Privates of the Caribbean

Blog Overboard!

Today's brand-new post is docked over at Always Home and Uncool, the domain of Kevin (a terrific, funny writer and one of my very favorite dad bloggers).

Thar she blows!


By the way, I know I've done a few guest posts in a row - it just happens that I've received several gracious invitations in the past couple of weeks. It's always great fun to spend time at other people's places and root through their stuff when they're not around make new friends.

I want you to know, however, that no matter how far and wide we travel together, you'll always have a home here, just like usual.

I promise I'll never turn your room into a home gym.

The Big Jewel

Mmmm...Sparkle.

I'm excited to say I've got a piece up on The Big Jewel today!
I hope you'll take a moment to click over and check it out... (Thank you.)


And Also...

I took this photo down the street from our pad.

It made me smile.



(Plus, now I have a bitchin' new TV and some boss speakers.)

The Chase Is On.

Le Guest Post A Go-Go

Today I'm guest-posting (thank you, Andy!) over at Wild ARS Chase.


Tomorrow is this young buck's birthday and I've, um, got a little surprise for him...

2010: Year In Review

Because It's Never Too Soon To Look Back

I learned my lesson last year, boy, and I am never letting the holidays sneak up on me again.

It seemed like I had just packed away the last of the Arbor Day acorn launchers and flying-squirrel suits when - BAM! - there was Mr. Turkey knocking on my door. (A deeply disturbing incident, by the way, and by far my least favorite memory of Thanksgiving.)

Nope, this year I am getting the jump on the holiday season. When it's time to review the year's triumphs and tragedies...its challenges and lessons learned...man, I'll be ready. So here goes:

The First 31 Days Of 2010: A Retrospective

The Good Times

• Sweet parking all four times I went to the grocery store last Tuesday.

• That weird purple spot on my toenail finally grew all the way out. (Not the pinkie toe, the one next to it. What's that toe called, anyway? The ring toe? Pinkie-adjacent? Mr. Stubbs?)

• My favorite t-shirt - the one with Abe Vigoda wearing a Napoleon hat - finally turned up. How it got crammed into the bottom of that golf bag in the garage is anybody's guess.

• My bangs pointed the right way an average of 34% of 2010. (A significant improvement over last year's 26%!)

The Bad Times

• I ordered a book on Amazon.com and, although I paid extra for overnight delivery, the book did NOT, in fact, arrive until two days later. (Thanks to everyone for their support during this trying time.)

• The houseplant death toll continued to climb as we said farewell to Jerry "The Predicament" Ficus III. It seemed we'd just brought him home from Albertson's when his leaves began to turn brown and curl, leading us to scratch our heads and wonder yet again what it is that we're supposed to be giving these plants to keep them alive...?

• On January 17, an unexpected cloudburst resulted in almost 1/16 of an inch of rain, throwing the LA Metropolitan area into chaos and resulting in the Southland domestic threat level being elevated from sea foam green to a warm saffron.

• The Curried Bratwurst Incident - 5:57 p.m. Friday, January 22 through 9:18 p.m. Saturday, January 23.

Cheers! Here's hoping 2010 treated you right!

This Just In!

I am honored and excited to announce that BlogHer has invited me to speak at BlogHer '10 - their annual conference - this summer in New York City!

I'll be part of the Humor-Writing panel on the conference's Writing Lab Track and will be talking about the craft of writing things that (please, God) make people laugh.

I'm happy to say that the very funny Jessica Bern of BernThis.com will be joining me on the panel. I don't yet know who the other two panelists will be, but when I do, I'll plug them. (That didn't come out right at all.)

I had a blast in Chicago last year as a BlogHer Room of Your Own speaker and I'm thrilled to be going to the 2010 conference. If you're wondering whether to make the trek to meet fellow bloggers in real life, I can tell you it's worth it. It was amazing last year to spend time with so many people I admire whose writing makes me laugh (and cry) again and again.

Want to know more? Click here...


Hope to see you there and thank you, BlogHer!

Suggested Engine Sounds To Be Installed On Electric Cars

Thundering Hooves

Light Saber

That Snooty Music From The Grey Poupon Commercial

Popping Popcorn

Steve Martin's "Well, Excuuuuse Me!"

Agitated Ducks

Scattered Gunfire

Cocktail Party Background Noise

Sizzling Bacon

"Get Down On It" By Kool & The Gang

Playing Card Clothespinned To Spokes

Air Horn From the Queen Mary

Go Toward The Light.

At Least He Wasn't Wearing Them.

Last week, Winston the Emo Beagle swiped some clothes
from the laundry basket and chewed them up...

...but that's not the story my husband will tell.

Think VodkaMom's the bomb? Let her know with a quick vote here. (Psst...you can vote once per day.)

I've been spending a lot of time over here lately. I think you'll like it, too.

Fun With Words

What I Really Need Is Some Joke Insurance.

My conversations are much more colorful for about 24 hours after browsing UrbanDictionary.com. I say things like:

"Dang, this swimsuit won't work. It gives me total underboob."

"Dude, I know your team lost, but don't have a mantrum."

"I've already called you once for dinner.
Don't make me use my Upper Case voice!"

See? Fun.

Get On With It.

Right.

So, without thinking it through at all after much deliberation, I submitted two little catch-phrases of my own to UrbanDictionary. Just to see what would happen. Here they are:

Chai-dentity

1. The identification of a person by their habitual coffee drink order.
2. A fake name used when ordering coffee drinks.

1. (at coffee chain store) "They didn't ask you what drink you wanted." "Nah, they know my chai-dentity here."
2. "Why does it say 'Tom Petty' on the side of your Starbucks cup?" "Dude, that's my chai-dentity."

Writer's Crock

When someone inflates, exaggerates or fabricates their literary accomplishments.

She bragged that she'd written a book, but turns out all she had was a title. What a total writer's crock.

Shazam!

(Sorry, I've just always wanted to have a header that said "Shazam!")

Anyway, UrbanDictionary accepted one of them. Which one do you think they went for? Here's a hint:
Group Participation

UrbanDictionary has a "thumbs up/thumbs down" system for all of its words. There's no registration or sign-in...just a single click. (To review: "up" or "down.")

If you have a thumb that's just hanging there doing nothing, I'd love it if you could use it for a second to point "up" just once for my entry. To do so, you can clickIf, on the other hand, you think they should have picked the other phrase, simply vote your preference by clicking on "thumbs up"
Think the whole UrbanDictionary notion is ridiculous? Let them know by casting your "thumbs up" voteTired of terrible late-night TV programming? Me, too! Let's tell 'em with an angry thumbs-up vote
Sick of paying taxes? Don't even get me started! Let's get rid of taxes altogether with a thumbs-up vote
Thanks very much for thumbing!



And thank you to the always-fabulous Cynthia at Muse Swings for linking to my post about how the Mayans are trying to ruin my birthday by blowing up the world.

More thanks to Miss Dot at Saving the World One Cupcake at a Time for the Lemonade Award and the Happy 101 Award!