I have a Hotmail email account that I use for certain aspects of my life (online betting, fake Craigslist personals, you know - the usual). Not long ago, Hotmail went through a big "upgrade" (I think anyone who's experienced a service upgrade will understand the quotes around that word), resulting in a wider and more luxurious selection of emoticons.
Now, I'm not a big emoticon user (no, I'm not), so I just recently got around to taking a closer look at the new selection now available. I can sum up my findings in two words:
"What the?"
Maybe I don't understand the purpose of these little symbols after all. I mean, I get the smiley faces - even the ones wearing party hats and/or sunglasses. But a sheep?!? Why do we need a sheep emoticon? Do I even want to know the answer to this question?
(My friend Beth says sheep are creative thinkers with their own ideas about landscape design. I don't think this one is a design sheep, though - he's not wearing retro-hip clothes or unusual glasses. I think this is a regular sheep.)
I had to be missing something. Hotmail is part of Microsoft, after all. I mean, if Bill Gates says I need a sheep emoticon, then clearly I need one...I'm just not sure why.
Think, Anna, I told myself. Think.
[Full disclosure: at this point I went and made myself a snack and, no, it was not a healthy one - in fact, its place in the nutrition pyramid was dubious at best.]
And then it came to me. I had been looking at the emoticons from a superficial point of view - that was my mistake. I needed instead to get inside the sheep, to become one with the sheep, to understand the deeper, implied message of the sheep.
Okay, it sounds kind of stupid when I write it out like that, but, believe me, I kind of had a thing there - a moment of spectacular clarity - with the little symbols.
Whatever.
Anyway...allow me to share with you my interpretation of the deeper meaning of some of these petite pictorial punctuators and I bet you'll soon be scattering them throughout your electronic correspondence with gusto.
I know I will.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRIhouoI6zUHxc9gfqQF9CUbij9IMjcfIjaIJt0tX4viXi4eUC1XX0F5jBS5zgWd1dbXaV1DqmlQVrFxF2755EmuGPUfOQCcyYmDEJ09jUCxPdOSdtMKipgen7GhrfdQ4RGLV9yZcNg0yB/s200/emoticon+sheep.jpg)
I feel really bah-ah-ahdly about how things ended the other night. (If you've got a decent JFK impression, now's the time to whip it out.)
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEovoR-JW9ni9qnB0rqMe9bnCQDBF4pLd6IU0tD3dpj8wI0uFErG0F3xRgWn8M-obk7S4x4gaUFuBB4RFFjyHuYdj6sYtBSocHSPoTy0jdrKQygL39x2VB0GOtAHWYwRdMc_oOleDpMyO0/s200/emoticon+nurse.jpg)
It's days like this that make me pine for the attentions of a licensed healthcare provider.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzrl_oI0MtrjDCsSCx9uRyvWsNMTItDl-PICqdFWpO35d1d9VZgFQQUtQTuIUPNYNILmBtKVHT7XwC1-4sb-v6FUy01dlGvT8RR9L_MWbJHZmQGGJRTqXqs2Oe6G46op9yc_xy1QofBCiZ/s200/emoticon+landscaper.jpg)
Or a landscaper/fry cook.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhex6uPV-FYRczOmxvR7-JVoHKQNhoaDgxKr5jymjUSAtCivwvPa9vmRYbf38SmreyqQ4GCtJPiXbawZKF-rRKfq9-m_Bn_SZAYeUNfEFjZsiq1_rRnBccegM7oNvRs3KKyAu0LE_ojiUtz/s200/emoticon+lips.jpg)
Hey! There's a RuPaul special on TV tonight!
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiul3t27NSSDXpSi17r6FnwBYk66ESdPXUTLERCxzkMdtdm_Ik_0PmSc3J2XQ6J4ju6FNZj3CZUwQK2rKuzlNoGr44R952w_7bqJpzxqlXHbq2f9eD7kLNj_diGha4DPaxfNnBv9DxPCaV8/s200/emoticon+schizo.jpg)
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikdfVBRyle09e-_uc3BipP2QjLw8bmifxK_cCdIUKt8tvzH0B7kKfjtmQxonp_kFDTMhfJurAhGKtzg2MlVE043J_qiSmhexZJcBPdGO_BbjHSKRcnlqX15Ll0sUAIAt61NOgK-LwEYIGH/s200/emoticon+camera.jpg)
Can I list my appearance on my friend's nannycam on my acting resume? I mean, I really nailed it.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBCU2JZ_6Nl8EDNdQhqxsL2Ek5Q6AYnHfsMvXShffW3VxIZe0g6gMtKRybA5Nt3rhNVFi_kDTg60eK-QQ4hUxnwm6QfDaHcjT5dw287FzaCY2PddU24erRxQUmx1Ybp4vMXZevEnxvjnvX/s200/emoticon+airplane.jpg)
I am sick to hell of flying coach.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyr7Ge4PyZiXz3aP1FNYBD5KdxaxMUtg0QJMrDDbwtBZtDq6mejldQerJ9GOXFq2AOSEZecw4cAnFgNOPliCExO1_C4TjOO8g2xf9vO9m2bJ4wcNq-BQ3YC9Xjm0T0nr6RYw8tg4ypfMM7/s200/emoticon+rainbow.jpg)
OMG, you are so naive.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_hXuwiXWDdHQ2lwUcSi0GDgjy4WqHiAHf0cKs6wTE8CV_ZzxwH7Vn77PNJe_T08UpFGbtR-nb684zX8Y3zQC3nM-rybB6r-JJ1-g2IglFPAtJLR4bqK2qISuitprC3pJiL6MrgMGA5FM/s200/emoticon+clock.jpg)
Note to self: get Botox.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf48c_4k9y61rl-pAK19i7qM-ql1cceoWTXIeN17Kc9zqoBm8C4GF1-Fy16NUAS5Y2IKRU81xpEj7DZZBKd0yWaAjr1wNGxc31_pY6yGtLjcBBs4sqPI__qrwOA3l9uxI1kLihxrL6Z20C/s200/emoticon+clogs.jpg)
Don't forget: clog-dancing lesson this Tuesday!
I've also come up with some emoticons that, as far as I know, do not yet exist, but which I think you'll agree definitely should, including:
- jar of Vaseline
- cocktail weenie
- pantyliner (regular for PC, thong for Mac)
- tire track
- Cool Ranch Dorito
- minuteman missile
- banana slug
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg05omSvdw3_grlTZ-oSGJ94foKgYgkEoWsdJHA2Tt2Y04CeHksk1F_UcT3pXpucFgSQl6lBCzn75Qi7mugZLMeLYO9L3Fg8Copcpvw8xsoQ3Fa5OTIyhJcotlE4UxbFRZEd6wA9i52YByQ/s320/snail+trail.jpg)
...to Pseudonymous High School Teacher for linking to my Mad Libs Christmas letter!
...to Lizzie at Infectious Chatter for the cool Proximidade Award!
...and to Pooba for this:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQRQYeYxVMqd1SR1vBHlcbJuIlSAl_b48on9dktn3-HwcYy9huVaBYlSQG3VT8j8R2IxerB5KHW-2jtlZOmcJr2FjA6vmQpL-z9xNr9EHE0QkUYYi0q64L0mmI0OleSiKeuOdu2nPFSSHw/s200/award+-+friends.jpg)