It's painful to acknowledge, but I guess I have to accept that every school - even our own - has gang problems.
I speak, of course, of the mommy gangs.
From their souped-up, chopped-off strollers that block the school driveway during drop-off and pick-up times to their disturbing practice of intimidating rival gang contestants at the Halloween Carnival Spooky Cake Bake-Off, mommy gangs are becoming an increasingly troubling presence on campuses across the country.
And, as many of you know, with gangs come the chilling symbols of their activities: gang signs. Mommy gangs are no exception.
In an effort to curb this disturbing trend, our beloved school principal Mrs. O'Leisenringenhamburg just sent a memo home to all parents warning us of the presence of these roving bands of outlaw mommies, along with a guide to the specific signs that are in use in our particular neighborhood of Santa Monica.
I include them here as a public service:
I sure hope that's organic cotton.
I'll have to check my nanny's schedule.
PTA event-planning committee meeting.
I'm judging you for not driving a hybrid.
Yoga was packed this morning. Doesn't anybody work in this town?
Gotta run, on my way to a bikini wax.
Will there be valet parking?
That weekend is shot - relatives in town.
Where's the nearest Peet's?
Multiple meanings: I'll be laying low after getting my eyes done. OR
C'mon, she TOTALLY got her eyes done!
I'll be coming alone - hubs just got new hair plugs.
Incoming trophy wife.
