Excuse Me, I Speak Blog

Yes, That's an "Airplane" Reference
So, anyway, I was thinking about how much information I've absorbed in the six months or so that I've been workin' my corner here in the blogosphere. Anyone who blogs knows there's a bit of a learning curve when you first start - the sure was for me, anyway.

I've relished in my small (okay, microscopic) triumphs as I've felt my way along, figuring out little things about posts and layouts. I think it's kind of tough for non-bloggers to relate, though.

For instance, the other day I scampered into the kitchen, fresh from my desktop, to tell Jon Bon Jovi (not my husband's real name) something I'd just figured out on the ol' blog.

"OK, so the Blogger template wasn't giving me the option I wanted, so I went into the HTML and found the notation for the main background and then I inserted a new hex code and totally changed the color to the one I wanted!"

Poor Jon Bon Jovi. It's just not fair to do that to a husband. I could practically see the thoughts going through his mind as he stood there, frozen, coffee mug in hand:

OK, I know something good just happened and I want to be supportive, but I have no flippin' idea what she's talking about.

Wait, am I supposed to know what she's talking about?

Oh crap, have we (God forbid) talked about this before and I've forgotten about it? Be cool! Play it off...

Now, hold on, she's usually only this excited when she buys something expensive. What the hell has she bought now?

It's an understandable reaction, after all. If someone had started yammering to me about HTML seven months ago, I'd have advised them to seek counseling.

One aspect of the blog world that fascinates me is the array of acronyms, like ROFL, IMHO, LMAO, etc. I still have to stop and decode them each time (duh!), but I find them very entertaining.

And so, in an effort to do my part to contribute to the lexicon of this new world of which I am so fond, I offer a few blog-specific acronyms of my own:

TBBGIIMC - This Better Be Good - I'm Ignoring My Children

ISSBFMFTC - I Smell Smoke But First Must Finish This Comment

BE - Banner Envy

PWCEBB - Proceed With Caution: Extremely Bitter Blogger

JHTMF - Just Here To Mooch Followers

SICS - Seizure-Inducing Color Scheme

ECIZ - Extreme Crafts Intimidation Zone

UMO - Unwarranted Music Onslaught

CPA - Comment Performance Anxiety

INTGTTBFFHN - I've Needed To Go To The Bathroom For Four Hours Now


This is an encore of a post that originally ran way back in 2008. I was inspired to do so by my bud Kim Moldofsky who blogs at Hormone Colored Days. Kim served as a kick-ass Community Leader in my session at Blissdom and, while we were chatting, she mentioned that she'd always remembered this post and how much it made her laugh.

I hope I conveyed how much her comment meant to me at the time, because it sure made my day. Thanks, Kim. YAOSCAL (You Are One Super Cool-Ass Lady)

Brace Yourself, Kid.

Does This Bother Anyone But Me?

It was Barbie who broke the news to me that, unlike her, I would never have a 4-inch waist coupled with a pneumatic double-D bustline and size-nothing, golden lotus feet. Fine. I'm trying to get over it. I personally think that's about as bracing as a toy experience should be, life-lesson wise.

So I was flipping through the FAO Schwarz catalog a few days ago and came across this:

It's called "Food Chain Friends."

Really? Is this what we're doing to the children now?

(As an aside, I think they're playing pretty fast and loose with the word "friends" considering they're biting each others' bodies in half. I think a downgrade at least to "Food Chain Frenemies" is in order.)

Yeah, yeah, I know that's how the world works, "dog eat dog" and all that. And I know every creature is known by at least one other creature as, simply, "lunch." (With the exception of humans, who are much too clever to end up as anyone's lun--Hey! What's that hot, musky breath on my neck?)

Since when are toys based on Mother Nature's harsh realities? Don't children absorb enough of life's tough lessons through..um...life?

Here are a few other "reality-preparation" toys I hope not to see on the shelves anytime ever soon:

"The Hot Flash" Action Figure
Pose "The Hot Flash" in a variety of real-life action positions, including throwing open a window, fanning herself with a restaurant menu and trying to climb into the refrigerator.

Middle-Aged Mort
Meet Mort: he's in a soul-killing job, he's strapped with alimony payments and he could use more fiber in his diet. Plush figure comes with battery-operated "Action Paunch."

"Taxes: The Musical" - Interactive CD
Giving a big, fat piece of the pie to Uncle Sam has never been so much fun! (Includes extended music video of the smash hit "Hit Me, FICA, One More Time" and six new auditor avatars!)

The Game of Mortality
Draw cards to assemble your family medical history, then spin the dial to calculate your estimated life expectancy. Fun for all ages!

"He Said/She Said" - The High-Stakes Game of Romance
Players take turns racing the clock as they try to decode baffling relationship phrases such as "I was looking at her but I wasn't looking at her", "Is that what you're wearing to the party?" and "I'm fine. No, really, I'm fine."


Big thanks to Wendy at Wenderful and The Rambler at My Rambling Thoughts for including my silly blog acronyms (from a couple of posts ago) in their wonderful blogs! Thank you so much!

And if you missed MuseSwing's Christmas in Bloggyland Tour earlier this week - good news! It's not too late! You can catch the sleigh here.