...And Perhaps A Rottweiler
As we all know, in order to operate a blog, one must have a valid blog license. Or, in England, a blog licence which, now that I look at it, does come across a little more civilized - oops - civilised, yes? [Note to self: pretend to be British until next weekend, preferably someone royal because I could use the jewelry.]
Anyway...what you might not know is that this year the Blog Control Authority had added an interview component to the license-renewal exam. That's right - it's no longer just the usual mail-in scratch-n-sniff test we're all used to (which, let's face it, is a piece of cake for anyone who has even a passing knowledge of rodent pheromones).
Nope, now they are sending a "real person" to conduct personal interviews using a standardized questionnaire. You heard me - someone is going to ring your doorbell/beat on the trashcan lid hanging by your screen door and ask you a set of questions that you must answer in order to remain a licensed blogger with all the rights and privileges therewith.
My two cents: I think they could at least let a person know when they're coming so's not to bust in on a person's private eyebrow-dyeing, toenail-paring, nosehair-plucking, nether-waxing time for quiet contemplation, you know? I mean, if a person were to do such things.
I'm just sayin'.
So, as a public service to my fellow bloggers (seeing as how they've just implemented this new interview policy and I believe I'm one of the first to be processed), I'm going to share with you here the content of the questionnaire so you'll have a chance to bone up on the questions and you won't be caught unawares like I was and have to think on the fly which - let's face it - is never a good thing.
Note: my interviewer's name was Gilbert and, just to draw a mental picture for you, he was 5'4" and wore chocolate brown Sansabelt slacks, a yellowish-green short-sleeve dress shirt and patent-leather shoes. No socks.
Gilbert: How long has your blog been in operation?
Me: About 6 months.
Gilbert: Any nudity?
Me: Not on the blog.
Gilbert: How would you classify your blog?
Me: Well, I guess if I got a real designer to come in and spruce up the banner and put in a professional background it would classify it quite a bit.
Gilbert: [pauses] No, I mean in what category would you place your blog?
[Hint: watch out for that trick question! I bet he'll try that with you, too!]
Me: Humor. And occasional spiritual guidance.
Gilbert: Why do you operate your blog?
Me: Because...um...I can't get anyone else to?
[Hint: That was a toughie. I'd have an answer ready ahead of time for that one.]
Gilbert: If you were to own a vinyl jumpsuit, what color would it be?
Me: What do you mean, "If?"
[Hint: See! Another trick question!]
Gilbert: So you do own a vinyl jumpsuit?
Me: You make it sound like I only have one. Frankly, I resent that.
Gilbert: Let's move on. How would you characterize your readership?
Me: My audience consists of folks of all sexes who revel in sophisticated, high-brow entertainment and who never fail to stick their pinkie out super-far, even when drinking straight from the can.
[Hint: You're welcome.]
Gilbert: I assume you're a member of a bowling league?
Gilbert: Team name?
Me: The Pointy Gladiadettes
Gilbert: What's that smell?
Me: I'm baking a mock apple pie (no apples needed!). It's an old family recipe handed down from Ritz Cracker box to Ritz Cracker box.
Gilbert: Hmmm. Do you mind if I use your restroom?
Me: That depends. What did you have for dinner last night?
Gilbert: I tried that new place on the service road out by the airport, Jed's King of Siam #3.
Me: It's broken.
Nate & Courtney over at Mr. & Mrs. Staley are collecting lapel pins as part of their work for the Special Olympics (what a fantastic cause). If you have any old lapel pins stashed away that you no longer need, please click on over and find out how to donate them for use by this year's athletes.
Thank you to that vixen Vodka Mom for laying the "Effing Fabulous Blog" award and tag on me! A huge compliment indeed, coming from this broad whom I admire greatly.
And thank you to The Retired One for tagging me with the "7 Random Things About Me" meme. My responses can be found here.