Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Gift of Fear

I'm Sorry, But This:




Scares The Crap Out Of Me.

Upon opening this gift, several thoughts would go through my mind:
  • The North Pole syndicate has whacked Mrs. Claus and I may be next.
  • I'm going to have to chase this thing down and kill it to get a cookie.
  • Oh, great. Now Tim Burton will be expecting a gift from me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I like my inanimate objects to be non-ambulatory. I'm just not comfortable in a world where the piano sits on skis or the microwave looks poised to make a break for it the minute I turn my back.


Are we a restless people? Do we yearn for the thrill of the open road, escaping the everyday humdrum of it all to feel the wind ruffling our bangs as we race toward an endless, seductive horizon?

Perhaps.

All I'm saying is: Why transfer that wanderlust onto our tabletop accessories?


I mean, why turn a perfectly good cake stand into a flight risk when we could instead add arms to things and perhaps score the occasional shoulder rub?

Of course, I guess even a good idea can go horribly wrong:



Oh, great. Here come the nightmares again.

42 comments:

Valerie said...

I have to agree with you ... those things are a bit scary!

Grand Pooba said...

Not sure how I'd feel about getting a shoulder rub from a cake platter. lol

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

I'm telling Santa that you want the entire Mary Engelbreit collection for Christmas.

Enjoy!

WINDOWLAD said...

haha, that was really a gift of fear... photos are soo funny... i can even imagine we have those things at home...haha... nice to start my day with this treat...!!!:D

>>Good day!!!:D

Anna See said...

Eeek. You're freaking me out, too.

Kulio said...

hahaha....freaky :-)

Michelle said...

They are scary also very funny! Just dropping by your blog checking it our :)

RobynsOnlineWorld said...

We used to have a restaurant here called Peoples. Great food, but even better to me (as a kid) was the decor in waiting area. The benches all had legs underneath - all different pants, socks, shoes, etc. and the coat racks were all outstretched hands. Lots of faces on the walls of all types. I loved that place. My little cousin on the other hand was scared to death of going there and thought they would all grab her if she sat down.

Ann's Rants said...

I love how you make us look at things in a whole new terrifying way.

It's like the mummenschanz of Christmas.

And yes, I'm too exhausted to google mummenschanz.

Yaya said...

Lol!

Lisa said...

Definitely frightening on the kinda cute but scary side!!! Delightful entry...

Miss Dot said...

ROTFL -- I had to read this one out loud to the hubbs. Chase it down and kill it to get a cookie? Ahahaha. I hear you on the creepy-ambulatory-yet-inanimate-objects. Weird.

Frau said...

I agree....plus they are ugly!!

Solvang Sherrie said...

You're hilarious! Just imagine the stories Lewis Carroll would have told with a dish like that!

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

I agree.

C...R...E...E...P...Y!

Technogran said...

Someone with a vivid imagination...all of them wouldn't look out of place in Alice in Wonderland would they? Love the bit about the microwave, mine keeps groaning for some reason...

Brutalism said...

Well, I'm glad I kept the gift receipt. Harumph.

kathcom said...

Shoes and the implied feet therein have no business presenting food. Toe cheese and cheddar cheese must not coexist.

kbxmas said...

My suggestion? The raised cake plate. With a single foot, it will never get far...

Dr Zibbs said...

agreed.

Desiree said...

So I saw your SITS thingy so I have to comment - but even if you didn't have it I would still comment cuz girl you is HI-larious!

I'm totally trying not to laugh out loud because I'm at work and I'm a receptionist and they're having a HUGE meeting in the conference room next to me and my horse laughing might disturb the CEO. Whatevs. They need to lighten up anyway.

Wait, what was I saying? Oh YOU! Right, thanks for the laugh this morning! :-)

Barry said...

That Tim Burton! He always loves to drop those subtle hints!

MuseSwings said...

The only thing I want running in my house is the water. I had a teacup with feet once. I know just how you feel! There is a fear involved in knowing your Sleepy Time tea is creeping closer and closer and closer....

carissajaded said...

creepy, yes. But I likey. I think I would absolutely love to live in a Tim Burton universe....

Or maybe just watch one.

Fragrant Liar said...

I love shoes on my table. That's why I dance on it whenever I get the chance, especially the pink polka-dot ones.

When Pigs Fly said...

I have to agree. I've seen these platters before and they do give me the creeps. Legs and feet attached to inanimate objects does scream Tim Burton. Very funny.

GIANTS FAN said...

This is a great site you have here. It's pretty funny. I have a humor blog as well and I'd like to exchange links with you. This will spread some traffic around between us. Let me know if this is cool.

Jason
http://www.hilariousheadlines.com/talk

VABookworm87 said...

I love the wobbly dresser lol

If you have a chance, swing by my blog! I've given you an award :oD

HermanTurnip said...

"Here come the nightmares again". Heh...love the cabinet, but agree on the sentiment!

terribleanalogies.com

phd in yogurtry said...

That set of drawers belongs in beauty and the beast.

Maura said...

It looks like Mary Engelbreit on acid...on helluva trip!

WA said...

Am I the first person to make the comment that those things must cost an arm and a leg? I sure hope so!!

The Wife O Riley said...

The good news is that any cookie you have to out run, loses all it's calories. They also taste better because they taste of victory.

miladawley said...

我想去玩啦~..................................................

The Big Blue Frog said...

Is your refrigerator running? You should go catch it?

Farmers Wife said...

Me....turning, running and not looking back......

Michael said...

These are beautiful... Where can I get one? HSN? Perfect for saying, "It's the thought that counts, and here is what I think of you."


...And Another Thing!!!

Laurnie said...

That looks like a dresser in my aunts house. I am never staying in that room again.

Im a new follower and just wanted to say I love your blog!

Jeanne said...

You know, those things just seemed whimsical to me...until I read this. Now they creep me out.

sherri said...

I particularly don't like the suggestion (on platter number one) that you would be feasting from under mrs. claus skirt. that is just wrong.

The Retired One said...

Hilarious post!
But I am sick...I love those items...the more whimsical the better!

Christy Walters said...

You are freaking hilarious.