Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Meme Smackdown! (And a Dubious Compliment)

Behold the Dubiousness

OK, so I know I promised you a dubious compliment at the tail end of the last post, and I was going to relate this whole, long story involving a restaurant host, lumpy Hollandaise sauce and public mocking (of me) by three other women, but I'll condense it into this little morsel of mental taffy for you to chew on:

Is it a compliment for a stranger to mistake you for a celebrity...who is 20 years older than you are?

P.S. It was not a movie or TV star, it was someone in the news media. And, NO, it wasn't Geraldo Rivera...but I see how you got there.
Say It Like You Meme It

The whole meme thing intrigues me. (At first, I misread it as "mime," which is clown-adjacent, and I have some serious issues with those who practice the dark arts of the squirting lapel flower. I can't even look at those teeny little electric cars - you know, the reeeeeally small ones - because I just know that twenty clowns are going to spill out of them at any moment with their flappy shoes and pretend grins, like I don't get enough silly clothes and fake smiles already every morning at Peet's...)

Anyway...memes.

I just got nailed tagged with my first meme within the last week by the lovely Melodie over at Me & My Girls, and it looks like a cool one (thanks, Melodie!):


Hmmm...seven random or weird facts about myself. Here goes:
  1. I played glockenspiel in our high school marching band. (Explains a lot, yes?)
  2. My favorite part of fried chicken: the skin.
  3. In 5th grade, I won a contest writing a song that used only the black piano keys. (Wait, is that racist?)
  4. When I was around 10 years old, I used to eat a whole can of black olives, then pour the juice into a little glass and drink it while pretending to be James Bond. [Note to self: delete #4 before you publish this post, you big, big freak.]
  5. I was born without wisdom teeth. (Some would say I could do without the "teeth" in that statement.)
  6. I detest seafood to the point that I resent aquariums.
  7. Secret career aspiration: long-haul trucker with a sleeper cab. (Mostly, I just want to have a sleeper cab; driving around with an air horn would be gravy.)
Whew! Well, that was bracing. I think we both learned a few things we'd like to expunge from the ol' hard drive as soon as possible, hmmm?

But wait - there's more...

I am honored to have received two variations on the "Kreativ Blogger" award from several new blog buds. This one...


...is from Sanity Check, One Two... and The Wise Young Mommy.

And, for spring, it also comes in this color combo from Two Girls for Mama:


Thanks so much for these!

So the deal here is that the recipient is supposed to list six things they love/value and six things they, well, don't. I'll skip the usual love list of kids and pets and husbands (Woops! That last one is supposed to be singular, isn't it?) and instead share a few more specific everyday dislikes and some offsetting activities to accompany them.

In the end, if I've done my math correctly, no one gets hurt.
  1. Horrid woman drowning in any of the Liz Taylor "fragrances" who's barking into her cell phone and holding up the grocery checkout line can be cancelled out by the fact that she must endure the audible cheers of those in line behind her when smug, 20-year-old store manager refuses to honor her expired two-for-one coupon on Jimmy Dean sausage patties.
  2. Buzzkills who, oblivious to all social cues, relentlessly harangue others with their political views can be cancelled out by making them listen in turn to your detailed description of the side-splitting opening scene of "Undercover Brother."
  3. Parking ticket given by hateful, passive-aggressive meter maid with obvious John Wayne complex can be cancelled out with extended sofa snuggles with beagle puppy. (Awww...)
  4. Snooty boutique salesgirls who act like you're invisible just because you're wearing cowboy boots and on old Oingo Boingo concert t-shirt can be cancelled out by storing the experience away to be used later when creating a character in a novel who, as it happens, contracts gonorrhea.
  5. Being addressed by a strange man as "Honey" or "Sweetie" can be cancelled out by addressing him in return as "Shrinky" or "Maude."
  6. Having to spend an evening in the company of someone who is so arrogant and self-absorbed that they never ask even once what you do can be cancelled out by calling them by the wrong name on the way out and wishing them luck on a fictional project that is not in their field.
Well, there it is. And I don't know about you, but I feel...refreshed...exhilarated...cleansed. Much like that first time I had Indian food.

Oh, and I went to a pumpkin-carving party Saturday night.


Could I be any more lazy?

60 comments:

Anna Lefler said...

P.S. - I'll be handing off the "Tag" meme to the next seven blog buds in my next post, FYI...

XO

Anna

Aubrey said...

OMGosh! I can't stop laughing. You are TOO much! I'm so glad we crossed paths during the blogathon. I'm sorry, but you won't be losing me anytime soon!

Honey Mommy said...

Wow. You're SO popular!

I love your pumpkin. Now that's MY idea of carving.

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

oh my goodness you kill me! If I laughed any harder I'd hurt some internal organs. You surely can tell it like it is.

Thanks for the smiles.

I'm having a little bitty give away, so if you're interested pop by for a visit and just leave a message - easy peasy!

La Belette Rouge said...

I hope the Unknown Comic Pumpkin doesn't run into Gallagher. That would not be pretty. Please tell me you know who Gallagher is.

Oh, and let me guess on the celebrity you were mistaken for. Um, Catherine Deneuve or Luigi of Mario Brother's fame with a blond wig? Don't feel bad. People are forever telling me I look like Monica Lewinsky. I always try to take it as a compliment.

KiKi said...

BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. If I was drinking chocolate milk right now, it would have come out my nose.

xo - Ki

Marinka said...

You're not lazee, you're Kreativ!

Reddirt Woman said...

The glockenspiel!! That's almost as bad as the french horn... boy are there a bunch of rude comments that can be made about both of those. I love the cancellations part also, so be sure and let me know when you publish your next novel so I can look for the gonorrhea girl, and I like to drink the pickle juice from my Claussen (they're my favorites) dill pickles.

Thanks for the laughs today.

Helen G.

Eudea-Mamia said...

I can see why you received the awards. Your writing floors me - awesome.

I'm so with you on the long haul trucker thing!! A career that lets you be in your own "space" 24/7 - a germaphobes dream. You know, except for all those truck stops.

The back of my cab would be shabby chic, with a t.v., microwave and wireless access. Handle would be Chickadee.

Can you seriously get any better than that?

Besides the whole hemorrhoid thing.

Donut anyone?

Em

angie said...

I love your humor. LOVE it. NOw, who were you mistaken for? I have to know.

angie said...

P.S. I was born with only 2 wisdom teeth.....I guess I was only half way lucky. :)

Becky :) said...

You are absolutely hilarious!!!!! You didn't need the wisdom teeth because you were obviously born with funny bones that are being better used than the teeth would have been.

I really love reading your blog!!!

WishTrish said...

Okay, Anna, you are totally cracking me to pieces. Love it!

KiKi said...

PS:

In my make believe world, I was mistaken for Carol Channing once.

Yeah, man. I so identify.

*snort*

xo - Ki

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Well, I feel slightly slutty knowing that I wasn't the ONLY one to give you that award, but oh well...I'm used to it! LOL. (just kidding. really.)

Congrats on being so rad!

Ma'dame French said...

You are crazy~~~~Thanks for the laughs;) French

The Wife O Riley said...

Great Post! You really perked up my day! Let me try to guess who you were mistaken for;

You already said it wasn't Geraldo...hmmm.

Larry King? Nope, no mustache.

I got it!!! Gene Shalit!!!!

You should definitely take that as a compliment, that's right up there with being mistaken for the Dorito Guy. (Which happens to me daily!)

dddiva said...

Well, how lucky can you get, before I read this I tagged you over on my blog. ;)
Hehe this one is easy, just a pic. :)
Congrats on your awards. :D

Blicky Kitty said...

Everyone keeps telling me I look exactly like this young mustachioed blogger so I thought I'd come over and take a look.

I can only see the resemblance if I mix my benzodiazepines, with chlordiazepoxide and diazepam and top it off with a stiff shot of bourbon.

Love,
Liza Minelli

Vivian said...

Love your pumpkin.

Justine said...

After reading this long post, I only have one question. WTF is a glockenspiel???????????????????

Justine :o )

MuseSwings said...

Hilarious! I'm with you on the chicken and the long haul trucker. The rest of 'em? I can only sit here in awe of you.

MuseSwings said...

Oh - almost forgot - for several years people kept telling me I look like Martha Stewart. They suddenly stopped. Haven't heard that in quite a while. Perhaps it's the new moustache.

Jori-O said...

#5 is the best, although I was laughing out loud the entire time. You are funny! Thanks for the good chuckle!

And congrats on the awards!! =)

Blicky Kitty said...

OH and I'm tagging you for Fourth of the Fourth since your in that tag-tacular mode anyway.

Here's my post to explain what it is. Mine's sucky and embarassing and you could do way better with yours:
http://blickykitty.blogspot.com/2008/10/ive-been-tagged.html

Bee said...

You are like funny and stuff! :o)

The pumpkin was genius!

Mamarazzi said...

i am going to a pumpkin carving contest next week. i am TOTALLY doing that masked comic instead of being dragged kicking and screaming. i am not a big fan of the host...work stuff...not fun. this will make it much easier to get my butt in the car.

yep i am lazy...i put in effort when it counts. it's how i roll.

Blissful Babe said...

O.M.G. Joo is SO the FUNNEEZ!

Your rapier wit just seems to roll write the hell off the screen, fingertips, or some such nonsense.

Hey, Anna? You have a fly away 'stache hair. No..right...there. Yes. Good. You've got it, Chappy!

Swirl Girl said...

#4 had me on the floor!

snooty sales girl with gonnorhea!! HA!

why didn't your bag o'lantern have a stache? wasn't he incognito?

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Was the can of olive juice shaken? not stirred.

Got a close friend who's a longhaul trucker. I'll see if he can hook a sista up.

NeverADullMoment said...

Funny! You sound like my kind of girl! Get where it hurts and they don't feel a thing!

Linda said...

Oh my gosh! Too funny! I wish I didn't know my Annoying Neighbor well enough so I could use #6 on her. Ha ha ha! Too funny!

MammaDucky said...

So I've discovered a way to work out without, you know, working out. Ok, so it's only my abs, but those are important! I'll just read your blog and laugh heartily.

I just watched your standup on YouTube and I too could never find a squaredance partner. Gotta love Texas' Physical Education plan. Way to make kids feel inadequate at a young age!!!

~Hearts

Kimberly said...

Holy cow I would not have expected you to be (old enough?) aware of who the Unknown Comic is.

Loved me some Gong Show!!! Back when I thought I was Buddy on Family.

And whew... I'm outside of the seven.

Lynda said...

Well, the olive incident is a bit disturbing, but the pumpkin is a hoot!

Rhea said...

Congrats on your awards and your first meme! Woohoo!

You're hilarious. Love it.

eve cleveland said...

Anna,
I reckon I will let your piano racism slide seein' as how you was already multi-taskin' while still in the womb. Good work editin' out them wisdom teeth..and you still seem smart enuff to me.
Eve

angiesscos said...

*laughing to the point of having to run to the bathroom

This post was hysterical! Thanks for making it so much fun getting to know you a little better. :^)

"I played glockenspiel in our high school marching band. (Explains a lot, yes?)"

hehehehe A Whole Lot!

Hairline Fracture said...

Hysterical! You've got another permanent reader here.

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

OK...the paper bag over the pumpkin? That's not lazy...that's AWESOME. Why didn't I think of that. TOO FUNNY!

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO! And I'm lovin' that pumpkin! Brilliant!

Theresa Cloyd said...

Anna, you crack me up. You always put a smile on my face when I read your blog. I wish that I had a fraction of your creativity, keep up the great blogging!

Jen said...

ZOMG - olive juice?!? UGH! =)

And I agree - puppy snuggles cancel out just about anything!!

Mer said...

I'm just impressed you can spell glockensch...glockenspee...

You lost me at the seafood but won me back with your Oingo Boingo tee. :D

Loved your post!

Shannon said...

You had me at the fried chicken skin.

Yaya said...

Hahahahahahaha! LOVE IT!
First of all, I don't even know what that instrument is.
And-I am so using that last 'cancel' at my hubby's colleagues annual holiday party...I loathe those things!

Hula's Secret Blog said...

Wow, all those awards! Awesome!!!!

Heather said...

I, too, have the life long dream of driving a rig with a sleeper...and a tv and microwave and a little dog named Fisherman Bob.

T said...

I'm Loving some of the things that cancel out your hates... I think I'll be calling a lot of men "Shrinky" and "Maude" from now on :)

I used to get called Sally Field a lot - and when I was thinking "Gidget" it was okay... I mean c'mon Moondoggie's a hottie right? But now... her recent acting credits are doing nothing for my image!
(Note - I am also MUCH younger than she!!!)

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Anna, can I say it again? You are HILARIOUS!
And speaking of spending an evening with an arrogant, self absorbed person....have you seen that comedian that does a skit on "The Me Monster"?

LarryG said...

So did my mom - she called it Bell Lyre - 1. I played glockenspiel in our high school marching band.

2. My favorite part of fried chicken: the skin. - I would call this normal!

3. In 5th grade, I won a contest writing a song that used only the black piano keys. - It is at least divisive, did you ever apologize? nationally?

4. When I was around 10 years old, I used to eat a whole can of black olives, then pour the juice into a little glass and drink it while pretending to be James Bond.
---Tooo Funny!

5. I was born without wisdom teeth. - you lucky lady you.

6. I detest seafood to the point that I resent aquariums. ?HuH???

7. Secret career aspiration: long-haul trucker with a sleeper cab. - I always thought this would be fun. But who steers while everyone is in the sleeper?? lol

I love the mustachio.

nikkicrumpet said...

YOU are certifiable!!! Probably the biggest LOON NUGGET on the planet...and absolutely the funniest person I know. You never fail to make me go "WHAT...ohhhhh...HAHAHAHA" (Although it sounds really feminine when I do it.) I gotta quit my job...this working thing is putting a crimp in my blog time...look how long it took me to realize I missed this post. I wonder if the government will just give me some bail-out money? Have a superior day!

LarryG said...

now you got me thinking ... did that jackolantern play the trumpet?

Chat Blanc said...

I gotta say, I'm in love with your pumpkin. I may even dress up like him (gawd I hope it's a him) for halloween!

Fifi Flowers said...

I can easily eat a whole can of black olives, but I do not drink the juice... a la James Bond style... LOL
Your mustache does resemble that news guy!
ENJOY your weekend!
Fifi

TattooedMinivanMom said...

I got my moosetache! Thank you! Love it! My kids are trying to take it from me but it's mine! All mine! I even took pictures...

Melodie said...

LOVE your meme responses! You're a hoot!

afiori said...

LOL... simply brilliant reading!!!

Rhea said...

I just need to add, that's so cool you played the glockenspiel in high school. I had to look up what one was though. lol

Poetikat said...

Wow - you really are a freak! Olives at age 10. Wow.
My dad used to drink cabbage water from boiled cabbage and I thought that was weird (not terribly fresh-air inducing either), but o l i v e s????
Of course I was perfectly normal as a child. Perfectly. Until I hit. Oh, who am I kidding?

Kat Premegi