Things to Do in 2012

...Or Not.

After extended deliberation, I have compiled my annual list of actions to make the upcoming year extra-awesome.

Note: Over the years, I've found it helpful not to include overreaching items such as "Be a nice person" and "Live within budget." No one tells you this, but these kinds of vague, pie-in-the-sky goals are basically impossible to achieve.

(I can tell you from personal experience that it's a real buzzkill to wake up on January 3rd only to realize you've already blown items 1-14 on your yearly to-do list. Let's just say some lessons were learned.)

Anyway, I'm happy to share my 2012 list with you, and feel free to peel a few items off for yourself!

Here goes:

In 2012, I will:

...bring back the phrase "in full effect." For example, when dinner is ready, I will say something like, "The tuna noodle casserole is in full effect."

...perform a set of lunges thrice a day - at 9:00, noon, and 4:00 - no matter where I am.

...use the word "thrice," like, all the time.

...perform some kind of community service. And, by the way, just because it's court-ordered doesn't mean I'm not feelin' it.

...do my best when either of my children says, "Guess what?" not to respond with "Chicken butt!"

...get that thing with the stuff looked at.

...knock off the flute jazz.

There you have it, folks - wish me luck!

In the meantime, I wish each and every one of YOU a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

And, as always, thank you for stopping by here week after week - that truly means the world to me.

Cheers!

Auld Lang WHAT?!?

Party Like It's 1999 2009

Like most of you, we celebrated New Year's Eve in the usual way: flipping channels between coverage of the giant, glittering ball dropping in Times Square and MacMillan and Wife reruns, eating barbecued yogurt and wearing ornate, traditional crappenhatten - or hand-crafted headpieces fashioned from old copies of "The National Enquirer" and embellished with miniature horses and sugar packets stolen from restaurants throughout 2008.

What can I say? We're old-school.

When I woke this morning to my foot in the fireplace and the gentle, liquid rhythm of our beagle scouring the inside of my ear with his tongue, I was overjoyed. What stronger evidence could I have that 2009 is going to kick cosmic arse?

Right. Now down to business.

Resolutions.

I must become a superior, more aerodynamic and fuel-efficient version of my newly-marked-down-priced-to-move 2008 self. Oh, and with more torque. Tons of torque. [Note to self: find out what torque is.]

It's not gonna be easy, considering how settled I am into the jalopy that is my 2008 self. Nevertheless, I am resolved to do the following:

• Never allow myself to be caught unawares in a dance-off again. In 2009, I wear leg-warmers at all times and carry my own music. Bring it on, elementary-school moms.
• Go to professional driving school. (Not because that dorkwad judge told me to, but because it'll be fun.)
• Try to stop quoting lines from "Blazing Saddles," especially to strangers.
• Lay off the phrase, "That's total crap!" when volunteering in my daughter's classroom.
• Learn to cook. [Snixks...BWAHAHAH! Oooh, I'm sorry. *wipes eyes* I never can do that one with a straight face...]
• Inform children of their sacred Ninja birthright. On second thought - next year.
• Overcome something.
  
• Quit being so judgmental of others, especially the super-lame ones.

Ah, well there you have it. I don't know about you, but I feel like a marginally better person already!

No matter what your reservations resolutions may be - I wish you a happy, healthy, peaceful and, of course, silly 2009!

Hugs all around!


Now Accepting Nominations

The 2009 Bloggie Awards Competition is now underway! Nominations for the year's best blogs are being accepted here in all sorts of categories, including humor, writing, design, geographic location and many more.

Finalists will be determined in part based on the number of nominations they receive, so if you have a moment and feel inclined to nominate our little operation here (along with your other favorites), I'd really appreciate it!

The deadline for nominations is Monday, January 12 at 10:00 PM Eastern time.

Thank you!

Also...

Take a moment to stop by Rick's pad over at Organized Doodles. Rick's an amazing cartoonist (and a prince of a fellow) and he's running a contest - you could win one of his "doodles" or even a custom caricature! Good luck!

Thank you to wonderful Florinda at 3 Rs Blog for linking to my silly Christmas Mad Lib!

And thank you to the charming, amazing MuseSwings for this humdinger: