Thursday, January 15, 2009

10-S-N-E-1?

What's All The Racket?

As some of you know, I became afflicted with a mysterious case of tennis elbow a couple of months ago. I had
my theory as to how I got it, but that's another story.

The update: I still have tennis elbow but now I know why:

Santa brought us a Wii for Christmas.


I Become Obsessed.

Yes, I'm the parent who sent a child to bed early just so I can have a turn on the Wii. I'm not proud of it, but I'm pretty sure I get honesty points for 'fessing up to it, no? (Anybody?)

[crickets]

Anyway...

At first I was all over the place. Bowling. Pinball. Golf. (That lasted one round - YAWN!)

Then I found Wii tennis.

YES.


This Can't Be Good For The Marriage.

Jon Bon Jovi and I start playing regularly. Let me point out that Jon Bon Jovi is perhaps the MOST competitive person in the continental United States, and I run a close second in that category. (Yes, we even compete about who is the most competitive.)

It starts out friendly enough. He's played more tennis in the real world (as opposed to the, um, "fake" world in my brain) than I have, so he crushes me relentlessly at Wii.

Fine.


I Have A Brainstorm.


So here's what I do: I practice by myself when Jon Bon Jovi's not around. When I get really good I plan to casually challenge him to another game and ambush him with my stealth tennis skillz!

Look who's hanging out in the Wii fake tennis clubhouse, ready to play a few practice matches with me:

Victoria Beckham
This is kind of heartbreaking because the poor thing can barely lift the racket with her little dental floss arms. I lose patience when the whining starts. "I've got bronzer in my eye." "I fell off my stilettos." "The paparazzi are in my way." Give it a rest, sister.

Lesson learned: I'm ready to move up from the wannabe league.
________________

Prince
Okay, this fella could teach Posh a thing or two about playing sports in high heels. Very impressive. Uses sequin-encrusted clothing to great effect by directing thousands of pins of purple light into my eyes during crucial match point struggles. Terrifying "Owww-WAH!" falsetto battle cry.

Lesson learned: Fierce hair, fierce back hand.
________________

Mahatma Gandhi

Wow, I do not see this coming. I totally fall for it when he lies down on the baseline in non-violent protest after losing the first game. The moment I drop my guard, he leaps up and drills one past me, then hops up and down and shouts "In yo' FACE!" so loudly you can hear it out in the parking lot.

Lesson learned: You never really know someone 'till you play tennis against them.
________________

Nicole Kidman
I find her panoramic forehead disconcerting in its ability to exert a planetary pull on my serve. Awkward moment when she puts Keith Urban on a time-out and makes him sit on a plastic chair in the corner of the court.

Lesson learned: I'm scared.
________________

Chewbacca

Two words: Killer serve.

Lesson learned: When your opponent is nine feet tall, it's okay to fake an injury.
________________

Jerry Seinfeld

Uses strategic sarcasm to get in my head. After every time he shouts "Out!" he holds up his hands and says, "Not that there's anything wrong with that..." I retaliate by sneezing on his water bottle spout.

Lesson learned: I must bone up on my mental game before facing Jon Bon Jovi again.
________________

And the lesson I've learned most recently:
Think it's impossible to play butt-kicking tennis in sandals?

Think again.

(P.S. I found the awesome Mii characters here. Lord knows I couldn't make those things myself! The website includes the instructions...)


I was both shaken and stirred
when Vodka Mom over at I Need A Martini Mom posted a huge shout-out directing her readers to my PMS meme post. If you haven't visited her blog, you're missing out - she is one of the very best around. Thank you so much, VM.

Thanks also
to the delightful Nikkicrumpet and her furry friends at Blah, Blah, Blah, blog for linking to the PMS post. Nikki never fails to crack me up - I love her sense of humor!

And thank you to the charming Adlibby over at Adlibby on the Loose for this gorgeous item:

84 comments:

Real Live Lesbian said...

Poor Keith Urban....

I wanna hold him close to my breast and comfort him, while you and Nicole have a rematch.

I'm kind like that.

Tara said...

Hey there, just stumbled here from, oh goodness knows where I've been scanning around for 2 hours now!

Anyway, Wii tennis. OMG. You are so not alone.
I practise in the evenings when the kids have gone to bed so I can beat my SIX YEAR OLD SON!
I know, he shame of it.

And the saddest thing? I STILL haven't beaten him.

LarryG said...

hmmmm maybe you should switch to Rock Band... :)
all that dancing would move that tennis thingy around a lot!

this was wonderful as perusual!

Tara said...

Tsk, I meant THE shame of it.
I obviously need to stretch my fingers a bit. Maybe on the Wiiii . . .

mielikki said...

we are soon to purchase a Wii.

I find myself at this point both scared, and yet, kind of excited about the possibility of playing Bon Jovi at tennis.

Maybe we can play doubles with Ritchie Sambora....

MommyTime said...

I do not have a Wii anything, but I sincerely hope that these are real avatars on it because they are awesome. If I did have a Wii anything, I, of course, would try to do something stupid like rock climb against Chewbaca or get into a Stiletto-Walk-Off with Vicky B, just because I'm all "Take that avatar! I'm a better person than you!" Your addiction sounds much more sane.

Ann's Rants said...

Ghandi & in yo face...(shaking my head in loving adoration of the bloggingness that is Anna Lefler)

Can't get enough of your skillz FO SHO.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

When my husbands looks to be kicking my butt at Wii Tennis, I tell him he won't be getting laid.

I win every time.

Also? I kick my kids off the Wii and make them cry just so I can use it.

Diane said...

youre not really gonna try to kick jesus' ass at wii tennis are you??!! lol
very funny post!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

Oh, I wouldn't feel too badly about sending kids off to bed to get your turn...I hang my head in shame at this too. Guitar Hero is the number one game around here, and I suck. I'm always loosing to my eldest. Though while he's off at school, I'm rockin and you betchya one of these days, I'm going to play his fingers off. (On Easy!!)

The Rambler said...

You make me want a WII so bad.....damn you.

:)

Janna said...

We do the same thing at our house with putting the children early. Thank god they can't tell time yet!

Renee said...

Okay, honest to God, this was the funniest ever. And you do funny so there is a lot of competition, but for me it was brilliant.

When I saw Gandi I burst out laughing (good thing I wasn't drinking tea).

Every single character was hillarious. When I got to Jesus i almost lost it.

Love it.

Love Renee

Fragrant Liar said...

I've been trying to get my family to let me play with the Wii, but they keep insisting I get to the back of the line. I'd play it after they go to sleep, except that they sleep in their own house and take the damn Wii with them. I blogged about my dilemma on my blog too. Oh, Wii is Me...

KJ

Grand Pooba said...

Ahahahaha! I never would have thought to make up characters on the wii! That is hilarious! I love the Jerry Seinfield!

I too am addicted to the wii but I haven't been able to play it for 3 days because of my tennis elbow!

MammaDucky said...

Here's me rationalizing the Wii: it's OK to put the kids to bed early to play with the Wii so long as I do a little Wii Fit while I'm at it. You know, that's like working out, so I HAVE to do it. To be healthy and all. The Wii sports are just extra workouts, see. The Guitar Hero III sessions are just tension release. Nintendo Wii, the new Jared.

Michelle said...

LOL! For me the most fun thing about the Wii are making the people.

Never thought to make celeb wii's. Now I know what I am doing as soon as I'm done with blogging.

I have a bad cold so I have an excuse.

sandi said...

Listen I let my kids play with Jesus on the Wii all the time. I do NOT however let them play with in the boxing ring. It totally freaks me out when I walk in the room and see them beating the shit out of our Lord and Savior!

Love your blog, I found it yesterday on VM. I was very happy she sent me here. And Nikki Crumpet? That woman keeps me laughing too!

Laura said...

Tennis Elbow - I have that too. Got it last week after 3 nights of constant playing. I also broke a light fitting but that's another story, it is now held togehter with a hair clip!

K said...

The hubby and I are addicted to playing Justice League: hero on playstation 2.

You actually play together and fight bad guys at the same time, but somehow it still gets ugly.

kwkorpi said...

I'm the same way with Guitar Hero. I actually get upset when my 8-year-old son beats me the Hard level. I mean, I practice WAY more than HE does.

I know I could beat him at Atari PacMan . . . maybe.

You and your husband should try the game. It's as addicting as Wii Tennis, and the two of you can actually play through the game in career band mode, so it's like you're on the SAME TEAM . . . .

That is until the end of the song and you see who hit more notes.

Rock on!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Wait until you guys discover the marital benefit of Wii boxing.

Nothing like kicking some hubby ass to make my day. Boyyyah!

(your Miis are awesome, and scary at the same time.)

Cheeky Greek said...

Wow, it is so nice to find someone as obsessed with Wii tennis as I am. Well, I do not have access to a Wii at the moment, but when I do, POW! I'll be back with my power serves, that I still can't figure out how I do. I am not good at video games, or real life anything athletic, but Wii tennis makes me feel somewhat competant!

Always Home and Uncool said...

Jesus foot faults when no one's looking.

Bar-b said...

funniest shit I've read in a while sister.

please tell me I can curse on here. I hate writing s***...it just ain't the same.

Kimberly said...

Oh, you are feeling the same pain of the Wii that we are. Don't get 'Call of Duty' if you ever want to interact with Jon Bon Jovi again.

But if you do, be sure to get the zapper tool thingy, I'm just sayin.

Also, kid has been getting more sleepovers A.O.P.H. (at other people's houses) which may or may not be a ploy for us to molest her new Wii.

KiKi said...

Oh. My. God. Bought my 6 yr old a Wii for Christmas, too -- and have also become obsessed and practice secretly...me -- I'm obsessed with Star Wars Legos. Kill. Me. :-P

KiKi said...

Oh. My. God. Bought my 6 yr old a Wii for Christmas, too -- and have also become obsessed and practice secretly...me -- I'm obsessed with Star Wars Legos. Kill. Me. :-P

only a movie said...

Dental floss arms... hahahah. Hope your elbow feels better, Anna.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

As a Wii aficionado (yeah, I said it.) I want to know if you created those Mii's or found them. We have way too much fun in our house making fake Miis to hang around at the bowling alley with us, but I've never thought to make ones of celebs. I hang my head in shame.

You never fail to make me giggle. And, since I gave up tennis for Guitar Hero, I have carpal tunnel twinges. Sigh, what we won't do for entertainment.

trogblog said...

That was an unbelievable analysis of wii tennis. You should write for a gaming magazine.

Chase said...

You need to glean from the strengths of all of your opponents.

That's right. Wear sandals.

And then give Jon Bon Jovi the shocker he'd never expect.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you're going to win this match, there's only one thing to do...

Falsetto Battle Cry.

Don't act like you don't know it's the truth.

The Wife O Riley said...

Watch out for the Olson Twin Miis, they're just trouble. One will try to distract you with inexpensive clothes for Tweens while the other one slams you with their serve.

Take it from me, get Monopoly for Wii. So far, it's the only one I can play well from a lying down position. I'm kind of good at horizonal bowling too, but mostly just lazy.

HumorSmith said...

Uh huh. That JC guy serves a mean ball. And his backhand? Hooyah! It's not too bad during normal play, but when he decides to go righteous on your ass, all bets are off.

Vodka Mom said...

my pleasure. you rock. Now, can i PLEASE get a free wii and wii fit from someone?? jesus

dizzblnd said...

congrats on the award! Vodka mom is the BEST she kills me!


Be careful when playing you Wii.. you don't want to end up like this guy on slydesblog http://www.slydesblog.com/2009/01/wii-fail.html

The Self-Deprechaun said...

These are awesome! I love that you played Prince or the Artist or the Artist formerly known as or that symbol, I wonder if his blouse and heels matched yours. Jesus loves the WII! It's in Genesis somewhere. Hope your elbow feels better.

Lacey said...

This was totally awesome! Man, I really want a Wii... sans the tennis elbow...

Shonda Little said...

Yeah, I've always heard Prince was a real ninja in Jimmy Choos.

Caroline George said...

I too, am very competitive.
So was my ex-boyfriend.

When he and I engaged in a rousing game of Wii tennis, (and the game got intense), we shouted things like this:

"BRING IT, B****"
"STOP BEING SUCH A P**** AND SWING THE RACKET...JESUS!"

(Perhaps this is why we broke up?)

When you're playing, remember the great lyrics to "Jump Around," : I'LL SERVE YOUR ASS, LIKE JOHN MCENROE!!!"

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

The next time you have to play Seinfeld, just ask him very deviously if he's the master of his domain. He won't be able to concentrate the rest of the game.

LEon said...

Wii is sure fun. No one play Wii Mario cart? :P

Joanna said...

Those are funny! I feel your pain on the Wii. I'll confess right along with you.

nikkicrumpet said...

Oh now I'm totally pissed I settled for an XBOX360 for Christmas this year...they were out of Wii's and I just couldn't wait to play guitar hero....if I'd only known the plethora of partners that awaited my on the court. I just know I could kick Seinfeld's whining behind! And I'll be more than happy to keep Keith occupied in that plastic chair. You're sure on a roll lately...you've been eating your Wheaties or something....because your last several posts are setting the bar pretty damn high!!!!

Nicole said...

Hilarious! thank goodness we dont own a wii cuz my kids would be soo pissed at me.

nikkicrumpet said...

Oh and thanks for the linky love for my linky love ...I wonder if linky loving your linky love is taking it too far hehe.

bfs ~ "Mimi" said...

Read about Wii somewhere else! Sounds addictive and entertaining! Of course, educational, too! Ha!

La Belette Rouge said...

If I can play Wi-tenis with Rodger Federer I would be willing to get Tennis elbow or worse.

wenderful said...

Oh Anna. You kill me every time!

TC said...

I don't Wii. But I do wee wee.

(Hope the tennis elbow clears up.)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I am still corrupted by Guitar Hero.

rightonmom said...

Oh no, not the tennis elbow. Just thank your lucky stars it's not frozen shoulder!
I'm totally living out my broken dreams of being in a band by playing guitar on guitar hero.
It may be freaking out the kids a little.

Belle said...

I'm off to check out the tennis.Assoon as I can get my sorry arse off the bowling alley!

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

What a loser our household is... no wii here. *yawns.... No tennis elbow, but I have keyboard knuckles from blogging too much...

DI
The Blue Ridge Gal

doug said...

"I find her panoramic forehead disconcerting in its ability to exert a planetary pull on my serve. "

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You did it again [wipes a tear] So did you succeed in licking Jon Bonjovi?

How's the year going so far Anna?

Aubrey said...

You are da bomb girlfriend! Ah man, I gotta go so I can catch my breath. My side is killing me!

Beth Kephart said...

I think you're overselling your whole "I'm so competitive" thing. You are actually one of the nicest people I know and you can't be THAT nice and THAT competitive, too.

Oh yeah? You wanna fight about it?

Pyzahn said...

When you are finished whupping Jon Bon Jovi, can I have him?

I've been stumbling around on blogs all day and now feel relatively qualified to say, yours is a hoot. I see all these award icons. Maybe I should invent the Hoot Award.

Seriously, I'm soooo new at this cyberspace thing. You blog inspires me to be more adventurous and techno friendly. I only just discovered gadgets.

Please visit me and leave feedback.

prattlefromtheflatlands.blogspot.com

burntmaze.com said...

Wii tennis rules! I had to start playing left handed as I knackered my right arm playing it. I will be Federer, I will be Federer.
Tom

Star Forbis said...

Thank you so much for visiting my Blog and Laughing with me. Come back any time.

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Dude. You rocketh. My Wii-Mii's are so stinking boring compared to these gems!

ZenMom said...

I suggest a new strategy, let the Wookie win.

Seriously, I am LMAO over here - as usual.

Santa brought us a Wii for xmas, too. And my 4 year-old is totally kicking butt at bowling.

I'm going to have to sneak in a little practice time ... maybe with Seinfeld. That could be fun. :)

Sydney said...

Oh you are so dead on accurate about them all -- and truly, I fell off my chair. You are that funny, lady.

MuseSwings said...

I think I've figured out your tennis elbow - it's from clutching the Wii control all night under your pillow.

Reddirt Woman said...

If you didn't get tennis elbow from tennis, you'll soon get it playing WII. My niece and her hubs clear out the whole living room before they play. You want to talk competitive!!!

Great post!

Helen

MuseSwings said...

Anna - I checked out the Wii site and found a special character just for you - I put it in my margin. Stop by!

Marinka said...

So did you beat Jon Bon Jovi? Also, did you win your tennis match against him?

American in Norway said...

OMG..that is sooo funny. I am addicted too...I am loving my wii... & those Mii's? Too funny!

Reluctant Housewife said...

Great post!

So glad I found your blog.

Diver Daisy said...

Wii sure can hurt ya! I really felt like I had truly been boxing after spending an hour doing it. Those guys were really jabbing and nailing my arm muscles!

This is a tag - don't know how I got it but I am passing it on :) The "rules" are to post 6 random things about yourself and pass on the tag to six people. Nothing like making the world smaller!

The Rambler said...

I can't remember if I told you I left something for you at my blog...cause I'm so lame like that :) the not remembering part :)

The Storialist said...

Oh my goodness...HILARIOUS!!

Wii tennis is addictive, I've heard. I'm glad Prince fared quite well. The comment about Posh's dental floss arms is awesome and apt (oh-so-attractive).

Rhea said...

Those are the most amazing Miis I've ever seen. lol Hilarious post.

Congrats on your butterfly award!

ella said...

I was just gonna say, don't even think about Rockband. You'll have to quit your job.

Blicky Kitty said...

Hehehe I love the Nicole Kidman one. Although the one on Muse Swings does look a little like you! :)

blueviolet said...

I can't get out of the bowling alley long enough to make it over to the courts. But if tennis elbow is what awaits me...I'm staying put.

lisa said...

Found you through Ann's Rants. You're amazing. I have to add myself to your long list admirers.

Great Job!

Emsxiety said...

You sent the child to bed early to sacrifice yourself and your elbow to tennis elbow to save the child. Ahh the sacrifices we make as parents!! (That work for you? lol)

The Blonde Duck said...

I love how you compared tennis to Star Wars....

jennifersusan said...

I'm the kinda mom who sends her kids to bed early so she gets a turn on her own computer, so sending them to bed for a chance on the WII only makes sense.

Fifi Flowers said...

Great Wii characters! Those are a crack up... I hate wii because it sizes you up... I've never gotten on it again! LOL

little miss lizzy said...

Really liking your sriting style. Added you to my faves and I have stumbled it too. Thanks for the entertainment!

Dani said...

i friggin love wii anything! except i leanred that you can sit on the couch and just flick your wrist and get the same result you did when you flew across the room and knocked over a couple lamps and a wine bottle. =( but then i read an article about being a fatty and felt better.
hilarious. i guess whales are diseased too....and I'm allergic to anything that isnt deep fried. But if you are a little chunky..this article all about fat animals would probably make you feel better:
http://seafoodpunch.com/2009/01/fat-animals-bulbous-cuteness/
haha. anyway, cool blog. i cant wait to get one of those WII fit things so i can sit on those and wiggle around pretending to be sledding or whatever the hell games go with it.

LarryG said...

maybe you could give "door/comment prizes" to get some folks to start commenting on your blog...
Apparently Wii really love it!
some of us even commented more than once :)