Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Classic, Schmassic

Plus: Hard Evidence That I Actually Do Laundry

Here's a promotional video for the The CHICKtionary that the fabulous Marla Miller inspired me to make for her wonderful website.

It's called "The Top 10 Reasons Why The CHICKtionary Beats A Tale of Two Cities."

I'd like to point out that Charles Dickens didn't even
bother making a video for his book. I'm just sayin'.

(If you can't see the video below, please click here.)

Thanks to my daughter Morticia (Director of Photography) and my son Gomez (Stunt Coordinator). Even though they have since unionized and are now suing me for unpaid overtime and boring unsafe work conditions, I will probably let them go to that swim party this weekend.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Overheard at BlogHer '11

How Fun Was That?!?

So BlogHer '11 was last weekend in San Diego and it was excruciatingly fun, from the lovely people in attendance to the delightful restaurants to the informative sessions to the gorgeous weather to the...well, I'd say more but I've already blown through the set of repurposed complimentary adjectives I bought on Etsy.

In short, it kicked heinie.

Of course, it can be difficult to get away to a conference with life as busy as it is. If you are one of the folks who wanted to go to BlogHer but were unable to do so, I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you in person and pawn off a customized foot sander on you in the process (long story).

You're in luck, however, because I made a point during my time accosting total strangers networking at the conference to keep my ears open for intriguing conversational tidbits floating around in the halls, between the sessions and on the expo floor.

Why? So I could report them to you, silly!

That's right, I kept a little notebook of juicy comments made by my fellow attendees (as well as sponsors, organizers and, once, janitorial staff) specifically to share with those of you unable to attend this year's event.

What better way to experience the emotional core of the conference than to be privy to the raw, uncensored current of exchanges flowing through the seething mass of attendees? It's practically like being there, right?

So let's blow the lid off what really went down at the conference, yes? Yes!

Top Ten Comments Overheard at BlogHer '11

10. "Smrfflk. Coffee! Ptxnggy."
Friday, 10:21 am, Expo Hall

9. "I'm sorry, but there's no room 47X on this map."
Saturday, 12:04 pm, by the giant Twizzler sculpture

8. "Why, thank you. I made them myself. From felt."
Friday, 1:17 pm, "Up" escalator

7. "How the hell do you make vegan spare ribs?!"
Friday, 3:48 pm, the big room that looked like a boat

6. "It's not poofy at all. It looks good."
Saturday, 9:47 am, Marriott Lobby

5. "Look, pirates!"
Saturday, 5:07 pm, Convention Center Patio

4. "I took nine of them. They had extras."
Friday, 2:32 pm, Expo Hall

3. "Little Red Corvette! BOW-WUH!"
Saturday, 4:17 pm, Marriott Poolside Bar

2. "I think someone's tweeting from the third stall..."
Saturday, 10:52 am, Ladies' Room

1. "You've got some glitter there. Right there.
Down a bit, to the left. No...
you'd better get it."
Sunday, 9:57 am, Marriott Bell Desk

And there you have it.

Thank you, San Diego!!

Our Contest Winner Is
Definitely A Big Deal

Congratulations to Nicole Pelton of Not Just a Working Mom for winning last week's book giveaway! Nicole was selected when her description of time spent slaving under a ruthless dry-cleaning regime was drawn from the official LJKGW ten-gallon hat.

As we speak, a copy of Stefanie Wilder-Taylor's hilarious new memoir "I'm Kind of a Big Deal: And Other Delusions of Adequacy" is winging its way toward her front porch. Enjoy, Nicole, and thanks for playing!

Special Thanks... Amy at The Bitchin' Wives Club for bringing not one but TWO huge mustache lollipops all the way from Wisconsin to San Diego for me. You rock!

Monday, August 1, 2011

I Left My Callus In Sand Diego - Now With Giveaway!

Smooth Operator

This Thursday, I will be heading down to San Diego to attend BlogHer 2011 where I will be taking advantage of every opportunity to eat like a horse catch up with old blog friends and make new ones.

As you may know, conferences are all about handouts or, as they say in China, "tchotchkes."

Naturally, I agonized over the goodies I should take to BlogHer to promote my forthcoming humor book, The CHICKtionary: From A-Line to Z-Snap, the Words Every Woman Should Know. Once I started looking at the bajillions of options, however, I became completely overwhelmed.

What would the discerning BlogHer attendee be looking to snag while cruising the conference floor? And which promotional product says "CHICKtionary" (in a sexy kind of "Mad Men" voice, not a screechy, accusatory meter maid one)?

The jaunty trucker hat? (So Von 2004.) The hardworking lanyard? (BO-ring.) The peppy pedometer? (Just thinking about it makes me tired.) The prim personal hand sanitizer? (Too stern.)

So I kept searching...scrolling through product
after product...looking for the one item that felt right - the one I could hand out with gusto knowing the recipient would cherish it for years to come while thinking fondly of me each time they encountered it in their junk drawer jewelry box.

And then I found it.

And so...

Let Me Be The First
to Offer You a
Complimentary Foot Sander!

Awesome, huh? Doesn't it make you want to roll up your sleeves, start grinding and kick up a swirly of your own discarded skin cells? I know.

So if you're going to BlogHer, I hope I'll see you and have the opportunity to lay one of these babies on you and your petrified yet adorable peds (standard exfoliation rates apply).

And, even if you're not going to the conference, there will be lots of opportunities down the road for you to receive one of these limited edition personal grooming appliances.

Especially since I ordered 700,000 of them.

Hope to see you there!

Did Somebody Say "Giveaway?"

I just finished reading author, comic and fellow
Listen to Your Mother castmember Stefanie Wilder-Taylor's new book "I'm Kind of a Big Deal: And Other Delusions of Adequacy" and I loved it so much that I'm giving away a brand-new copy! Right here! Right now!

One of the funniest aspects of Stefanie's collection of personal essays is her succession of lousy jobs. We've all been there, right? (This one-time children's shoe salesgirl says, "Hell, yeah!")

To enter the drawing for the book, just
leave a comment before midnight on Friday,
August 5 and share your lousiest job ever. Then ride that high over to Amazon and read all about the book to get jucied up to win your free copy.

The name of the lucky book winner will be drawn from our ten-gallon hat and announced the week of August 8.

And remember: no matter what
your mother anyone says, you ARE a big deal.

Good Luck!