Do you ever wish you could get inside the head of the opposite sex (there are still only two, right?) and see first-hand how they think?
They say everyone has a masculine side and a feminine side. Well, after doing some in-depth research
In fact, the technology now exists to isolate our masculine and feminine personas and actually pull them out as separate entities. Naturally, I'm very excited about this, and I'm even more excited to introduce to you my masculine side:
Anna: Welcome, Chet.
Anna: I'm so happy to finally meet you. I have so many questions about men!
Chet: Oh, here we go.
Anna: Is something the matter?
Chet: This is what you always do, isn't it? Talk and share, talk and share. If you don't mind my saying so, it's a tad stifling.
Anna: Wait, what?
Chet: Maybe I just want to exist, all right? Maybe I don't want to be "sharing" every moment of the day.
Anna: Did you just air quote me?
Chet: And here comes the feigned outrage. Man, you are so predictable. [shakes head]
Anna: Did Jon Bon Jovi put you up to this?
Chet: Oh, please. Don't drag that poor guy into this. You think it's easy for him? He's not really losing his hearing, you know. He's just sick of you trying out material on him all the time. That's why he pretends all he can hear is the neighbor's dachshund.
Anna: And you can just sense this, can you?
Chet: [examines his nails] A man knows.
Anna: Chet, you're supposed to be on my side. You're an aspect of me, remember?
Chet: You know, your possessive tendencies are more than a little unattractive. Don't even get Jon Bon Jovi started on that. [snorts]
Anna: Are you kidding me? I'm not taking this crap from someone wearing George Michael's old earrings.
Chet: Stop smothering! [gasps, clutches chest] I need some "me" time!
Anna: Is that a mullet?
Chet: I think you're forgetting that I've seen you try on swimsuits in fluorescent-lit dressing rooms.
Anna: [gasps, whispers] We do not speak of that. [sniffles]
Chet: Oh, great. [throws up hands] Here come the waterworks!
Please vote to put me and four very talented humor-blogging colleagues on the agenda for BlogHer 2009! Our panel is titled DYING IS EASY, COMEDY IS HARD and you can go to our voting page by clicking here:
Then, after you've registered with the BlogHer site, just click on the link at the top of the page that reads "I would attend this session." It looks like this:
There's no obligation - you're just voting to put us on the schedule.
Polls close May 1 and every vote makes a huge difference! Thanks SO MUCH for your support! (And thanks to everyone who's already voted!)
Thank you to Tessa at An Aerial Armadillo for the Renee Award. I am truly honored.
Two new blog friends just added to my blogroll: Tim at The Blue Frog Says... and Sarah at Notes from the Toilet Bowl. Thank you for the generous shout-outs!
Thank you to Wendy at On The Front Porch for the Zombie Chicken Award! (That slapping sound is my waddle flopping in appreciation...)
And, lastly, thank you to everyone who passed my mammogram post (below) along to friends or linked to it or shared it on Facebook. I can't tell you how much that means to me.