I have a Hotmail email account that I use for certain aspects of my life (online betting, fake Craigslist personals, you know - the usual). Not long ago, Hotmail went through a big "upgrade" (I think anyone who's experienced a service upgrade will understand the quotes around that word), resulting in a wider and more luxurious selection of emoticons.
Now, I'm not a big emoticon user (no, I'm not), so I just recently got around to taking a closer look at the new selection now available. I can sum up my findings in two words:
Maybe I don't understand the purpose of these little symbols after all. I mean, I get the smiley faces - even the ones wearing party hats and/or sunglasses. But a sheep?!? Why do we need a sheep emoticon? Do I even want to know the answer to this question?
(My friend Beth says sheep are creative thinkers with their own ideas about landscape design. I don't think this one is a design sheep, though - he's not wearing retro-hip clothes or unusual glasses. I think this is a regular sheep.)
I had to be missing something. Hotmail is part of Microsoft, after all. I mean, if Bill Gates says I need a sheep emoticon, then clearly I need one...I'm just not sure why.
Think, Anna, I told myself. Think.
[Full disclosure: at this point I went and made myself a snack and, no, it was not a healthy one - in fact, its place in the nutrition pyramid was dubious at best.]
And then it came to me. I had been looking at the emoticons from a superficial point of view - that was my mistake. I needed instead to get inside the sheep, to become one with the sheep, to understand the deeper, implied message of the sheep.
Okay, it sounds kind of stupid when I write it out like that, but, believe me, I kind of had a thing there - a moment of spectacular clarity - with the little symbols.
Anyway...allow me to share with you my interpretation of the deeper meaning of some of these petite pictorial punctuators and I bet you'll soon be scattering them throughout your electronic correspondence with gusto.
I know I will.
I feel really bah-ah-ahdly about how things ended the other night. (If you've got a decent JFK impression, now's the time to whip it out.)
It's days like this that make me pine for the attentions of a licensed healthcare provider.
Or a landscaper/fry cook.
Hey! There's a RuPaul special on TV tonight!
I disagree with my psychiatrist. I think there are some real advantages to having multiple personalities.
Can I list my appearance on my friend's nannycam on my acting resume? I mean, I really nailed it.
I am sick to hell of flying coach.
OMG, you are so naive.
Note to self: get Botox.
Don't forget: clog-dancing lesson this Tuesday!
I've also come up with some emoticons that, as far as I know, do not yet exist, but which I think you'll agree definitely should, including:
- jar of Vaseline
- cocktail weenie
- pantyliner (regular for PC, thong for Mac)
- tire track
- Cool Ranch Dorito
- minuteman missile
- banana slug
...to Pseudonymous High School Teacher for linking to my Mad Libs Christmas letter!
...to Lizzie at Infectious Chatter for the cool Proximidade Award!
...and to Pooba for this: