Monday, March 9, 2009

While You Were Out

Technically, The House Is Still There

When VodkaMom of
I Need a Martini Mom asked if I could keep an eye on her place while she was in rehab out of town, I naturally replied "Who the hell is this again?" "Why, sure! It'd be my pleasure!"

'Cause if there's one thing you can count on with me - no matter what - it's my sincere desire to root through people's stuff help people. Yeah, buddy.

So, um, it went...
okay. I mean, some house sitting gigs are more complicated than others but I think overall it went, ahhh...well, look, they're back now so it's really not my concern anymore, is it?

Anyway, all the details are
in the note I left for her on her kitchen counter.

In the meantime, if you talk with her and s
he says anything about me, just remember to factor this in:

That woman drinks.

A
lot.

A big thank you
to Meg at Prefers Her Fantasy Life for this wonderful honor:

I'm thrilled to receive this! Want to see the complete list of this month's ROFL recipients? You can find it at Oh, The Joys (each and every month). When you visit these two blogs, I bet you'll get hooked on them like I did. Thanks, ladies.

Want more laughs?
Visit Jessica Bern over at Bernthis.com. She just posted links to her webisodes on her sidebar and, if you've ever wondered what goes in someone else's therapy sessions...you're about to find out. [tee hee]

65 comments:

midlifeslices said...

A friend sucked me in to trying Second Life and teleported me to her "house" and then left me there so i did the only thing I could think to do I walked around in my herky jerky way and......I snooped through her drawers. People expect that, right? I always hide the good stuff when I know someone will be staying at my house.....alone. geezz...people should use their head.

The Mind of a Mom said...

Bhwaaaaaaaa the pic of the chair on fire that is too funny! Since reading your note last night and coming by for a visit today I am worried about one thing... How is the absence of Lloyd going to be explained at school?? LoL

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

thanks for the laughs!!!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You're such a great house sitter Anna. Ah. Well. At least you left a note.

DiPaola Momma said...

YEAH I got ya back, so the rumors of my being banned were just a hoax!

Mammatalk said...

And did you charge her for your services?

jennifersusan said...

I'd totally let you housesit for me. Not sure you'd have as much fun, but maybe I could gaurantee a good Lifetime movie that weekend?

Vodka Mom said...

thanks for the fire. I needed some new furniture- and that was the only way I could get it!!

MuseSwings said...

I popped over to Vodka's - I think I hear Lloyd skritching around in her make-up bag. I'm going to have to borrow some plastic sheeting from the Mafioso to protect my computer if I'm going to continue to stop by while I'm still drinking my coffee. Note to self - background checks on all moustacheoed house sitters.

Sandi said...

Loved your post at vodka's house!

Frank said...

I hate it when they say, “Please watch my house, but don’t go through the drawers like the Peterson’s did, because we can totally tell.”

the mama bird diaries said...

I think Vodka mom is going to be a little pissy about her recliner chair.

Mandy said...

Your house sitting was hilarious :)

blognut said...

I KNEW that drunken woman would own a purple recliner! Thank you for taking care of it, I'll sleep better knowing that chair is no longer in the world.

Beth Kephart said...

No one does comedy like you do, Anna. I can't decide which is better here—the preamble, or the amble. Either way, when you visit here, I'm taking away the matches.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

As long as you didn't let the dog run away or wreck the car, I would say your blogsitting is a huge success!

phd in yogurtry said...

But she shares, right?

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

I read Vodka Mom earlier today and lmao at it.. now here I am at your house and the entire story just gets all the more laughable... great post!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Reddirt Woman said...

Loyd... Snort, giggle, bust out laughin'.

Reddirt Woman said...

"lloyd"... laughing so hard I didn't get the second "L" in...

jubilee said...

It'd take all the wine coolers you have to get me to help look for Lloyd. Ick.

jubilee said...

I forgot to ask: Does she plan on returning the house sitting favor? I'd be worried if I were you! BG

The Retired One said...

That was so funny! Once, when we went to Mexico, my cat died while my friend was taking care of him. He went and hid in a hole in our basement, and she came over during her work lunch hour and had to climb in with a skirt and heels on to try and find him and take him to the vet, where he died. She had to leave me a note and was so upset until we got back that she hardly ate or sleep. Your note brought back that memory to me. Although we loved and missed our cat, we teased her for years about it and told everyone at work not to let her pet-sit or their animals might bite the dust.!!!

Vivian said...

Oh, your note was too funny. Glad it wasn't a total disaster! Hee, hee!

Anna Liffen said...

The last time I house-sat, the cat decided to get a stomach bug - through no fault of mind, I hasten to add - and shat all over the place. Properly SPRAYED cat poo everywhere. It wasn't pretty. Like I needed to point that out, but still.

Good work, Anna. :o)

xoxo

Leslie said...

You make me laugh, like EVERY time! Thanks!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

That was a nice kiss at the end leaving some Bartles and James for her to soak herself in. What can she be mad about then?

Joanie said...

Anna, that is one of the funniest posts I've read this week! Thanks for the belly laughs!

Bee and Rose said...

I will call you when I am ready to burn my house down to collect the insurance. I'll even throw in a little extra incense on the side, you know...just for the memories...is that cool with you?

♥ Braja said...

Why am I singing, "Burn baby burn, disco inferno..." from the eighties...

Jeanne said...

Great post!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I don't know why she's so upset. It's not like you destroyed her house on PURPOSE, right? Sheesh! Some people are so sensitive. You try to do them a favor...taking precious time out of YOUR day.

(By the way, let me know when you want the trampoline back)

Rhea said...

When house sitting, one should always short-sheet beds, freeze credit cards and remote controls in the freezer and stuff like that...but not burn down the house...

squaredonut said...

I loved, "One Woman's Terror."

Sue said...

Thank goodness you left VM such an honest note! Bummer about the recliner, but at least you came up with the idea of putting the burned side against the wall!

♥ bfs~"Mimi" ♥ said...

You are a riot!

wenderful said...

Recliners. Definitely better AND more functional when stuck in recline. Loved it!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

awesome job. wanna blog sit for me? I will be sure to hide the valuables and flammables.

Belle said...

Now that I know you do house-sitting....

HermanTurnip said...

Are you free this weekend to house sit our cat? I'm confident in your abilities and have doubt things will go swimmingly...

(Honey...hide the matches, and be sure to turn off the gas before Anna arrives. Thanks.)

Grand Pooba said...

Oh the silliness! I mean thougtfullness. So can I call you the next time I need a house sitter? I drink too :)

Coffee with Cathy said...

Your note to VodkaMom was priceless! Thanks so much for the belly-shaking laugh -- not that it takes much to shake my belly anymore, you know. But still.

Ducking Little said...

Clearly, the whole point of housesitting is that you get to go through other people's stuff. And bird baths and trampolines are health risks. You did her a favour, right?

nikkicrumpet said...

hehehehehehehe

The Retired One said...

I forgot to tell you...head on over to my blog site, you have an award waiting for you there!

Beth said...

Is house sitting stressful? Do you think it would make for a successful second career? It sounds kind of fun.

MommyTime said...

Just had to let you know that I found your post for (to?) VodkaMom to be completely hilarious.

CDB said...

Yep.. from comments, definitely sounds like you'll be For Hire more often. Matches or no matches. Impressive you found another fiery flames picture!

Off to play your blog tag.

Debbie said...

Congrats on your award! You deserve it.

VaBookworm said...

This comment will be buried under 49 others, unfortunately, however I just wanted you to know you have an award on my blog!

Flippin' hilarious post by the way! :o)

sherri said...

I know you are up to your eyeballs in awards, but one more to put on your virtual mantle is over at the claw for you. it is on last night's post, not today's which is worse...

JMS said...

Oh Baby! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! (Sob!) My Hubby and 2 kids and the dog have been "house sitting" before, though I really like to think of it as Hey-Look-Where-We-Live-Temporarily-As-The-Real-Owners-Spend-Lots-Of-$$-On-Vacation-Somewhere-We-Could-Never-Afford-To-Go-While-We-Look-After-Their-Crazy-Stupid-Dog-And-Lust-Inducing-Home.

Not sure I'm going to do that again any time soon. It made me (for a little while) really hate going to my real home.

Poor Spider. I told Martini that she'd better look in her shoes for Lloyd or she might get a slightly unpleasant surprise!

So glad I found your blog!

Jennifer @ Random Ramblings

Kim Hightower said...

LMAO!!!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Did you get anything on Vodka Mom in the end? Skellingtons in the closet? Empties hidden about the house? Daughters planning illegal weddings with unsuitable men they've met on the Internet?

No? Oh, that's sad, because she's sure as *ell got something on you now, not least your fingerprints as you've been over there, (unless they got all burnt up in the conflagration?!), and she's sure to pin something on you... Just saying... x (I adored your post, bytheway!)

IB said...

You and Vodka Mom in cahoots; that is surely a union forged in the fires of hell (or anywhere else flammables may be stored).

Joppa Road said...

just saying hello, hope all is good.

JR

WhisperingWriter said...

That burning recliner made me think of my Sims game. I am forever setting my Sims kitchen on fire. Not on purpose, I promise.

Shonda Little said...

If you were a teenager, I would totally think this whole story was just a cleaver cover up to the party you threw getting into the vodka cabinets.

Eudae-Mamia said...

So sad I'm late to the party - all the wine coolers are gone.

Bummer.

Scary Mommy said...

You crack the shit out of me, woman.

Pemilu Indonesia 2009 said...

nice blog.... thanks :)

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

What a great way to start a Friday! Too funny! :)

The Mom Bomb, a/k/a Folksy Mama said...

You are totally welcome to house-sit for us anytime. There's a hutch in the backyard with a vicious bunny inside. Please feel free to leave the hutch door open and let the bunny escape. My daughter will hate you forever but I'll be your best friend for life.

G said...

I almost burned down a house a few years back. It was a place I was working at. I had used their CRAPPY blackened cookie sheet to cook on (I was desperate for food okay!). I used pot holders to take the cookies sheet out of the oven and then threw them in a drawer. About a half hour I smelled smoke. Dang drawer of potholders was on fire but weren't getting much o2 til I opened up the drawer. I will stop the story there, before I embarrass myself.

BlackenedBoy said...

Goodness to Betsy I love you. The best thing about this blog is that I read it knowing full and well that 90% of the stuff is made up for comedic value but still don't care.

You're very funny.