Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I Commune With Nature...

...Whether It Likes It Or Not.

We recently spent a long weekend visiting the in-laws in Northern(ish) California. Man, was it awesome. Our visit gave us the opportunity to get b
ack to nature - to unclench from our jaded, smog-encrusted big-city lifestyle and really remind ourselves what's really real, you know?

And it was perfect timing because just the other day I said to Jon Bon Jovi, "Jon?" I said, hunched over, hand in a ziploc bag, gathering dried cockapoo patties from the backyard, "I'm jonesin' to mainline some nature junk." (See how urban we are?)

And Jon Bon Jovi waggled his head, letting an exhaust blast from a city bus ruffle his bangs off his face as he threw his broom and dustpan aside in a most haphazard manner. He liked the idea, I could tell.

"Just give me a moment to saddle up Hoss and Lamont." (Those are our steel horses. The ones upon which we ride.)

And we were off like a dirty pair of drawers. ~ Walt Whitman

At great personal peril, I tried to take lots of photos as we waded up to our armpits in freakin' raw nature.

I share them with you now.


This was our rustic nature pad - home base for gnarly au natural hi-jinks.


Our first nature encounter! We initially were concerned
about being under dressed (seeing as how we didn't have hats)
but turns out that's just his personal statement.
Nature Lesson #1: The forest is prett
y casual.


This little scamp slipped into our cabin and ate my
entire pack of birth-control pills. Ironic, yes?

Nature Lesson #2: Untamed wilderness is not without
its subtle literary devices.


This is not the fawn's mother, but a Nanny-Doe hired by
the mom to take care of the baby while she slips out
to Laughlin, Nevada for a girls' weekend.

Nature Lesson #3: Sometimes nature has to get out of the
freakin' house or else it's going to
lose it.


Bonus! In between honing our survival techniques and
living off
Frito-Lay products the fat of the land,
I was able to indulge my passion for Japanese Zen
fountain construction. Yes, it took 7 hours to design
and build...but I think you'll agree it was worth it.


Nature Lesson #4: Do NOT fill your canteen with stump water,
no matter how normal it looks.


I know that's the same buck who was staring at me
in the parking lot of Pea Soup Anderson's.

Nature Lesson #5: Two words, dude - restraining order.


Caught on film - the rare and dangerous Sneaker Snake!
Note the coloring that says, "Danger!"

Nature Lesson #6: You snooze, you lose.



Yeah, right. Like that's real.
Nature Lesson #7: Sometimes nature tries to
fool you with fake crap.



I believe it was the legendary Jane Goodall who observed,
"When the zombie bunnies come out, it's time to go home."
Nature Lesson #8: Zombie bunny! Run away! RUN AWAY!




NOTHING BUT GHOSTS - Beth Kephart's new book that's already garnering stellar reviews - is now available for pre-order! To view the book's beautiful trailer, click here.


Thank You so much to the incomparable Tessa at An Aerial Armadillo for this gorgeous International Reach Out Award - which she designed herself, BTW. I am honored and Tessa's blog is a gem. (Plus I love the way she spells favourite with a "u" all classy-like.)



And thank you so much to Bebe Cannelle for the fantastic shout-out!


59 comments:

TC said...

Ahhh, nature - love it or feel guilty because your haphazard toss of a softball at a rabbit you saw munching on one of your prized flowers inadvertently struck the little fat hog in the head while your tween daughter looked on in horror.

Jenn Thorson said...

Ah, hopefully you had your plush garden snake bite kit with you... those sneaker snakes can be deadly.

I also wonder-- was this area not also gnome-infested, or did the Freakin' Nature keep them deterred?

Comedy Goddess said...

Are you really The Swiss Family Robinson's?

Chase said...

this is just like that "Into the Wild" movie

...just without the naked hippies, and that part where he dies.

Love it. Your write up was so... so real.

I need to go climb a tree now.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You reminded about a peacock post I've been meaning to write. Call me anal, or just homesick for California, but what, exactly, do you mean by "northernish." I like to place my mind on a mental map.

Exciting about the book , I loved the trailer.

Amy Jo said...

I can't believe some wacko thought you would fall for that "peacock on the lawn" bit. Psh.
Good thing you're experienced naturalists.

Bee and Rose said...

I am completely terrified of the sneaker snake and the zombie bunny.
Yikes! We have stumbled across such creatures on some of our recent outings as well:)

Ann's Rants said...

Awe. Some.

suZen said...

Brilliant photography! You really captured the essence of nature - such a roll, I loved it, but you lost me with the peacock.

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

Isn't nature grand! And YOU are hilarious!

kathcom said...

Your accommodations look lovely. I'm glad you were able to avoid the bite of the Sneaker Snake. It's so hard to get medical assistance in the wild!

Were there any brightly colored toadstools there? Because I think I've hallucinated that yellow butterfly before.

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, what an adventure you had! I'm glad nobody was fatally injured, that snake does look dangerous!

The Big Blue Frog said...

Lots of wildlife around that cabin. I take it there was no WI-FI or cable TV?

Always Home and Uncool said...

I love when you quote Whitman, but I'd rather eat his sampler instead. Peace! K

Frau said...

Only thing you are missing are a few Gnomes! We have them in our forest here...sneaky little bastards! Have fun getting back to nature!

La Belette Rouge said...

I feel sure you will be hearing from the Sierra Club or the Nature Conservancy soon. You are a natural nature photographer. I could just feel that bunny's beating heart pounding and his body filling with adrenaline because your camera was so close to his face, as I meditated on the wonder of creation.

CaraBee said...

That was full of all kinds of awesome. Seriously, though, that zombie rabbit is freaky.

mommy4life said...

Wow! What a tirp you had! The rustic cabin and all the wildlife! LOL! At least they didn't try to steal your Frito Lay products!

kmoye said...

we've got 7 acres of actual nature if ever you venture to Mississippi, just sayin you're welcome to visit : )

ps our zombie bunnies don't bite

Bebe Cannelle said...

As usual, your post is hilarious. Thanks so much for making my day!
All the best
x

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Zombie bunnies is scary!

I get all happy-like whenever I get to read a new post from you. You da best!

Peace out, city dudette.

Mary K Brennan said...

Stalking deer and zombie bunnies. What is in that canteen anyway?

Tracy Kunzler said...

I'm IMPRESSED! You blog shoule be renamed "Life Just Keeps Getting More Rugged!" Wow. There's a show about folks like you - "Survivor" I think it's called. I bow to your ruggedness! - Your pal at Ungirdled Passion

lisa said...

I thought I was looking at National Geographic with all the nature close-ups. But then I got to the peacock and well....

Kate Coveny Hood said...

This reminds me of an ex-boyfriend's cousin's house. She had ceramic animals everywhere - INSIDE. The best was a little fawn curled up by the fireplace (both of which were fake).

Not The Rockefellers said...

When you run away from the zombie bunny is it in a serpentine pattern?

And could you blame the bunny for taking the birth control pills?

It's like fleet week in that hutch...

Peace - Rene

The Wife O Riley said...

You'd better be careful out in the wilderness like that, I thought I heard some banjo music while I was taking a gander at that peacock! Walt Whitman never took off his dirty drawers!! He just turned them inside out like a real woodsman.

Beth said...

It sounds like you barely escaped with your life.

Thankfully, the trees didn't have faces. That crap just freaks me out.

Beth Kephart said...

Oh jeepers. I came over here to be amused, bemused, and relieved from real life for just a second, and look: You are being much too nice to me.

Thank you, dear Anna Lefler. Thank you.

Oh. And please. Go get a refill on the birth control pills, okay?

dddiva said...

hahahaha that's about as back to nature as I get- although, I'm sure my nature would include Pink Flamigos drinking a mai-tai.

Swirl Girl said...

I been to Split Pea Andersons...many times!

I like nature too...like when I go all out and get raw tomatos on my salad!

HappyHourSue said...

"it's just a lit-le bun-nay..."

LMAO at the fake peacock.

Also: You've seen a million faces, and you've ROCKED them all.

Reddirt Woman said...

I thought Frito-Lay products and the fat of the land were synonymous...

Very creative nature walk.

Mammatalk said...

Where'd ya go? Fresno?

phd in yogurtry said...

Amazing! You must have lain still for days to get some of those close ups of animals in their natural habitats.

HermanTurnip said...

This post is full of win! Heh...

http://terribleanalogies.com

only a movie said...

Very very funny. Good to see you.

Kulio said...

Oh I laughed, I cried, I watered my artificial flowers....

THANK YOU.

:-)

Anna said...

Ah, this was worth waiting for! Fake peacocks are so scary.

x

Lizzie said...

that is too funny! i will never look at plastic woodland creatures the same. :) hope you all had a nice vacation away from it all

Fragrant Liar said...

I love communing with nature. But those fake peacocks gotta go! So tacky.

Brutalism said...

Got any extra stump water?

Tiggy said...

Some of that wildlife looks mighty tasty!

Jeanne said...

Wow. Northern California has a lot of the same fauna as Hilljack, Ohio.

Kim said...

Now if there was just a dried cockapoo patty snake, we wouldn't have to bend over and pick them up ourselves!

Ruthibelle said...

lmao - drat those snakes!

Shanda said...

All that nature makes a girl want to breathe deep...dropping by from SITS roll call!

Lisa said...

My mistake is never taking that rule about zombie bunnies seriously. You'd think I'd learn by now, but no.

Renee said...

You are so the funniest. I love you Anna.

I love the rabbit that ate all your birth control pills and that one fake animal. har har

Oh yes you would have loved my cousin Mo especially as he got older, totally eccentric.

xoxoxo

Ces said...

I don't come here often but when I do you manage to lift my heavy heart. Thank you.

meandtheblueskies said...

Very funny and great pictures too. That is about as close to nature as I like to get myself. Stopping by from SITS. If you get a chance, stop by my blog and enter my one year anniversary contest.

Ri. Short for Maria. Not pronounced like the bread. said...

Dude...I just FLEW over here from SITs hoping to scarf some of your Krispy Kremes - I had no idea I was in for a Freakin' Nature encounter!

Loved it all - except for that OBVIOUSLY fake peacock. Pfffft - what a poser.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

LMAO! You gotta be careful out there...
But I think you need to come over here to truly experience the wild. Even a walk around my suburban neighbourhood these days brings me encounters with fur and fangs - and I don't mean the neighbourhood dogs - or my mother in law.

dddiva said...

There are a couple of awards for you on my blog if you want them.
www.myloonyverse.com

Merrily Down the Stream said...

I LOVE the zombie bunny thing - where can I get about a hundred of those?

Farmers Wife said...

Gawd, you are so uber urban. Just love it. And we have those snakes here on our farm, except not in the same pretty colours....

Real Live Lesbian said...

Red next to yellow? Red next to black? See, that's why I'll die from a snake bite! lol

♥ bfs~"Mimi" ♥ said...

Ugh, that stump water lesson reminded me of something horrible. In 3rd grade (THIRD GRADE), I took a dare. Drank creek water...a whole Pepsi bottle full of it. I haven't done that since...was never sicker in my life. Probably lucky to have lived. So I'm definitely with you on the stump water point. I get it.

judyjo326 said...

Wow! Great pictures from Mom and Dad's house. I never knew the yard animals could look so good!