I Reject the Following on Various Grounds:

Anything that purports to be "spooktacular"
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The same goes for:

• "Yuletastic"


• "Easterlicious"


• "Yom KipPOW!"

Referring to the city of Malibu as "The 'bu"

Ditto on:

• Calling Sacramento "The 'to"


• Calling Oxnard "The 'nard"

Fake blessings from people who obviously hate me
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This might be a California thing, but lately I've run across a number of people of dubious qualification who, upon ending a conversation, place their palms together and say something along the lines of, "I wish you light and laughter on your path" while the radioactive glint in their eyes clearly conveys their vehement desire to visit upon me an immediate IRS audit and chronic, raging irritable bowel syndrome.

What's the bottom line on that, anyway?

Blessings + Hate Vibe = Break Even?

Clothing that is described or advertised as "conceptual"

Any musical piece composed for or performed on a recorder

Including (but not limited to) "Greensleeves."

Any representation of Blue Man Group that exceeds 6 feet in height

The following conversational item and all variations thereof: "So, which route did you take to get here?"

My reaction is pretty much the same as this young lady's.

The way, when you're eating a bag of Funyuns, you can suddenly find yourself sitting bolt upright, peering into the bag and saying, "Wait, do these Funyuns taste like trout? Why do they taste like trout?" And then, after a few more, you convince yourself that they do, in fact, taste slightly more like fake onions than trout. What a relief.

And then you finish the bag.