Monday, December 22, 2008

We [VERB] You A Merry Christmas

I want to share this year's family holiday newsletter with all of you!


Ask Family and Friends to Supply the Missing Words, Then Read the Letter Aloud and Stand Back for Holiday Hilarity!

Dear [PLURAL NOUN],

Well, here we are at the end of another [ADJECTIVE] year. We hope this holiday letter finds you well as you celebrate this joyous season of [HOLIDAY]. 2008 has been [ADJECTIVE] yet [ADJECTIVE] for us, with the children continuing to [VERB] like crazy. Morticia is in 4th grade now, and if she could sum up the year so far in a single word, it would be "[EXCLAMATION]!" She continues to play the [MUSICAL INSTRUMENT] and has performed in several recitals this year. Third-grader Gomez also has continued with his [MUSICAL INSTRUMENT] lessons and recitals and even has composed a [NOUN]. On the sports front, both children attend weekly [VIOLENT SPORT] training sessions. We experienced a [ADJECTIVE] change in our household earlier this year when we got two [PLURAL BABY ANIMAL]. It's been a [ADJECTIVE] transition, with many of our furnishings being [ADJECTIVE] if not completely [VERB ENDING IN "ED"] up. But they sure are cute. Jon Bon Jovi has had a busy and rewarding year at work and Anna continues to write and [VERB]. In addition, she began blogging six months ago, an activity she finds both [ADJECTIVE] and [ADJECTIVE]. She and Jon Bon Jovi have stepped up their [VIOLENT SPORT] training, which explains why they [VERB] funny. In short, life is [ADJECTIVE] and we are grateful. As always, we wish you, our [PLURAL NOUN], the happiest of holiday seasons and a new [NOUN] filled with joy and good health. Take care and we hope to [VERB] you soon.

[EMOTION],

Anna, Jon Bon Jovi, Morticia and Gomez

Breaking News

The results of the most recent humor-writing contest at HumorPress.com were just released and I'm excited to announce that I won 2nd Place - what a cool surprise! The title of my piece is "Invasion of the Body-Hair Snatchers" and you can read it here.


Record Secret Santa Loot Haul

I participated in the Secret Santa Swap hosted by Kori at Between a Whisper and a Roar and it was big fun. Thanks to Cassie at Southern Domestic Goddess (my Secret Santa) for all the wonderful goodies: holiday jelly beans, notepad, awesome scented candle and cosmetic case filled with all kinds of tasty eucalyptus luxuries. I raked! Thanks to Kori and Cassie!


100% Increase in Slacking Projected for Christmas Week

That's right, I'll be taking this week off to sit around in my chenille bath robe with my head in a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos watching "The Bodyguard" and yelling at my kids to put down the stupid Nintendo and come rub momma's feet like you promised and while you're at it pitch these old pizza boxes out the back door, will ya for meditation and soul-cleansing. I'll be back with a new post, though, on Monday, Dec. 29!

In the meantime, holiday wishes and my favorite Christmas song ever...



61 comments:

wenderful said...

LOVE it! Genius idea. You'll be missed while you're away but we'll "see ya" next week.
Now I'm off to read your piece about the body hair thieves. Where can I find one of THOSE?!

derfina said...

Have a happy, relaxing holiday week. *laughs hysterically*

Vodka Mom said...

Have a great, great holiday!! We'll try to not to cry while you're gone.

The Wife O Riley said...

Mad Libs is an awesome idea! Much better than my "List of Grievances towards my family and friends" Christmas letter. It didn't get the warmest of receptions and a few holiday party invitations have been rescinded. Oh Well, 20/20 hindsight.

Have a Wonderful and relaxing holiday! Save some Chili Fritos for me!

Mollie said...

I am so jealous of your Humor Blog fame. I am going to pretend to congratulate you, though.

Heather said...

Oh my goodness that was spectacular - quite inspired!

I wish you and yours the merriest of holidays! Cheers!

only a movie said...

Love the chenille bathrobe rant. Made me smile. Congrats on 2nd place. Great stuff all around.

Have a fabulous relaxing holiday week!

Michele said...

Enjoy your vacation. Loved this creative post!

Blissful Babe said...

Holy hilarity!! Your Werewolf story is fantastic. But you knew that.

Congrats on your 2nd Place win! I always knew you were a weiner, er, I mean, WINNER.

I'm going to have to print out the MadLib deal and insert my own words. I think I will have hours of non-stop fun!

Merry Christmas to MEEEEE!!

Seriously, though. Have a most wonderful & blessed Christmas!!
XOXO

Ann's Rants said...

Anna, you are truly fabulous. Congratulation on 2nd place, and maybe both you and I should just usher in the new milennium already and get lasered. You first. I'm back with my old friend Sally Hansen. Jolene is too stinky, but don't tell her I said that okay?

ipv6 said...

such brilliant idea

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Great newsletter. Actually fun. We get a newsletter every year from a a fmaily and the wife writes it like a bragging fest. $ pages single spaced. My duaghter and I have a great time poking fun at it, but my husband gets mad at us.

Happy Holidays!

Congratson the win, I'll be checking it out.

Temple said...

Oooooo! I so love me some MadLibs! Have a GREAT Christmas and enjoy all that "meditation"!

HappyHourSue said...

Awesome! I was going to do a "brag letter" post, too, but I was too (adjective) lazy.

Nothing irks me more than the "third person" voice of the letter-writer. What about "I" people???? What happened to "I've" been busy?????? Do you really think people are under the impression some reporter is writing this letter?????

Kim Layton said...

That's the coolest Christmas letter ever!

Merry Christmas!

Yaya said...

Merry Christmas!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Congrats on second place!! and thanks for the Mad Libs! I have always loved them.

The Merriest of Christmases to you as well! Thanks for making this year so much funnier!

jennifersusan said...

I thought my kids were the only ones to rub feet while I ate fritos and watched television. Excellent! Maybe our kids could start a guild together and start charging us for this luxury? ;P
Have a happy Christmas!!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

You're supposed to tell them to pitch the pizzas boxes over the fence into the neighbors yard, not your own backyard...talk about lazy.

And why did the F word keep jumping into ALL of the red insert here thingys?

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Love the MadLibs xmas card! genius!

Hope you have a lovely holiday. I'll be looking forward to Monday's post about how your week "off" went. It will be a challenging week if the midgets don't fall in line and get to work on mommy's feet! And congrats on the hilarious 2nd place winning piece.

Swirl Girl said...

Love the madlibs idea for the dreaded year end letter...

I will miss you - but enjoy your snacking...I mean enjoy your holiday!

nikkicrumpet said...

Dang...what are we gonna so with a week without Lefler? It's like giving up chocolate or missing an episode of American Idol. I might have to call my therapist and schedule an extra session! Take care and have a VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY WEEK!

The Archduchess said...

[adjective] [holiday] to you too!

Cassie said...

I'm glad you liked your gifts! I had fun playing secret santa!

Cassie

The Rambler said...

That was pure (swear word)brilliance....(swear word)brilliant...and the 2nd place...I'm (swear word)loving it...

IDK, I feel like I'm channeling some Italian Saprano guy!

It's all the (swear word)christmas double chocolate whipped chocolate frosting with extra chocolate chips brownie! (while grabbing crotch? cause that's what they do right? :)

Have a (swear word)AWESOME (swear word) CHRISTMAS!!!!

xoxoxo~Selena

Emeka Amakeze said...

Great laughs! I have to warn you, if any ribs got broken, i would sue you. Congrats on coming 2nd at the competition. Happy Holiday.

K said...

Love the mad lib idea. All the Christmas we get really crack me up.

Enjoy your fritos and foot rub.

Happy Holidays!

StandTall-The Activist said...

Love the letter idea. Hmmm who can I do this with since am gonna celebrate xmas with only my hubby? Perhaps him

Pearl said...

Oh, VERY nice!

And congratulations on second place. I read it and you made me LOL.

I like LOLing.

:-)

Pearl

Joanie6726 said...

Congrats on your award! Frankly, I liked yours better than the first place entry. So funny, and SOOOO identifiable!
Enjoy your time off. I look forward to more laughs very soon!
Happy Holidays!

MuseSwings said...

Love your newsletter idea. I have to admit though, when I get those, I set them aside and either read them sometime in March or just shred the things. Yawn. Congrats on your award! Well deserved as I recover from herniated body parts due to your riotous blogs. Enjoy your cocktail weenies and have a wonderful Christmas!

LarryG said...

Thank you Thank you,
this mad lib will be perfect for our family get together!
You're tops Lefler, no jokings!

bb mcclain said...

Loved the story of hair removal. I guess I'm on my way to write something hopefully humorous too as I'm tapped out because of Christmas.

Christa said...

Congrats on the award and I love the Mad Libs idea!

I won't mention what adjective I used to fill in the first sentence:

Well, here we are at the end of another [ADJECTIVE] year.

oh-yeh!

Thanks for stoppin' by Giggle On to leave a comment for my charity campaign. You rock Lefler!

Merry Ho Ho and all that jazz!

Christa

essee said...

Happy Christmas - watched some of your standup on Youtube. You are a funny, funny lady.

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Our household LOVES Mad Libs! What a great post! And CONGRATS on the 2nd place! That was the post that I first read from you, and laughed my butt off (ok, not really, the butt seems to still be there, but I did laugh hysterically) and made me a dedicated reader from that point on!

Renee said...

I will print out that letter immediately.

Have yourselves a merry little Christmas time.

Love Renee

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Funny as all get out Christmas letter...

See you on the 29th... you will be missed here in Bloggyville!

Happy Holidays.
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Funny as all get out Christmas letter...

See you on the 29th... you will be missed here in Bloggyville!

Happy Holidays.
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Rhea said...

I LOVE your mad lib. AWESOME. And HILARIOUS.

Congrats on winning second place! You totally deserve it!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

That's brilliant but uh, what's a verb?

I was published in Humor Press, but I didn't get a mug! Of course, I didn't get 2nd place. I only got Honorable Mention. I got a rock.

Reddirt Woman said...

Merry Christmas and all that stuff. Great job on getting 2nd place. I could feel that mechanized torture machine plucking from the depths of your innards... I hurt for you girl.

Helen

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Fantastic - really loved the Werewolf piece, (and your other items too).

Have a great Christmas!

There's a card over at mine - feel free to print it off if you wish, Anna.

Best Wishes from us all at Necky Knoll House.

Zen Ventures said...

I think I'll use that letter to send out to family especially the ones we're not "close" with! ha! so funny! thanks for sharing it. Anyho, Merry Christmas!!!

Maricris

Deb said...

Congrats on 2nd place at HumorPress.com! I remember reading that post a while back while twirling my one of my three chin hairs and laughing out loud.

Merry Christmas to you, Jon Bon Jovi, Morticia and Gomez!

phd in yogurtry said...

Merry Christmas from one chenille robe slacker to another!

Alexis said...

I also love the idea, such fun! Sounds like a wonderful Christmas. Hi my SITSta!

:)

Hairline Fracture said...

The Mad Lib makes a pretty [adverb] funny holiday letter!

My crazy crazy life said...

OMG, I'm cracking up...your hair story is the best. My sister and I always have this "hair" that grows off and on...on both of us, our chin...it's disgusting. We used to have this 5th grade teacher...Ms. Fleenor, that had all kinds of hairs growing from her chin...so when mine or my sisters "hair" starts to get long before we realize it and pluck it away, we will yell and point and scream something along the line of "your fleenor's showing"...I have to pass this story on to her...if you could hear her threading face story...very similar to your epilady story. Hilarious!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I linked to your Christmas letter in my last post (you're a model of how to do it right).

IB said...

Anna,

Great post and an excellent blog. Thanks very much for signing on to follow mine. I've been hoping you would as you are one of my virtual crushes. Don't tell Vodka Mom, Ann , Pearl, Petra, The Comedy Goddess, The Bloggess (She scares me a little), Braja or Irish (man-crush). ;)

IB

Rick said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy Weird Year.

Rick said...

I trust you are having a nice break. I read your hair raising, err, releasing story. Very funny. How appropriate that your profile pic would include facial hair - plastic though it is.

Have a Howling New Year, you creature from the dark side of the web, you.

Jeanne said...

Lovely Christmas letter -- and so adaptable!

Adding you to my blogroll so I know when there's a new post.

Imogen Lamport said...

Happy and champagne filled festive season. Hope you get all those foot rubs!

I'm sure your wardrobe isn't all that bad - as long as there are no dead rats or maggots I wouldn't vomit! Mish mash is what I'm used to (along with dead men's clothes - I kid you not).

Grand Pooba said...

Ahhhhh, hope you had a great Christmas too!

Alexis said...

Thanks I'm a nut with a camera, I always have one in my purse just in case the kids do something crazy or I do :).

Sydney said...

Funny Funny subtext. I too am trying to relax. I hope you have a great breather and I'm looking forward to what comes up next!

Lula! said...

Anna, I'd like to leave a comment that pertains to this post, however I must resume my Mad Men-watching schedule before I go into withdrawals.

I'm addicted.

It's FANTSTIC.

I will thank you forever. And ever and ever. Amen.

LarryG said...

we did the madlib at our family christmas party, it was terrific - I won't bore you with the whole thing but it wound up.

"...we hope to "punch" you soon.

"Fear",

The Williams
------
Lotsa laughter at our house with this one!

Thanks Friend!

Joanna said...

*hee hee* I'm in my robe now yelling at the spawn to help me clean up before in-laws get here.