Brad Pitt Hand-Launders My Unmentionables

I don't know what that's all about, either.

It was the first sentence that came to mind when I woke up this morning. I am considering going under hypnosis to uncover the backstory. I will, naturally, keep you posted.

"The Pumpkin Stays in the Picture"

That's the title of my new post on LA Moms Blog. It's a lighthearted little homage to an old-school Halloween tradition. Here's a clue...see if this rings any bells (or kettle drums):



Phull-On Phresh-Baked Pherocious Foto Phestivity

Okay, so I've been tagged by two bloggy buds (both of them bitchin') for a photo-post deal.

My favorite Crack Mommy over at Blicky Kitty (a truly awesome blog) is demanding that I cough up the fourth photo from my fourth album or she's going to go public with the eleventh photo from the little red vinyl album that I keep in my nightstand.

Meanwhile, Sherry at My Loonyverse (who claims to "suck at meditating") has countered with a stipulation that I hand over the sixth photo in my sixth folder or the ferret gets it. (And, folks, she's just crazy enough to do it.)

Skilled conflict resolution guru that I am, I will now average these two memes. Yessss. (And, to my children who are always saying that they shouldn't have to do math homework because they'll never use math in "real life," I say, "In your faces!")

I give you the fifth photo from my fifth album:


This is a photo from our wedding. (Not really.) This is a photo from quite a few Halloweens ago when I was going to a party with Jon Bon Jovi (not my husband's real name). I call it "Tweedledum and Dummer."

Side note: After convincing the understandably reluctant Jon Bon Jovi to wear the silly costume (using the argument that he wouldn't know anyone there anyway so who cared?), we arrived at the party to find that there were (totally coincidentally) several people from his office there who weren't aware of his, shall we say, whimsical side. All I can say is, it takes a big man to holds his head(s) up high in that kind of situation.

And, while we're on the meme subject, I want to give a big quack to AngieSS over at Cup of Snarky Humor Blog. She also just tagged me for the Seven Quirky Things About Me meme that I answered in my last post.

Meme Mash-Up

In an effort to comply with our new low-emissions blog policy here at LJKGW, I am smooshing two memes together to create a...hybrid meme. That's right, I'm tagging the following seven blog buds to either:

1. List 7 weird or quirky things about themselves, or
2. Post the 5th photo from their 5th album for the whole dang world to see

And here they come now...

Giggle On
Lavender & Lattes
Amongst Other Things
Organized Doodles
Ashley. Unscripted...

And finally...

Haiku for an Un-Zen World (#1)

Pup, your sly face shows
that which I have suspected -
you pooped on the couch.

Meme Smackdown! (And a Dubious Compliment)

Behold the Dubiousness

OK, so I know I promised you a dubious compliment at the tail end of the last post, and I was going to relate this whole, long story involving a restaurant host, lumpy Hollandaise sauce and public mocking (of me) by three other women, but I'll condense it into this little morsel of mental taffy for you to chew on:

Is it a compliment for a stranger to mistake you for a celebrity...who is 20 years older than you are?

P.S. It was not a movie or TV star, it was someone in the news media. And, NO, it wasn't Geraldo Rivera...but I see how you got there.
Say It Like You Meme It

The whole meme thing intrigues me. (At first, I misread it as "mime," which is clown-adjacent, and I have some serious issues with those who practice the dark arts of the squirting lapel flower. I can't even look at those teeny little electric cars - you know, the reeeeeally small ones - because I just know that twenty clowns are going to spill out of them at any moment with their flappy shoes and pretend grins, like I don't get enough silly clothes and fake smiles already every morning at Peet's...)

Anyway...memes.

I just got nailed tagged with my first meme within the last week by the lovely Melodie over at Me & My Girls, and it looks like a cool one (thanks, Melodie!):


Hmmm...seven random or weird facts about myself. Here goes:

1. I played glockenspiel in our high school marching band. (Explains a lot, yes?)
   
2. My favorite part of fried chicken: the skin.
3. In 5th grade, I won a contest writing a song that used only the black piano keys. (Wait, is that racist?)
4. When I was around 10 years old, I used to eat a whole can of black olives, then pour the juice into a little glass and drink it while pretending to be James Bond. [Note to self: delete #4 before you publish this post, you big, big freak.]
   
5. I was born without wisdom teeth. (Some would say I could do without the "teeth" in that statement.)
6. I detest seafood to the point that I resent aquariums.
7. Secret career aspiration: long-haul trucker with a sleeper cab. (Mostly, I just want to have a sleeper cab; driving around with an air horn would be gravy.)

Whew! Well, that was bracing. I think we both learned a few things we'd like to expunge from the ol' hard drive as soon as possible, hmmm?

But wait - there's more...

I am honored to have received two variations on the "Kreativ Blogger" award from several new blog buds. This one...


...is from Sanity Check, One Two... and The Wise Young Mommy.

And, for spring, it also comes in this color combo from Two Girls for Mama:


Thanks so much for these!

So the deal here is that the recipient is supposed to list six things they love/value and six things they, well, don't. I'll skip the usual love list of kids and pets and husbands (Woops! That last one is supposed to be singular, isn't it?) and instead share a few more specific everyday dislikes and some offsetting activities to accompany them.

In the end, if I've done my math correctly, no one gets hurt.

1. Horrid woman drowning in any of the Liz Taylor "fragrances" who's barking into her cell phone and holding up the grocery checkout line can be cancelled out by the fact that she must endure the audible cheers of those in line behind her when smug, 20-year-old store manager refuses to honor her expired two-for-one coupon on Jimmy Dean sausage patties.
2. Buzzkills who, oblivious to all social cues, relentlessly harangue others with their political views can be cancelled out by making them listen in turn to your detailed description of the side-splitting opening scene of "Undercover Brother."
3. Parking ticket given by hateful, passive-aggressive meter maid with obvious John Wayne complex can be cancelled out with extended sofa snuggles with beagle puppy. (Awww...)
4. Snooty boutique salesgirls who act like you're invisible just because you're wearing cowboy boots and on old Oingo Boingo concert t-shirt can be cancelled out by storing the experience away to be used later when creating a character in a novel who, as it happens, contracts gonorrhea.
5. Being addressed by a strange man as "Honey" or "Sweetie" can be cancelled out by addressing him in return as "Shrinky" or "Maude."
6. Having to spend an evening in the company of someone who is so arrogant and self-absorbed that they never ask even once what you do can be cancelled out by calling them by the wrong name on the way out and wishing them luck on a fictional project that is not in their field.

Well, there it is. And I don't know about you, but I feel...refreshed...exhilarated...cleansed. Much like that first time I had Indian food.

Oh, and I went to a pumpkin-carving party Saturday night.


Could I be any more lazy?