Flack Attack

Fear Not. I'm a PR Professional.

Back in my public relations days of yore, when I was first learning nifty phrases like "Be proactive!" and "Sell the sizzle, not the steak!" --

[Whoa - flashback! I just had the overwhelming urge to make fifteen rush copies of something, tidy up the break room and hang up on a toner salesman. Whew! Old habits die hard, don't they?]

Anyway...when I was a wee lass starting out in the PR business, one of my tasks was to call publications and request their editorial calendars. At first I didn't know what an editorial calendar was, but luckily I had the kind of trollish, back-stabbing supportive, mentoring supervisor that made learning the ropes a pleasure. *hork*

Editorial Calendar - A publication's schedule of topics to be covered in upcoming issues.

I got to thinking about this the other day and I asked myself, "Self," I exclaimed burst chided murmured hissed said, "why don't we have an editorial calendar for LJKGW?" At which point Self made some rather outrageous personal accusations and called me a rude name. Things deteriorated pretty quickly after that.

Refusing to be bullied, I was determined to bring up the topic at the next LJKGW staff meeting. However, just as I finished leading the pledge of allegiance, my staff scampered off to make fifteen rush copies of things, tidy up the break room and hang up on toner salesmen.

So. It appears it's up to me to present to you:

The Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder
Editorial Calendar for What's Left of 2010*

MARCH

• When Baby Chicks Attack
  
• Carpentry Corner: Build Your Own Stroller from Scrap Lumber
  
• What Your Leprechaun Wishes He Could Tell You
  
• LJKGW Investigates: Things That May Or May Not Be True, Depending on Whom You Ask

APRIL

• What's Up With Ducks?
• "You're Not the Boss of Me!" (Special Administrative Professionals Day Issue)
• Seriously, What Is This Thing on My Foot?
• Macarena vs. Lambada: It's ON.

MAY

• Rubik's Cube is Stupid Because I Say So
• Maybe I Don't Want to Go to the Gym Today
• Your Magnificent Spleen
• My Recurring Harlem Globetrotters/Morgan Fairchild Dream
  

JUNE

• "Denim Leggings Ruined My Marriage" - One Woman's Story
  
• Apparently, Cats Don't Like Taking Baths
  
• Camping: Why?
• Things I Would Do at the Mall If I Could Levitate (and Read Minds)
  

JULY

• At last! A Three-Piece Bathing Suit!
• We Want the Funk. (Hunh!) Give Up the Funk. (Awww!)
  
• My Dad Could SO Beat Up Your Dad
• Sticky Notes You Wish You'd Written
  

AUGUST

• Dating: If It Doesn't Hurt, You're Not Doing It Right
• Celebrity Crochet - Make Angelina Jolie's Tissue Box Cover!
• Wii Roller Derby: The Time Has Come
  
• I Like a York Peppermint Patty Now and Again
  

SEPTEMBER

• Letter From the Editor: "Everyone's Against Me"
• Product Review - The Glock Craftinator 9000 Semi-Automatic Hot Glue Gun
• Let's Have a Home-Perm Party!
  
• Sports That Should Be Combined to Make Them More Dangerous
  

OCTOBER

• I'm Happy. I Know It. I Don't Have to Clap My Hands if I Don't Want To.
• Halloween Costumes That Will Keep Your Children Awake for 5 Days Straight
  
• 4,972 Signs He's Not Into You
• Ways to Trick Your Toddler Into Cleaning Your House
  

NOVEMBER

• Bacon Crafts You Can Wear Then Eat
  
• Bacon's Role in Shaping Our Nation's History
• A Bacon-Themed Thanksgiving? Why the Heck Not?
  
• Bacon: The Other Striped Meat

DECEMBER

• Who Is This "No. 9" and Why Did He/She Inspect My Parka?
• Pie
  
• Web Performance Anxiety - Are You Interesting Enough to Be On the Internet?
• Persuasive Essay: Boudoir Photography Is an Acceptable Office Secret Santa Gift
  

* (content subject to change without notice, some restrictions apply, coupons not accepted for this promotion, absolutely no refunds - store credit only, turn inside out before laundering)