Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Unleash Your Inner 'Stache

Like many people, I often turn for guidance in times of crisis to an authority figure...someone who operates on a higher realm...someone who can extend to me the sage, informed counsel that I seek when faced with life's many obstacles and predicaments.

I see you nodding.

You know where I'm going with this.

Yes, like you, I can be found during these trying times standing under my carport in my leg warmers with hands raised, straining to be heard over the unbalanced washing machine thumping away in the background as a single, plaintive question crosses my lips:

"What would Burt Reynolds do?"

Throughout history, civilization has turned to the wise and moustachioed for inspiration in the disciplines of science, philosophy and the arts.


Only in the last, say, thirty years, however, has civilization come around to appreciating that the true wisdom of the follicular-upper-lipular (I'm pretty sure that's Latin) lies in the more contemporary, more enigmatic disciplines of creative finance, interpersonal relationships and, of course, stunt driving.

Which leads one to ask - what is the source of the moustache's remarkable power? And why should it be available only to those who have the natural ability to grow one (watch it, I'm sensitive about that) or who regularly enter their car by leaping through the T-top while being chased by thugs with no lines of dialogue?

Well, those days are over.

Prepare to wield the power of the 'stache for your own ends - and in the comfort of your own recliner.
I give you:

Moustache-On-A-Stick


And I mean that quite literally because I am, indeed, giving away a moustache-on-a-stick!

(It's not my personal one, you understand. It's a fresh one, cast in resin from a hand carved
mold and stuck on a, um, stick. Hell, no, I didn't make it! I think it's pretty obvious that I have better things to do with my time. Okay, maybe it's not so obvious, but you know, I do stuff.)

Anyway...

Anyone who follows the moustache commodities market will tell you that this is one super-swank piece of blog catnip that will deliver unto its lucky owner both razor-sharp insight and a superhuman ability to burn rubber in any gear.

Of course, you folks will have your own us
es for this powerful implement.

And speaking of which: the person who leaves the most entertaining and persuasive comment describing why they want their very own moustache-on-a-stick and/or what they would use it for will receive the one pictured above!

That's right - I will ship it directly to the winner at no cost! (Just to be clear, though, you're on the hook for your own Trans Am and jumpsuit.) As long as your comment is submitted by 3:00 pm Pacific Standard Time on Saturday, October 18, it will be in the running to bring home the 'stache.

So let 'er rip and tell us how you would wield your moustache power and, who knows? Next week at The Red Lobster someone might just tap you on the shoulder and say, "Hey, friend, aren't you Burt Reynolds?"

Happens to me all the time...


Good luck and may the 'stache be with you.
______________________________________________________

AND A HUGE NOTE OF THANKS...

...to all the SITS ladies who took the time to visit and comment here during yesterday's spectacular blogathon! I was overwhelmed by your kindness and enthusi
asm and I look forward to visiting and commenting on your blogs ASAP.

(Perhaps at that time you will share with me your secrets to hair with loads of body and manageability. Just a thought.)

Thanks again so much!

XO Anna

88 comments:

Christine said...

I wanted to say thank you to you as well for visiting my site, mom confessions. I am a fresh beginner, but hope to be as good as you. I stole a few of your Advertising links/pictures. I didn't know where to write to you, so I put it on the most recent comment..hope it's alright.

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

You are a hoot! I found you through another blog I read during the SITS bloggathon. I will definitely be back.

Debora Dennis said...

Hi! I found your hysterical blog through the SITS blog - that I found only yesterday. Thanks for the smile first thing this morning.

I loved Magnum PI and Tom Selleck...swoon...was it the mustache? Don't know, but this post had me laughing out loud!

Have a great day! (And I'd love to pass along some hair tips -sadly I'm hair challenged with thick wavy hair that has a mind of it's own that I haven't learned to tame in all my 44 years! Sad, I know.)

momto1 said...

That cracks me up.

Oh, and by to enter your moustache on a stick contest, I really believe I need it to perfect my SAHM look of jeans that don't quite fit due to pregnancy, and shirts that are way to small. It will pair nicely with my black skip-hop duo and make a grand entrance in to my local Starbucks, where I can greet Margaret, Denny, Dan, and Jodie. They'll love it...and maybe even give me free pastries--which, come on, everyone could use once and a while!

Tami said...

Thanks for visiting me as well :)

Anna Lefler said...

I forgot to say: You don't have to enter the 'stache contest to leave a comment.

No pressure! We're casual, man.

Thanks for stopping by and have a smooth day...

:^) Anna

Sidney said...

Happy belated blogathon day!

Sidney said...

Never mind....well, not really, but I think I already commented yesterday...dead brain cells, ya know....

Charlie said...

You are a hoot! I came upon your blog via SITS blog and it gave me a smile!

Blissful Babe said...

*drool*
Tom Selleck
Magnum P.I.
*drool*

You crack me the hell up. Just the thing I needed for my morning coffee.

I think that way awesome 'stache-on-a-stick' would go very well with the men's shirt I borrowed and the ill-fitting slacks that I wore to serve at a banquet the other day. I think that would make me feel more together. Indeed.

jennifersusan said...

Is there really ever any "good" reason for wanting to weild the power of a stache? Let's see...I think, as a mom with four boys, two of whom are at that touchy stage of, I'm too cool for parents, I really need it. C'mon I can hear it now, "I don't really have any parents, especially that one, over there, in the mustache". Or how about hearing them say, "mom, could you please not take your mustache with you to pick me up from school and please don't let me friend see you". Then again, I do have a freshman in highschool who has quite the follicular-upper-lipular coming in and he might steal it to make him that much cooler at school. Something to think about!

April said...

Hi There! I came across your blog by way of SITS. I love your sense of humor! It's definitely one thing this world needs more of!

Anyhow, I would love the "'Stache on a Stick". I would use it as a disguise. Everytime I'd hear my girls yelling, "Mom!!!", I could just use my 'stache on a stick and pretend to be totally someone else...an imposter, a strange lady who forgot to wax her uppper lip...you get the picture! I could be anyone else, but MOM! Oh, if they'd only fall for it!! :)

Theresa Cloyd said...

Thank you for the comment and adding my blog. I will try and keep the post as entertaining as your's are. I really enjoy reading your blog.
As for the 'stache I will have to pass I'm not sure if my husband will appreciate it as much as I. In all honestly he would probably just be jealous. And for hair I just invested in a really good straightner. Good Luck!

Little Birdie Secrets said...

Congrats on being saucy!!

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

I need the mustache because in 1979 while driving down the blvd. in San Diego with my then boyfriend and my 4 year old daughter in a rented convertible mine blew off.... other drivers passed by and laughed at me and I never recovered from the humiliation of a rubber nose, black glasses and Groucho Marx mustache hitting the windshield of the car behind us. I have lived in shame all of these years... Please... may I have the one on a stick? sniff

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm having a little Magnum PI fantasy right now. I can't think of anything!

P.S. YOU are pretty hot with that 'stash as well! ;)

M said...

See, I'm a little young for Magnum P.I.

Now, I DO remember Mr. Selleck in Three Men and a Baby and as Monica's man on Friends.

Does that make me worthy of the stache??

QuirkyLoon said...

I need the stache, cuz my own is turning gray. Plus I'm tired of having to shave it everyday. Can you say five o'clock shadow? The stubble hurts my husband when I give him a peck.

I would use it to instill horror and fear in my two boys. I would hide behind doors and jump out at them with the stache on and yell, "Yippeyiohkiay!"

Life with the stache would be just heavenly; without it...life would continue to meander endlessly into a great huge vat of nothingness.

The stache would make all my dreams come true. It would give my life purpose and meaning.

Do you want to be the reason why I give up on life? All I'm asking for is the stache....is that too much to ask for?

Please, say you'll give me the stache.

Christa said...

I need, deserve and want to win the coveted mustache on a stick because:

a) As a Giggle facilitator, my subjects demand I project a combination of silliness and strength at all times. Moustaches accomplish this goal fully;
b) Only Italian woman can confidently wear moustaches (we are genetically predisposed, along with the Greeks for grow facial hair);
c) I am on the Commission for Facial Hair Growth Counsel (and current Vice President). This award might help me vie and win the coveted President position (although, I may have to personally grow a goatee);
d) I embrace the weird, unique and obscure moments life offers us, especially when these things are attached to a stick;
e) I will photograph myself wearing the moustache on a stick and allow you to publish the photo on your site. I have no shame.
f) I date a man with a moustache (attached to a goatee) and winning the prize would confirm my adoration for this man (and might convince him to take me out to a swanky dinner).

Love is indeed, hairy.

Everything is better on a stick
;-)

Giggle On people…Giggle On!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

A 'stache on a stick? Perfect! That would complete my ensemble of paint-stained jeans (seriously I absent-mindedly wore them to an appointment and somebody thought they were a REALLY COOL fashion statement)ummmm paint stained tee shirt and coordinating sneakers.
Can I paint it?

zenmom said...

I am unworthy of the 'stache on a stick (Why is it that all the best things in life come on a stick, anyway? Hot dogs, fair food, those little missionary heads ... Hmmm, one of life's unknowable mysteries, I guess.)

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, yes ... unworthy, blah blah woof woof ... BUT! I still had to comment because:

1) You crack me up ... consistently

and

2) You posted a pic of mustachioed Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. For that alone, you are my new bestest blogging buddy.

Unlike some of these whipper-snappers, I AM old enough to remember Magnum AND The Bandit.

And, trust me, the new no-mustache models are at least 42% less hot - er, I mean, less wise - than the originals.

Alas, they did not know the true center of their superior mojo was the 'stache.

A moment of silence, please, for their loss.

Christie said...

Seriously funny post...it makes me think of the movie "Hot Rod"...oh what he could do with a mustache and a cape!
I'm not sure what I would do with a 'Stache....oooo maybe I would try to get strangers to pose for pictures with the mustache on a stick and then post them on my blog.
You're too funny!

Becky :) said...

Ok, I just can't stop reading your blog. I'm laughing constantly. And when I saw the question about Burt Reynolds mustache it made me think of the I Love The 70's on VH1. Made me laugh even louder.

Aubrey said...

Speaking of the market...I am sad to say this but I will soon be trading my super loaded, seat warming, leather interior, 3-row gas guzzler in for a fresh 80's model Chevy Beretta. Yes, sad but true. I don't think anything would cheer me up more that to sport the 'stache on a stick while cruisin' my new ride. I think the two go hand in hand, no?

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Ok. Since I am very short I will wear the mustache (I'll have to shave my real one off first so that the one you send will stick. and I don't want mine to get jealous so I'll just kill it.)while wearing a tacky Hawaiian shirt, with the top buttons open to show my chest hair in true Tom Selleck fashion, with my leg warmers on my hairy legs cause I wanna be just like you and look up at my sky and yell "Da plane. da plane!!"(that guy had a mustache right?) Then Ricardo Montalban will walk out from my overgrown bushes (pun intended) and we'll smoke a stogie together like I always wanted too. You can come too if you want. But I get a turn at Ricardo first. I don't want your sloppy seconds.

Love,

me

Natalie said...

I would use the Stache-on-a-Stick to cover my shame.

If you draw a line starting directly between my nostrils, from corner to corner of my upper lip, and back again you will see that you have just charted the Azorean Triangle. Similar to the Bermuda Triangle, yet completely different.

Located within this treacherous zone is the results of a perfect storm of genetics: Portuguese & PCOS.

Under my nose is very pilose. But with my stache on a stick, no one would knows.

Melodie said...

I need to win the "Stache on a Stick" to add a little bit more authority to when I call my husband my "Bitch."

Fifi Flowers said...

Your moustache is lovely!

Tiffany said...

Oh man. You are so freakin' funny.

Remember me when this blog makes you famous...

Anna Lefler said...

These comments are killin' me! Oh, man, this is going to be a fierce competition...

More testament to the awesome power of the 'stache...

[VROOM-VROOM]

XO

Anna

KiKi said...

Hi Anna --

I'm new around these parts and have just discovered your kick ass blog. I have been laughing crying reading some of your stuff. Anyway -- wanted to say hi. By the way, if I were to have my very own stash, I would simply love it and hug it and pet it and squeeze it and I think I'll call him George.

I look forward to reading more!

Ki

TheFLy said...

I dont need a stache, but even if I did, I couldnt really grow one. For some reason my hispanic genes only let me to grow one on the sides and it turns into a trash-stache. Ugh. I have long since said good bye to those days. However, a plastic stache could make me handsome and not just cute, haha. Hmmmm.

buzz buzz

HappyHourSue said...

Oh, this is too excellent. I can totally picture how I will use it: Someone will pose me a very thought provoking question and I will whip out my moustache-on-a-stick and smooth the ends going "hmmmmmmmmmmmm....let me think...."

It'll be awesome.

Justine said...

Anna, you're a loon! I don't need no stinkin' resin mustache. I grow my own just fine, thank you very much. After all, I am Italian!
Justine :o )

KiKi said...

You crack me up! Love your blog!

KiKi said...

Nuh-UH! I'm stalking YOU now!. I think I have a girl crush. I've been going through *your* posts thinking, omigod, she sounds just like me! :-P

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

All I could think of during this post was from the VH-1 series, "I Love the 70's" when they would break before a commerical saying, "It's time for Burt Reyonold's mustache....it's time for Burt Reynold's mustache."

OK...here is what I would love to do with it. Our team at work (I work in advising at a university) is stressed beyond belief. Every day we deal with student issues and have to be sort of like Magnum PI in searching for the true reason behind their issues.

I think it would be fun to make this a traveling award on our team. Each week we could pass it to the team member who channeled their inner Tom Selleck and did some good detective work in working with a student (get it? Magnum PI?). Then each week the winner from the week before would pass the 'stache to the next winner.

Wearing at the staff meeting, is indeed, a must.

Eudea-Mamia said...

Me! Please!

There are a couple of moms in the Drop Off Line at school that I need to go all Snidely Whiplash on their butts, and that stache would so up the intimidation factor.

Back to gazing at dreamy Tommy Boy - sigh.

Em

AngiDe- Nana's Box said...

'Stache huh? =)
My ONLY experience with them is the thin, blond, yet respectable one that my dad wears. Now he is blond, fair skinned and green eyed. I, however, am olive complected, poop brown eyes and ebony hair... yes I am his biological daughter....
so I would use the 'stache to avoid questions of adoption while out with my father =) (sorry I'm not much of a comedian) hee hee, just wanted to say HEY!

Angie
www.nanasboxnonprofit.blogspot.com

Hey come check out my new giveaway, it's a goodie!

Rhea said...

You are such a goofball! I don't need no stinkin' stache on a stick, because I plan on growing my own.

I figure I'll take the extra hair from my chin, the stray strands growing out of my nipple and the extra butt hair and MAKE MY OWN!!

nikkicrumpet said...

I'm thinking that the stache-on-a-stick would be a nice weight counterbalance to the hair on my back. People think I'm trying to stick my boobs out...but the reality is the hair weight is dragging me down. Besides...it would be fun to have people come up and say..."hey what is that curwhibble you have there?" And I could say "look you phlyarologist...don't make me use this stick!!"

Jenn Thorson said...

A reason? Oh, THAT's simple.

Because I've already tied Pauline to the railroad track and I have simply NOTHING to twirl evilly.

Bummer.

nikkicrumpet said...

Did I win yet?

angie said...

Oh my gosh. I can't say that I'd have a persuasive arguement for a mustache on a stick, but I can tell you that I loVED reading this. I'm SO glad you stopped by! :)

Christa said...

Thanks for hollaring back at me like Patron Saint Gwen Stefani.

So, did I win yet?

Back off people, the 'stache is mine!

*Muah ha ha ha ha*

Jamie said...

OMG! I HAVE to have this stache to live out my Tom Selleck Fantasies!! I just wrote about him last week for our Humor Carnival at HB:

http://jamieandtnt.blogspot.com/2008/10/part-2-growing-up-in-80s.html

Where If I may quote myself..said, "My great Uncle in the 80's was a paparazzi, and when he would come visit he would bring a briefcase full of pictures he took of celebrities. I remember finding one he had of Tom Selleck, and he let me have it. I carried it around for a long time. I think I still have it!"

end quote. So..I clearly am deserving of this very Stache!! I need it to make my hubby wear while I tell him to "Talk Selleck" to me!! Hell I may even find the paparazzi picture in my hope chest and post it on my blog to show i am all deserving....Just think about it!

BTW- Thanks for the love over at Soccer Mom...today is my last day there..so bring my some of the green pills!!!

Brenda Jean said...

I promise NOT to use the 'stache for my own personal gain, as that would probably be morally wrong. At least I think it would be, unless of course I am at Starbucks and they want to give me a free latte because they think I am Tom Selleck. Then I may have to give in to tempation. Wait, do you think they'll notice I'm only 5 foot tall? I could be Sonny of Sonny and Cher- but didn't he die? Rats! My plans are foiled...

Insane Mama said...

I seriously NEED a mustache on a stick, because I will take it camping with me and after a glass of two of wine I will roam the campsite with my moustache stick perched just so and I will make hoardes of NEW friends

Heather said...

I regularly wear my jumpsuit with rainbow stripes emblazoned down the arms. After I feather my hair and spray it with Aqua Net, I jump into my Tranz Am and cruise with the T-tops wide open and my little chimp friend sitting in the bucket seat next to me. That's the way I roll. A 'stache would just be the cherry on top, baby.

Brittany said...

Magnum PI, Ned Flanders, Al Borlin...all the historic geniuses of our time had mustaches.

But I would use a 'stache on a stick to distract people from my wax neglected upper lip and too tight jeans, so really, i guess I would use it as a kind of cloaking device for my hairy bloatedness.

Jen said...

ZOMG I am so loving your blog! I found you through jennifersusan's blog - you are absolutely hilarious!!!

Thanks for the giggles!!! TGIF!!!

Brooke said...

I took the SITS challenge and am going to start visiting the blog of the girl that comments before me on roll call and guess who?! You got. YOU! :) You are quite entertaining. Although I have not idea what I would do with a mustache on a stick, I am sure I could figure out something to do with it that would surely make my husband roll his eyes at me. I love to act like a dork around him. One of the only people I can do that to and still have as a friend. ha ha Great post!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

First time here and you are a ball of fun. I'm going to bookmark you.

I would use the "stache" at work. I teach 10th grade and have to have multiple personalities to keep their attention anyways, the mustache could only help in keeping them focused on what I am saying.

Meaghan said...

Gotta LOVE the stash! My dad use to have one and when I was a kid he shaved it off and I totally flipped out! Just wasn't the same w/o out that all important stash!!

I launched my coffee website (www.getthebean.com) and we are doing a bunch of giveaways. If you want to get in on it check out www.getthebean.blogspot.com

-Meg

Melodie said...

Tag - you're it! See my blog for details.

Sandy & Rick said...

Congrats on being Saucy. I remember watching Magnum PI when I was a kid.

Politi Gal said...

Ok, here's my deal: Gary Coleman has taken out a restraining order against me, and my membership in the "Whatcha Talkin' 'Bout Willis" fan club has been revoked. The whole thing is just a horrible, horrible mista...a total accident I swear!

(BTW...if you ever decide to crazy glue yourself to a famous little person, I've discovered that they'll more than likely misinterpret your act of devotion as...what did they call it? Psychopathy. Yup pretty sure that's what they said. Anyhoo..)

I swear the whole thing is just a total misunderstanding, and I'm pretty sure Gary and I will laugh about it every time I bring him his mini-ravioli in the cell in the basement I've built to keep him safe from the really crazy bitches out there.

But to make my Different Strokes dreams come true I NEED the power of DA STASH! How else am I gonna get close enough to my nugget to show him how much love I have to give!

P.S. The above is total fiction...it was really Vern Troyer, a lasso, and the cell is in the attic not the basement (that would be nuts). Don't want you thinkin' I'm really crazy or anything...

XOXO Your Biggest Fan!

Reddirt Woman said...

Hmmm... if I won the 'Stache, I could revive the Pink Panther detective, Clouseau... rub the 'stache, raise my eyebrow and make brilliant deductions to catch the crooks...

Fun post. Thanks for the laughs.

Helen G.

WishTrish said...

I found your side-splitting blog because you showed up on my follow list. You are totally cracking me up with the 'stache. I can't wait to read more!

VE said...

Why I would take that moustache on a stick and go to an all you can eat buffet and order tons of food. We all know that food accumulates in a moustache and I fugure using my newly acquired moustache I could build up enough leftovers in it to feed myself for a week thus saving money in these hard times...

You know...if you get me a Magnum PI chest rug to go with it I could also feed the rest of my family...

Kally said...

You are too much. I am loving all the stache stories/comments.

I don't think I could be so stylin' with a stache on a stick but I would definitely make the Mr wear it. When he attempts a mustache the poor guy looks drug-dealer-esque and our monkey,B, claims it burns her eyes to look at it. I have to say "No" to the tiny, pathetic centipede-like thing crawling across his upper lip and hand him the razor or threaten with night-time nair if he is in denial of his lack of stache suave.

mommaof4wife2r said...

not much of a 'stache woman myself, but a 'stache on a stick...now that i can handle!

Spaceofgrace said...

Hilarious! You are too funny and I love your profile pic! Hehe... I would use my super stash to... hmm... um.. oh dear, I think I'VE LOST TOO MANY (oops caps lock) brain cells during child birth to figure this one out... I know.. use it to fake out the hubby when I am utterly exhausted and he's particularly frisky at 3 O'freakin CLOCK in the morning. Though he may wonder why a strange man is in his bed and leave the room entirely. Oooh bonus... the whole bed to myself!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

'Stache on a Stick? Pffffft!
Now, you deep fry that baby and you've got yerself a carnival midway treat! Or, would that be a carny, mid-day treat? Ewwwww!!! Did I just write that out loud?

The Wife O Riley said...

Great Blog! I need the stache because Dudley Do-Right needs to be brought down a peg or two! Plus, with it being on a stick, you can move it up and have a uni-brow.

nikkicrumpet said...

did I win yet?

C.S. Perry said...

I deserve to win this contest because:

I want to tickle everything I kiss.

I need something to twist whenever I do something Evil.

I'd really like to break into the porn industry.

I know the answer to the question "What would Burt Reynolds do?":
"What wouldn't he do, baby?"

I'm secretly having an affair with Sally Field.

My lip is cold...so cold.

Darrin said...

I'm a bit awkward in social situations, but I think if I could put on my smooth Guido Sarducci persona, it could help me to feel more at ease with myself. Hmmmm... a moustache may be just the thing to help me pull this off!

Mamarazzi said...

i need this for one simple reason. something to cover up my OWN moustache between waxing.

mine is not funny. yours totally is!

i want it.

you crack me up. i am a follower now...and F-O-R-E-V-E-R...

thanks for stopping by and for following me toooo so fun!

Mamarazzi said...

oh and i am your 50th follower...that has to count for something right!

the stache is MINE!!

and i promise to take pics wearing it and looking stache-a-licious.

yea you read that right...how else would a hot chick look in a stache like that one...i mean really. sure i could grow my own but why bother.

Anna Lefler said...

Oh, MAN! We are getting some AMAZING entry comments! It's going to be hard to judge this one...

NOTE - only comments posted before 3:00 pm Pacific Time (that's Noon East Coast) on Saturday, 10/18 will be in the running for the 'stache...

Thanks for all the terrific comments - you all are crackin' me UP!

All right, I'm off to hang upside in my doorway with my wings wrapped around me for the night...

:^) Anna

Yaya said...

You are too funny!

Hula's Secret Blog said...

Love it!

Heather said...

I have just one reason for wanting - nay, needing - that 'stache:

http://tinyurl.com/6rukao

Stache-iness is next to Georginess, you know!

(Oh, and thanks for dropping by my blog - I've become a newly devoted stalker of yours following discovery of your blog through the SITS blogathon, and it's always so exciting when the kewlest bloggers on the block pop by my corner of cyberspace................)

Cheers!

Ronnica said...

Hmm, I don't know how convincing I can be that I want something when I really don't. I mean, it could be fun and all, but I'm SURE someone else has a much more devious use for it than I would.

Thanks for stopping by. You're definitely one of my new reads!

mommaof4wife2r said...

so the van halen toast...google image search. i love it!!!! u can get u some too!

mrsmouthy said...

The older I get the closer I am to becoming a potential mustachioed guru that you could also call on for advice. My upper lip quite frequently forgets that it's GIRL, and my chin is getting some bad ideas from it...

NJDecorator said...

Since the 18th is my birthday can I get a second entry?

iheartbowheads.blogspot.com said...

ok that was one funny post - you have a new follower here!

:)

Holly

KiKi said...

I woke up -- stupidly -- this morning to the noise of my 6 yr old opening and closing those obnoxious musical greeting cards...you know, the ones that play like The Hamster Dance or The Mickey Mouse Song. And, yes, I did want to stick pencils in my eyes.

Where was I?

Oh yes. So, as I am waking up (and nearly knocked a glass of water over in the process...I'm kind of a klutz), I remember the 'stache.

I don't mean to be longwinded, but I'm a blowhard, so whatever! The thing is, I was a quirky young dame and had a rather unhealthy obsession with mustaches. Not just any every day, Joe Policeman mustache. The nice, juicy ones that truly made a statement. Now, I was also always fascinated (in a twisted way) by those pubey little pre-staches some boys were cursed by bad taste to cultivate and whose mothers wouldn't say, "shave that moss off your face", but that was different. Maybe it was the actress in me at the time. Character study and all that, but it was more likely because I was a little piss ant.

And Burt Reynolds was the best. I have a very odd obsession with him. But I'll save that for another time. Oh, you have "Oats" from the beloved duo "Hall 'n Oats", Cap'n Crunch, Charlie Chaplin, Geraldo...but there is one very close to my heart and this is the reason I would love to wield the powah o' tha stache!: Comedian Avery Schreiber, who is fondly remembered as "that Doritos guy." A heavy set, wild-eyed curly-haired chip lover who had an ability to knock down the Leaning Tower of Piza or random buildings with just one crunch. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24IQlY8ONmc)

Oh, I always wanted this superpower. Believe you me, I tried with all my heart. I'd reach into my bag of Doritos and deliberately, slowly, bring that chip into my mouth and try to knock down anything in my path. Alas, it never worked. I just succeeeded in getting a lot of crumbs stuck in my neck folds. And do you know why? I didn't have the 'stache, baby. Didnt.have.the.stache.

So, if I were to wield the power, I would do my best to travel worldwide with my 'stache, hold it up to my mouth, and never give up on my quest to bring down tha house. Oh yeah, and I'll take pictures too.

Holy spacehog, Batman...I think I just wrote a blog post in your comments area. Sorrrrrry!!! :-P

xo - Ki

Rick said...

Here I am, doing a bit of blog surfing and I come across this photo of what I would describe as a, well... a perfectly fine, attractive young lady sporting facial hair. Of course I had to pull in for a closer gander.

First off, I was a bit surprised to learn that Burt went past sainthood, and on to deity level. (Honestly, I didn't even know that he was dead.) But praying to the Reynolds god? I don't know...

Now, one look at my profile photo and I know that you're going to say, "He's jealous because he's folliclely challenged." (Translate: Can't grow hair where one might rather it be grown.) And you would be right. I've had it in for Burt ever since Smokey II. And why did he and Sally break up?

But, having sit, sat, set the record straight I want you to know that IF I were to be so honored as to win this verse fine piece of hoary hilarity (Look it up. I did. It's word)... IF I were to win... why... why... I would invent cold fusion!!!! And then I was save the poplar ice-caps - just as an encore.

Now, I ask you, have any of your other, so called, pathetic blogging friends had more noble aspirations for the afore mentioned mustache masterpiece? Let me answer that one for you - it's probably been a long day. NO!!!! I tell you. No way.

So, I know we've just met and all, but please consider this bit poor, old, bald man's submission for you contest. The poplar bears ain't got much time. So hurry!

Rick said...

Ahem... I meant "polar bears." I was hoping that you might think I was just trying to be funny, but I think you're a lot smarter than that.

Pennies In My Pocket said...

Quit bustin' my gutt making me laugh like that! lol SO funny because my friend is thinking about naming her new baby Magnum ... I'm SO sending her this post! lol

~melody~

Rick said...

HEY! I just noticed that you signed up to be a follower. Does this mean I won... anything? something? Begging...

Seriously - thank you, I am honored. I actually "bookmarked" you under "entertainment" in my computer. Why? Because I find your blog entertaining - silly rabbit.

Swirl Girl said...

Hey - I got to you from SITS.- I live just south of the Nard in T.O (is that annoying too?)

You are a riot and wil for sure be back....

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.co,

Swirl Girl said...

Oh- and i would wear my stache on a stick to my favorite restaurant because it would alleviate the need for a doggy bag!!

Hubby has a stache and I catch him licking it sometimes (yick) and I say - whatya going back for seconds?

WheresMyAngels said...

Well darn it. I missed the mustache contest!

Maggie R said...

Hey Anna,,,
I'm not here for the draw, but i wanted to find out who does your "Hair".... I mean all of it!!! hee hee
BTW Thanks for popping by my blog.. LOL
xoxo
((((hugs))))
Maggie