Monday, February 9, 2009

If You Believe In Life Getting Weirder...

...Clap Your Hands!

She's a cruel mistress, that FeedBurner. She giveth and she taketh away.


Take last night, for example.

I doze off here with my head on the keyboard and fingers clamped around a Dixie cup of Thunderbird, content in the warm and loving bosom of some 462 email subscribers (delightful individuals who - along with
my lovely Blogger followers - are my very favorite people out there, all of whom have shiny, manageable hair.)

Come morning, I am assaulted by this heinous discovery:



I choke. I gasp. I cough up that orange TicTac I've been looking for these last three days.

What in the name of Justin Timberlake's jockstrap is going on?!?

I wrack my memory. How did this happen? Where did they go? Did I behave in an untoward manner? Did I (God forbid) attempt that Quiet Riot karaoke song again?

Worse yet [spine gets all tingly]...could foul play be afoot?


I Spring Into Action

I am writing from my mobile command center - a highly advanced and heavily armored van conversion - which is hidden parked behind my garage as a favor to my brother while he sorts out some short-term financial irregularities with a local repossession company.


From this high-tech nerve-center (complete with sound-arresting shag carpet and smoke-bubble surveillance windows shaped like mushrooms), I am coordinating a massive effort to find, secure and, if necessary, rescue my dear subscribers from whatever villainous force has taken control of them. If necessary, I will unleash my powers of feng shui, aromatherapy and our school's earthquake phone tree.

In the meantime, though, I guess I should put my robe on and staple some fliers on power poles around the neighborhood.

[sigh]

Say, if you happen to see any of these dear folks, please tell them I haven't given up - I'll find a way to bring th
em home.

Because I sure do miss 'em.


[I'll get you, FeedBurner. And your little dog, too.]


In Other News - Let's Talk Comedy!

I was thrilled when the very funny Jessica Bern of Bernthis.com invited me to be a member of a proposed comedy panel at the upcoming BlogHer 2009 conference this summer in Chicago (along with Wendi Aarons, Mamabird Diaries and Christy the Writer).

Now, I've never been to a BlogHer event, but when Jessica said she was paying all my expenses including a complimentary Shiatsu massage in the hotel spa, well, my immediate answer was, "I'm in!"

(At least, I
think that's what she said. She was on her iPhone and driving by all those big satellite dishes near the studios and things got a little crunchy. Whatev. I'm going.)

However, in order for us to get on the BlogHer agenda and secure a room for our panel, we need to show the organizers that we can generate an audience for our talk.

That's Where You Come In


If you'd be interested in attending our comedy presentation (whether you can actually make it or not), please give us a quick click so we can accumulate enough votes to get on the agenda.

First, click here: DYING IS EASY, COMEDY IS HARD (that's our snappy title)

Then, just click on the link at the top of the page that reads "I would attend this session."
It looks like this:


There's no obligation - you're just voting to put us on the schedule.

Once you click on the link it will read "I would not attend this session." That means your vote has been cast and you're all done! Thank you!

And just to give you a taste of what we've got in store for the presentation, here's our rough outline of topics so far:
  • The care and feeding of rubber chickens
  • Technology update: scratch 'n sniff hardware delayed yet again
  • Who cares what your family thinks? You're damn funny!
  • Go on, blog it. Believe me, if it's illegal, you'll hear about it.
  • What's up with the stupid mustache glasses hat?
  • Okay, dying probably is hard. And hardly ever funny. (Just another reason to some to our presentation.)
THANK YOU SO MUCH for voting for us!!!

Whether we get on the agenda or not, I'll be at BlogHer this July and I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to meeting my bloggy friends in person and I hope to see you there! Let me know if you're going!


Thanks again for the support...


And thank you
to Panda Mime for this sweet package:

58 comments:

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I'd love to attend this session because comedy chicks like to go out afterwards and throw back a few, right?

RachelW said...

Ah Frig. Thank goodness you could see the, er, humour in the situation. The Quiet Riot reference almost had me singing! Thankfully I stopped myself in time...

Jay Amabile said...

gee..I'd really like to hear your karaoke rendition of "Cum on Feel the Noize"...I'm positive it can't be that bad! You may also have to change the name of your blog to "The posts keep getting funnier!" How many times have you heard that one? lol

Chris said...

Seriously? LMAO. Those are your topics? I would totally attend that. And OMG at feedburner eating your subscribers. (I hope it gets indigestion)

K said...

I am so jealous of the mobile command center. I've been resisting the mini van upgrade, but I can see there could be some fringe (or shag) benefits.

I'm voting. I love you both and you'd be great at blogher.

WA said...

Wait--rubber chickens? Is that part of our tribute to Carrot Top? Or part of our Great Moments At Spencer's Gifts improv show?

DiPaola Momma said...

bwaaa haaa haaa haaaaa, I'll confess..I stold your little feedburner buddies.. I'm holding them for ransom in the mother ship (not saying if there is an "probing" involved)... I want 40 million helicopters and a dollar!

As if I could even figure out how to set up feedburner with out the help of both Scottie and Geordi!! Sorry to hear they've been taken. I tried to arrange for an Amber allert but they said your blog only qualified you for puce.. sorry!

I'm off to JOIN blogher so I can vote for you and then ask (rather come up with a great lie to coerce) my hubby into a ticket to Chi-town..won't happen but a girl can dream. Congrats on being asked.

Sassypants Wifey said...

Bummer about the feedburner, damn it all. Congrats on the comedy bit, that is awesome! See I am funny in my head, but I think I just turn into an idiot around other people. What can I say, some peoples children. Good luck!

Bee and Rose said...

Phooey on feedburner..I hope it throws up...

I am on my way to rock the vote...and only cause I have a rubber chicken in distress on my blogpost today...no joke...oh, all right and I guess it's also because I think you are a flippin Class A riot:)

oh...diggin' the bloggy shag van..I mean shaggy blog van..

Grand Pooba said...

Never heard of said conference, but I will definately go give ya'll a vote or two!

blognut said...

I'm coming just to learn how to feed and care for a rubber chicken.

Lee of MWOB said...

Ha ha ha - you will NEVER find me!! I am hiding in the most brilliant hiding place you could ever imagine and I will only come out if ... if .... if....I'll have to get back to you on the "if".

First I will have to attend your comedy panel room thingy at BlogHer so I can learn how to come up with a very funny, very witty, and simply very brilliant "if" that I can write in this little comment box that will have you and all of your other 482 readers going, who is that funny chick? I simply must check her out!

But that will happen much much later...so for now...
I'm just hiding somewhere.

:-)

wenderful said...

We'll be in Chicago part of the summer. I'll check and see if the dates gel. I'd love to find out more about the chickens!

Poetikat said...

Feedburner makes me cry. I took it off my blog because my therapist says I need to avoid those triggers of depression. Now if I could just detach myself from that whole "following" rollercoaster. Nah!

Kat

only a movie said...

Wait, Justin Timberlake wears a jockstrap?

Off to go vote. You are hysterical.

bernthis said...

about every third f-ing day, feedburner tells me that no one has read my blog, nada, not a sole. No wonder they don't have a number you can call, b/c they know how sucky they are and can't take the heat.

Swirl Girl said...

Those darn 'stabbin wagons' mess up things all time. It's all that shag - and I haven't seen anything tackier than my haircut in my summer camp photo from 1976.

thanks for the snort!

Beth Kephart said...

Anna,

No one would ever desert you. No one could. Feedburner is a woman, and Feedburner has PMS. Just give her a few days. She'll be back.

You'll rock in Chicago. In my mind, you're already a rock star.

The Wife O Riley said...

How do you get WIFI in that thing? Or do you just hook it up to the CB?

If you are coming here to Chicago, I am batting down the hatches!!!

I am so at the convention! You'll know me because I will be wearing a mustache and a t-shirt with your picture on it.

But July?? That is not enough time to get this town all spruced up for ya.

bfs ~ "Mimi" said...

I'm here! I'm still reading!

Love your command center!

Hopefully FB will recover soon, and you'll see once again how popular you really are! ;-)

Beth said...

I do wish I could go to Blogher. The beginning of the school year is really the most insane time of the year. Well, one of them. I am actively looking for someone to clone me.

TC said...

Love the van and were you blogging from that locale? (If you could, and have time, please answer my question by leaving it in a comment over at my blog. You get so many replies that when I subscribe, my inbox is inundated with them. And I don't mean to assume that I'm more deserving than anyone else here, or that you'll be any more or less inclined to personally address my question.)

CaraBee said...

I am planning on going to Blogher '09 and this is one session I would love to attend. Cause who doesn't like funnies? Crazy people, that's who. Sadly, I won't be getting any free massages.

Maricris said...

They probably migrated to Florida for winter. They'll be back :)

R Susanna said...

I have clicked!

jennifersusan said...

My cousin actually called me months ago telling me that her family would be invading my home in July and that she and I would be ditching our kids and husbands to spend the weekend in a hotel downtown (because I live in Chicago) to attend the BlogHer convention. I have to say that I hadn't seen anything that caught my eye on their schedule. You have no redeemed the entire weekend! Excellent! My jumpsuit is all set!

the mama bird diaries said...

Feedburner makes me want to kill myself. All your subscribers are still there. It just happens sometimes. Feedburner is so hit or miss. That's why half of my subscribers are now on Feedblitz. Not as user friendly but seems more dependable.

do i get to talk about the rubber chickens?

Brandy said...

I can hardly restrain my bladder from leaking all over me whenever I read your posts. You seriously crack me up.

The Rambler said...

Ugh, can't believe it.

I think feed burner is just on strike. If you don't send them their own mustaches they won't come back. (hey, it was in the Dear. Anna note left stuck to your cheek, next to the skittle.)

Belle said...

I want a mobile command centre like that! I'm prepared to pay...

Braja said...

How do you know how many you have subscribing. I am clueless...please, somebody, help me :)

TC said...

Where is "Then, just click on the link at the top of the page that reads 'I would attend this session.'"? I do not see it here: http://www.blogher.com/dying-easy-comedy-hard
Do I have to join first??

Chase said...

clap.
clap.
clap. clap.
clap. clap. clap.
clap. clap. clap. clap.
clap.clap.clap.
clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.clap.
(Read: well executed slow clap for necessary for the resuscitation of the "Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder" fairy-counter)

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

BURP! I am the almighty Feedburner... give me all your readers or I shall eat them and puke them up on that lovely shag carpet of your... bwaa haa haa.

DI

Hillbilly Duhn said...

Congrats and good luck!

c james. said...

Look out! I think the 70's wants its Mobile Command Center back! Your quips are just too delicious, and keep us wanting more. Stop by my blog and read my latest post "Of Mice and Meth".

Anti-Supermom said...

I'd love to meet you and the gang.

Awesome, one more reason BlogHer will be my 'vacation'.

Barry said...

Whoa, I'm found a gold mine. A great funny rousing blog.

Is it my Birthday or something?

I'm signing up for return visits.

AdviceMaven said...

I have weird things happen with feedburner too. One day they're gone and the next day they're all back, so hopefully yours will magically reappear like mine.

Wish I was going to Blogher. What a great line-up.

Deb said...

Pffft. My Feedburner county thingie always said "0", like a taunt from Oprah herself, so I shot it (the Feedburner thingie, not Oprah). You will not see that sucker mocking me on my own blog ever again.

Beth said...

Rubber chickens? I have a deep love and admiration for rubber chickens. When I was in high school, we used to ride around in cars with a rubber chicken displayed on the front window. It was how we made our statement. It was also one of the reasons we were rejected from THE clique.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Me and Rants are totally in. See you there!

MuseSwings said...

I only just scanned your post cuz I'm only here on and MM and I let everyone know today - about you- that IMHF.

Renee said...

I've been trying to figure this out for 10 minutes, I will come back. I found the page but there is no link saying I would attend the session.

It sounds awesome for you guys.

Love Renee

Renee said...

I still don't think I got it. I signed up for an account and then it sent me an email notice, I went back in and tried to register but it wouldn't do anything. I will try again.

I love Jessica too and you guys would have so much fun. Love Renee

Underfunded Heiress said...

Oh no, I hope you find everyone :)

I love the shag carpet pic!

WheresMyAngels said...

Blogher confuses me. ok so everything confuses me. I'll go click away and see if the trip takes me to the right place.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OMG! How awesome is that that you're on the panel - woo hoo!

Vodka Mom said...

i was thinking of this fabulously witty comment, and then that damn vagina started TALKING to me.

sweet jesus. Keep that thing away from me.

Vodka Mom said...

and why wasn't I invited????????

Always Home and Uncool said...

Feedburner zeroed me, too. Bastards!

The panel sounds great ... sounds it needs a freeloading, vaguely male perspective to it, though.

Just sayin' ...

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Off I go--I SO want to see you guys on that panel!

The Igloo Keeper... said...

I can't make it due to being stuck in an arctic force-field. I send you this meassage though:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wktilzwvvrc

~E said...

Im here! Im here! Still here!

musing said...

Your feed still works fine for me, although, my hair takes flat ironing it to death to manage so what do I know?

BlackenedBoy said...

You are far too cool.

"What in the name of Justin Timberlake's jock strap is going on here!"

HappyHourSue said...

#1, "untoward" is a freakin' awesome word. My mom is always using the word "unseemly" as regards to me.

#2, your command center lair should be on an angle like in the old Batman show.

I am absoluely giddy with excitement about BlogHer.

Red from Ktown said...

I can't believe you're privy to JT's jockstrap....interesting. As far as the love van goes...I want one! Funny stuff.