If You Believe In Life Getting Weirder...

...Clap Your Hands!

She's a cruel mistress, that FeedBurner. She giveth and she taketh away.

Take last night, for example.

I doze off here with my head on the keyboard and fingers clamped around a Dixie cup of Thunderbird, content in the warm and loving bosom of some 462 email subscribers (delightful individuals who - along with my lovely Blogger followers - are my very favorite people out there, all of whom have shiny, manageable hair.)

Come morning, I am assaulted by this heinous discovery:


I choke. I gasp. I cough up that orange TicTac I've been looking for these last three days.

What in the name of Justin Timberlake's jockstrap is going on?!?

I wrack my memory. How did this happen? Where did they go? Did I behave in an untoward manner? Did I (God forbid) attempt that Quiet Riot karaoke song again?

Worse yet [spine gets all tingly]...could foul play be afoot?

I Spring Into Action

I am writing from my mobile command center - a highly advanced and heavily armored van conversion - which is hidden parked behind my garage as a favor to my brother while he sorts out some short-term financial irregularities with a local repossession company.


From this high-tech nerve-center (complete with sound-arresting shag carpet and smoke-bubble surveillance windows shaped like mushrooms), I am coordinating a massive effort to find, secure and, if necessary, rescue my dear subscribers from whatever villainous force has taken control of them. If necessary, I will unleash my powers of feng shui, aromatherapy and our school's earthquake phone tree.

In the meantime, though, I guess I should put my robe on and staple some fliers on power poles around the neighborhood.

[sigh]

Say, if you happen to see any of these dear folks, please tell them I haven't given up - I'll find a way to bring them home.

Because I sure do miss 'em.

[I'll get you, FeedBurner. And your little dog, too.]


In Other News - Let's Talk Comedy!

I was thrilled when the very funny Jessica Bern of Bernthis.com invited me to be a member of a proposed comedy panel at the upcoming BlogHer 2009 conference this summer in Chicago (along with Wendi Aarons, Mamabird Diaries and Christy the Writer).

Now, I've never been to a BlogHer event, but when Jessica said she was paying all my expenses including a complimentary Shiatsu massage in the hotel spa, well, my immediate answer was, "I'm in!"

(At least, I think that's what she said. She was on her iPhone and driving by all those big satellite dishes near the studios and things got a little crunchy. Whatev. I'm going.)

However, in order for us to get on the BlogHer agenda and secure a room for our panel, we need to show the organizers that we can generate an audience for our talk.

That's Where You Come In

If you'd be interested in attending our comedy presentation (whether you can actually make it or not), please give us a quick click so we can accumulate enough votes to get on the agenda.

First, click here: DYING IS EASY, COMEDY IS HARD (that's our snappy title)

Then, just click on the link at the top of the page that reads "I would attend this session." It looks like this:


There's no obligation - you're just voting to put us on the schedule.

Once you click on the link it will read "I would not attend this session." That means your vote has been cast and you're all done! Thank you!

And just to give you a taste of what we've got in store for the presentation, here's our rough outline of topics so far:

• The care and feeding of rubber chickens
• Technology update: scratch 'n sniff hardware delayed yet again
• Who cares what your family thinks? You're damn funny!
• Go on, blog it. Believe me, if it's illegal, you'll hear about it.
• What's up with the stupid mustache glasses hat?
  
• Okay, dying probably is hard. And hardly ever funny. (Just another reason to some to our presentation.)

THANK YOU SO MUCH for voting for us!!!

Whether we get on the agenda or not, I'll be at BlogHer this July and I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to meeting my bloggy friends in person and I hope to see you there! Let me know if you're going!

Thanks again for the support...

And thank you to Panda Mime for this sweet package: