Monday, November 15, 2010

Yak Special Edition

Because We Care

Many of you, loyal readers, have written, emailed and - on two occasions - driven by the house corporate headquarters and impaled flaming arrows on the door with questions and concerns regarding this blog's yak coverage.

"What have you got against yaks?" asks Ann I. of Wisconsin.

"I think a yak advice column would be quite popular," offers
Lisa R.P.R. of Los Angeles.

"You're an ass-clown," writes
Jessica B., also of Los Angeles

[Dangit - I meant to save that last one for the Ass-Clown Special E
dition I'm putting together for December.]

Anyway... I'd just like to go on record and say:

I like a yak.

And the more I learn about them, the more my appreciation grows.

Let's discuss.

What's So Great About Yaks?
  • They are the opposite of gila monsters. Seriously, go check.
  • Through a fluke of selective breeding, modern-day yaks are the best spooners in the animal kingdom. No, really. Once you've spooned with a yak, you never go back.
  • When a yak laughs (I mean really laughs - not just a chuckle) it sounds exactly like Chewbacca.
  • If you accidentally enrage a yak, you can easily calm it by playing anything by Henry Mancini. (Yaks are particularly partial to the "Breakfast at Tiffany's" soundtrack.) **But for God's sakes, don't play any Tony Orlando & Dawn - or Foghat - around them. Not if you value your coffee table, that is.
  • A freshly laundered yak will absorb all questionable odors in your condo, kind of like a box of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda, but, well, huger and SUPER hairy.
So Here's What I'm Thinking

Many of you have suggested ways to incorporate yaks into future LJKGW posts. I'm having trouble, however, deciding which suggestion best meshes with this blog's reputation for both hard-hitting investigative journalism and heart-rending human interest coverage.

And so I'm putting it out to you, my discerning and elaborately groomed readers. Which of the following would you most like to see included in upcoming posts?

"On the Horns of Love"
Relationship advice with a uniquely yak perspective.

"Woolly, Woolly World"
Current events and interesting happenings in and around Mongolia.

"Yak It Forward"
Philanthropic column informing readers about ways in which they can make the world a better place (for yaks).

"The Cloven Hoof"
Literary supplement highlighting the best of contemporary yak short fiction.

"Bovid's List"
Online marketplace where yaks and their enthusiasts can sell or trade yak accoutrements.

"Yak Shred"
A unique and thrilling mash-up of yaks and their emerging presence in the world of extreme sports.

"America's Top Yak"
Whose square, wet nose will gleam the brightest in our video competition that cuts across singing, dancing, cooking and - of course - runway skillz?

I look forward to hearing from you...

Speaking of Yaks...

Any post devoted to our wuzzy friends would be incomplete without mention
of my favorite big, blue one.


A special shout-out to Morticia's friend Ibby. [hi-five!] Thanks for being a loyal reader and Go, Griffins!


hokgardner said...

Don't forget the benefits of their wool. I actually own yarn made partially of yak fur. I'm still trying to come up with an appropriate item to knit from it. Perhaps leg warmers.

Pearl said...

Anna, you have truly lost it.
:-) In the nicest, yakkiest way, of course.

I, myself, would enjoy advice from a yak perspective, but that's probably because it has recently gotten truly yak-appropriate cold around here.


larainydays said...

My cousin Eddie was gored by a wild yak and now he lives on disability and kraft macaroni and cheese so don't talk to me about yaks.

La Belette Rouge said...

Only you could yuk it up about yaks and have me wondering what it is that they truly hate to much about "tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree."

the_Yak_Ranch said...

I really think you should spend more time with yaks before making such generalizations about their musical tastes. Foghat is merely a minor annoyance as yaks don't wear shoes and couldn't care less how tight they may be. Starland Vocal Band on the other hand, is right out. Try to sneak an 8-track playing afternoon delight into their corral and you will see the skyrockets….
I do agree about the spooning though!

Ann Imig said...

Whose legwarmers are played?

I'm going to have to insist on "Dueling Yakzos"


as in

Yo mamas cankles are so wooly she WISHES they were legwarmers.

(banjo interlude dingalingalinglinglinglingling)

p.s. I freaky love this post.

Fragrant Liar said...

My favorite song, apropos of your post, is Billy Idol's "Yak the Cradle of Love". Though I am sure yaks across the northern hemisphere would call it unspeakably outrageous. I mean, any yak worth his leg warmers would bray about such personal things. Still, it's a catchy tune, and I think your readers would enjoy it the next time you start yakking it up.

Vikki said...

Definitely "Yak it Forward"! Fun to say, and can't wait to hear the results... This is too funny!

Irish Gumbo said...

Do those yaks talk back?

"Yak Shred" FTW!

The Retired One said...

Soooo funnny...I just quoted one line of this on FB. Don't worry I gave your blog credit...let the Followers start lining up. haaaa

Elkhorn Inn & Theatre said...

Yaks made me laugh our loud! And today I needed it.
(Aren't yaks also good on the grill? Like buffalo & venison... Just asking...)
"Bless your heart", as they say here in WV, and I mean that in a REALLY NICE way, as opposed to the way in which it's usually meant. :-D

Elkhorn Inn & Theatre said...

I'm now gong to "Yak It Forward", of course, by Yakking the link on Facebook & Twitter.
LMAO while Yakking...

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

You haven't lived until you've seen a bison rock hard to Slow Ride.

That's right. Once you go bison...

K A B L O O E Y said...

Yak, bison, yadda yadda. Dude: armadillos. Case rested.

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

this post made me want to yak.

just kidding, i think.

Blicky Kitty said...

Wooott! OK my hiatus from the blogosphere is amply rewarded when I come home to a discussion of yaks. Can we discuss the health benefits? Yak milk cures everything from dropsy and gout to ADHD and dispepsia. And if you grind up the horn it makes your husband look like a 20-year-old Donny Osmond. I'm not sure if you have to eat it or feed it to him though.

Karla Telega said...

Thank God I know how to play Baby Elephant Walk and Pink Panther on the piano. My coffee table is safe.

Lil Sis Boombah said...

I'm glad to see that someone appreciates yaks, because most people on this side of the world think all yaks do is stand around with their mall hair and leg warmers. But the truth is some yaks are forced by humans to work very hard. In fact, they are called "pack yaks." I swear I'm not making this up. So the next time someone expects you to do more than your share of the housework or whatever, you should tell the person "What do you think I am...a pack yak?"
Also yaks are good at sports. Tibetan yaks like racing, while yak polo and yak skiing is catching on in Central Asia and is a tourist attraction in Northern Pakistan. This is amazing to me -- I had no idea Northern Pakistan had tourists. Gotta love Wikipedia.

Shari said...

Just the fact that you can write a post that includes both yaks and Foghat makes me love you. So funny.

Unknown said...

Funny! FUNNY! FUN-EEEE! Yes, I liked it!

When Pigs Fly said...

I like Yak it Forward. Nothing says love like a good gesture from a Yak.

mawardi said...

nice info for funny style

akawest said...

"Yak It Forward" is a challenge we all should take.

Happy that someone finally is worried about my favorite animal, is what I am tonight.

Joan Oliver Emmer said...

I can't comment about yaks but I DO try to incorporate a reference to mangos into each of my posts. It's a slippery slope, to be sure. Joan

Rhea said...

Yaks are so cool looking! And once again, I love your sense of humor. I really need to visit more. You crack me up.

And oh my gosh, I love the Yak Ranch's comment. hehe

purplemoon said...

They arrived from Mars in the Yak Attacks. I've been in Spain with Dali and realized that is where Dali got the inspiration for his moustache! It's a yaktache. Maybe your profile is too... is that a Yak disguise? Cool I want one. Great blog