It was Barbie who broke the news to me that, unlike her, I would never have a 4-inch waist coupled with a pneumatic double-D bustline and size-nothing, golden lotus feet. Fine. I'm
So I was flipping through the FAO Schwarz catalog a few days ago and came across this:
It's called "Food Chain Friends."
Really? Is this what we're doing to the children now?
(As an aside, I think they're playing pretty fast and loose with the word "friends" considering they're biting each others' bodies in half. I think a downgrade at least to "Food Chain Frenemies" is in order.)
Yeah, yeah, I know that's how the world works, "dog eat dog" and all that. And I know every creature is known by at least one other creature as, simply, "lunch." (With the exception of humans, who are much too clever to end up as anyone's lun--Hey! What's that hot, musky breath on my neck?)
Since when are toys based on Mother Nature's harsh realities? Don't children absorb enough of life's tough lessons through..um...life?
Here are a few other "reality-preparation" toys I hope not to see on the shelves anytime
"The Hot Flash" Action Figure
Pose "The Hot Flash" in a variety of real-life action positions, including throwing open a window, fanning herself with a restaurant menu and trying to climb into the refrigerator.
Meet Mort: he's in a soul-killing job, he's strapped with alimony payments and he could use more fiber in his diet. Plush figure comes with battery-operated "Action Paunch."
"Taxes: The Musical" - Interactive CD
Giving a big, fat piece of the pie to Uncle Sam has never been so much fun! (Includes extended music video of the smash hit "Hit Me, FICA, One More Time" and six new auditor avatars!)
The Game of Mortality
Draw cards to assemble your family medical history, then spin the dial to calculate your estimated life expectancy. Fun for all ages!
"He Said/She Said" - The High-Stakes Game of Romance
Players take turns racing the clock as they try to decode baffling relationship phrases such as "I was looking at her but I wasn't looking at her", "Is that what you're wearing to the party?" and "I'm fine. No, really, I'm fine."
Big thanks to Wendy at Wenderful and The Rambler at My Rambling Thoughts for including my silly blog acronyms (from a couple of posts ago) in their wonderful blogs! Thank you so much!
And if you missed MuseSwing's Christmas in Bloggyland Tour earlier this week - good news! It's not too late! You can catch the sleigh here.