There's Elvis - Next To That Wiggly Thing!

First and foremost...

THANK YOU for all the lovely, kind and encouraging comments and emails about my mom's recent hospitalization. I can't tell you how much it means to have such support and sweetness pouring in. I've read them to her and she sends her smiles and thanks, too. I'm happy to report that she's doing much better (whew!) and will likely be released from the hospital in the next few days. We are so happy and relieved...thanks again, friends.

It's interesting what you learn about yourself when you're thrown into a scary or foreign situation. I've been at the hospital every day now and this has been one of those learning experiences for me.

Now that Mom is out of the woods, I've had a moment to reflect on these past days and I'd like to share with you some personal lessons and observations that I've gleaned from the experience.

Ultrasound Etiquette

When someone is having an ultrasound of their abdomen and you're watching the results on the monitor, they don't want to hear how you saw something that looked just like the Virgin Mary. Or a stack of pancakes. Or the Eiffel Tower. Or Spongebob Squarepants. (I know! I would totally want to know, too! But not everyone does. Trust me.)

Also, it's considered bad form to point at the monitor and blurt out anything along the lines of, "What the hell is that?"

They should have a sign up in the ultrasound room so people know these things. It's not like the whole place isn't covered with signs anyway.

Fun with CAT Scanners

First of all, these things don't look like cats at all. Very misleading. They look like giant bagels. I think if I worked in a dark room with a giant bagel all day, I'd have more of a sense of humor about it. I'm just sayin'.

Also, this CAT scanner had an automated voice that gave instructions to the patient. Very James Earl Jones/Darth Vader-y. "Luke [pant, pant] it would be inadvisable for you to breathe at this time [pant, pant]. On my command, you many now breathe [pant]."

Believe me, no matter how spot-on your delivery is, or how many times you imitate that voice later back in the room, the world simply is not ready for CAT scan humor.

Now I know.

Hospital Cafeteria = Fraught With Peril

I already knew that I am not at my best in a buffet situation. I mean, I like a certain amount of choice in my life, but enough is enough already with all the stations and variety.

I'm the kind of person who eats eight times more at Souplantation than I normally would just because it's there for the taking. ("A pasta bar?! Get outta town! You're not out of alfredo sauce are you? Woo-Hoo!")

The key here is that I know the drill at Souplantation.

You throw me into a strange cafeteria in a state of high anxiety and I flounder. And flounder I did. I'm not too proud to say that I suffer from Cafeteria Performance Panic Disorder (CPPD) and it came roaring to the surface the one and only time I tried to eat at the hospital.

Where are the trays? Where's the end of the line? Did I remember to bring money down here? I look clueless, don't I? Everyone else knows what they're doing and I'm an idiot. Can I take a plate back to the room? What's the deal with this lettuce? Wait, are they closing? Crap! I'd better grab whatever I can!

Five minutes later I'm back on the elevator and two surgeons keep peering curiously at the tray of food I'm holding. Oh, no, I think, they're gonna call a code purple or whatever and bust me for walking out with one of the cafeteria trays.

Then I look down at my tray and realize that I've selected for my lunch exactly two green olives on top of which I've ladled a gallon of Thousand Island dressing, a hot dog with no bun that is listing port to starboard on the tray as I make room for more elevator passengers, four pats of butter, 18 straws and a fistful of Splenda.

Awesome.


Good vibes needed. You may already have heard that our bloggy friend Braja, her husband and their driver were seriously injured in a horrific car accident last week in India. You can find updates on their condition here. In the meantime, please remember them in your prayers and send healing thoughts their way.


Thank you to Sherri at The Claw (love this blog) for this zesty little number:

And thank you to Gladys over at Gladys Tells All for tagging me up on the 25 Authors Who Influenced My Life meme.

More thanks to VaBookworm at Confessions of a Bookworm for laying this on me:

Big hugs to Janna Bee at Janana Bee for including my urban sport kilt post in her Friday Favorites!

And...thank you to The Retired One at The Retirement Chronicles for this!