You are so silly, keep it up.
Loving you and meaning it,
Eve

phd in yogurtry said...

I love your bloggy acronyms!! They are hilarious! Especially the first three. YARMM!! (You are reading my mind)!

Renee said...

Sooo funny. I loved all of them and really really loved the BE, CPA and music onslaught.

har har har.

Thanks for the laugh.

Renee Khan

Tug said...

I like to use LQTM instead of LOL.
I find that it's usually more honest. :]

(Laughing quietly to myself.)

jori-o said...

Those acronyms are PERFECT! I'm so going to start using some of them!!

Imogen Lamport said...

So true - my kids constantly climb on my lap asking for cuddles whilst I'm trying to do the important task of reading or posting on blogs.

I haven't mastered more of HTML than the ability to cut and paste some script into my blog to get something else to work.

There is so much to learn in this blogosphere.

My Side of the Story! said...

LSHTDOPCO!!!

(Laughing so hard two drops of pee came out!)

Great post!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

SI

Suck It!

ABM

and bite me!

BTW (By The Way) a twunkie is a twitter junkie.

GM

Gutter Mind

Caroline said...

BP! (brilliant post).

I totally suffer from TBBGIIMC. My poor kids!

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, I've gotta remember those!

Christa said...

Airplane acronyms decoded:

JNHTCOCAT

Jim never has two cups of coffee at home.

LLIPTWWTSNG

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

JDYLMAG

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

BTW Lefler, if you need pro blog help, I've got a great referral for ya if you ever get stuck. Ever thought about switching to WordPress? It's da bomb!

Giggle On!

Cristin said...

No CPA here... I've got a BHO:
Bloggy Hard On from reading this! Thanks!

Scary Mommy said...

Is it weird to tell you I love you?

Ok, then. Never mind. ;)

The Blonde Duck said...

You know a lot more than I do!

willow said...

These are fab. I might have to post them, but I'll give you credit. They're too great not to share! :D

nikkicrumpet said...

WELL CRAP...I think I just pulled a stomach muscle laughin at this one! In fact the first big Guffaw made my dog jump up to see what the heck was going on! That was GOOOOOOD! Then I read Braja's comment and started laughing again.

Valerie said...

Anna I didn't know ANY of those acronyms and I started my first blog in like 2004. lol My husband gives me the same look when I tell him something about my blogging. He did read it this weekend and liked it! Yay! Well my day went great yesterday with my grandbaby. I wanted to thank you for stopping by and leaving I comment. I am addicted to them!

Mer said...

I totally live in the ECIZ. Nice to know there's a medical term for it. :D

Jennifer said...

:) I was over the moon when I figured out (please don't laugh) how to change the date of the post. Up until then I was leading with "The other day..." or "A couple weeks ago...". Now I can fake timely and up-to-date, and no one's the wiser!

jennifersusan said...

my husband learned a long time ago to just smile and nod and back slowly away from the crazy lady.

doug said...

lovely lovely blog. Do you actually use those acronyms. They're so long.

Joanna said...

Hopped over from SITS and I agree - you need to do a bloggin for dummies.

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm serious about ECIZ - Extreme Crafts Intimidation Zone.

I think it's just a bloggy courtesy to post that at the top.

It would greatly help my crafty self esteem.

Brilliant - per usual! Em

Poetikat and the Hyggecats said...

I can SO relate to the last one. I've run out of 100% cranberry juice so many times (I'm seriously considering intravenous).
This would be hilarious except that it's, like 99.95% true. Do they have a 12-step program for this? They really should.
The other day I nearly had a conniption fit when I realized there IS (and always has been) a 3-pronged plug in my bathroom, so I can "sit" and blog - even when the juice on my laptop runs out. Hmmm. Juice just seems to be the issue, doesn't it?

(This post was inspired, by the way.)

Kat

The Self-Deprechaun said...

You have described the nuanced satisfactions of blogasm. All the pleasure points are releasing endorphins with every new subscriber and ever new HTML code we figure out. I just started recently and now I feel that I can look in the mirror and say, SelfDeprechaun, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and, doggonit, people like you (well not yet, based on my hits, but soon!)

Temple said...

There is no way you suffer from CPA, your comments always rock! I, however, am starting to suffer from MKCIHTSCOM (Matt Keeps Coming In Here To Subtly "Check On Mw") I seem to have gone from a "internet, why do we need that in the house" kind of girl to a "Honey, I'm taking my glass of wine to the computer room for a couple hours" kind of girl :)

Raph G. Neckmann said...

IGBN
'I've Got Blogger Neck'.
There ought to be blogger badges with this on, so one doesn't feel so self-conscious walking round like an angle-poise lamp ...

wenderful said...

Holy Toledo those are funny! And all so true. Thanks for spelling them out to us all. I'll have to bookmark this for future reference. :)

Michelle said...

Your new blog language made me snort! I could have used ISSBFMFTC yesterday. My daughter put a metal insulated cup in the microwave.

Nothing like seeing sparks and a little fire coming from your microwave while your trying to blog!

Jamie said...

Honestly, could you be any funnier! Love TBBGIIMC, hehe! And poor Jon Bon Jovi...I look at my husband like that when he starts talking html jibbirish and I'm the one with a blog :-)

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. said...

That's greatness.lol I love your blog. Plus, it's just plain hilarious that you call your husband Jon Bon Jovi on here. :o)

The Storialist said...

Hilarious!!!

CPA over here...

You should continually add to this list.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

FMEKMTMAIWNFTBTO
Fuck me everyone knows more than me and I will never figure this blogging thing out.

Lizzie said...

those or too funny. i love the pee one... wait, i gotta go. i knew there was something i forgot to do last time i got up from the computer chair.

*waddles off doing the pee pee dance*

Kim Moldofsky said...

This is hilarious! I'm off to Twitter you.

ALVN of WhisperWood Cottage said...

I'm sitting alone laughing out loud because this so hilarious. I can barely even type! Love the acronyms!

Amy

Ronnica said...

Those acronyms are great! I also need this one:

TPKTTMBIRYB: These people keep talking to me but I'm reading your blog

The Rambler said...

I absolutely LOVED it and I too put it in my sidebar....hehehe, hope you don't mind.

Brilliant, just Brilliant :)

LuckyMe said...

I totally get CPA. Fun Blog!

Big Blue Frog said...

You think the Blogger templates are tough, you should try editing a Wordpress blog. A friend and I constantly trade comments on how happy we are that the last update (there are tons of updates) didn't completely screw up our blogs. Every time there's an update (every week) I have to go in and rewrite the CSS for the blog to match my site colors, fonts, etc. It's stressful.

Heidi said...

I like them all but I especially like the second one. Awesome. And how true.

The Empress said...

My favorite part of all this: the start. "So, anyway..."

Now THAT'S how you start a post.

NCATAFTMP: No comments allowed that are funnier than my post.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh it's impossible to explain blogging things to non-bloggers!!

janerowena said...

I love UMO - that is my main bugbear. There is a blog that I love, but have to remember to switch off the sound before I read before my ears are assailed by the sound of wailing banshees having their fingernails pulled out - and it's the blogger's favourite song!

All of them apply, though! Brilliant.

janerowena said...

I love UMO - that is my main bugbear. There is a blog that I love, but have to remember to switch off the sound before I read before my ears are assailed by the sound of wailing banshees having their fingernails pulled out - and it's the blogger's favourite song!

All of them apply, though! Brilliant.

Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac said...

You crack me up. Every. Single. Time.

Nancy Davis Kho said...

I missed this the first time around so thank GOD you shared it again.
Signed,
JDOETYCDYH

("Just doing one email then you can do your homework.")

HermanTurnip said...

Ahhh..."INTGTTBFFHN". That just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? ;-)

But seriously, have you looked into Wordpress? Better templates. Easier to modify. Nicer to work worth. It's like that how you'd imagine life if only everyone catered to your every whim and wanton desire. Well....almost.

SeriousK said...

Why is HTML so hard?! It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like a chicken with my head cut off when all the HTML tags appear.

It's another language.

SeriousK said...

Why is HTML so difficult? Meandering is not this hard. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Www.issheserious.com

Jayne Martin said...

Did you really "scamper" into the kitchen? I don't know why that made me laugh, but it did. I could see you just bursting with excitement like a kid returning home from school on the first full day they didn't pee themselves who can't wait to share the news.

I remember how excited I was when I figured out I could change the width of videos to fit them on my blog page.

Here's another blog shortcut that I with bloggers would adhere to. (Not you) TOYFWV Turn Off Your Fucking Word Verification.

Anne Flournoy said...

HI LAR I OUS. THank you Anna Lefler!

But a word to the wise: I stretched INTGTTBFFHN out compounding it with not drinking or eating and ended up fainting, hitting head on the way down to full prone position on back on floor.

Diagnosis: "dehydration". Save yourself the migraine, the catscan, the MRI, the misaligned plates in the skull needing the attention of a D.O. Drink water.

Danny said...

Great post
I discovered your blog recently and I must say it's awesome !
Hey, poor Jon Bon Jovi aka husband of yours !